Briefly - found out ~6 wks ago that W was in EA. She has since decided to stay in M, and discontine contact w OM.

Full story below...

FL_Blindsided's Story

So how long has it taken others in recovery before SF return?

My wife's EA ended 11/8/06, but she broke NC several time, the last being 1/27/07. I didn't get any SF until 6/3/07. Don't push it. Just be patient, and it will happen.

Too long.


dday 5-8-06 - happy ending Nov sometime.

Hang in there.

I'm weird. (Often late, backwards and wrong, too.)

The day after D-Day #1, I found an article on rebuilding trust. (Wish I'd found MB.)

WH and I read it sitting on the couch. I told him I had no idea when we'd ever be able to be intimate again.

He agreed but did not take his hand off my knee. He began massaging my knee, we ended up in the bedroom and I began Plan A (with no clue) which I continued through D-Day #4 and beyond.

I like sex, even said I'd keep him around to use him for it after multiple D-Days, even when I gave up on our M.

TMI? Sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> There are exceptions to every rule.

Ace

Okay .. wasn't planning on hitting the boards and haven't for a long time... but it popped up when I was in my favorites, so I'm taking it that I'm supposed to be here again. Our Sexual relationship has been rocky since 10-01-06 our D Day. However, it is very healing at times. You love through it. One day at a time. You get up the next day and intend on loving through it. I'm the WW in our case. And sexual fulfillment was never the reason that my A happened...so it was not an issue in the healing for me. However, my H has been on a lot of different Anti depressants that kill a Sex Drive. If your W is taking any of these -- it will not help her SD at all. During some recent searches it appears that women react very well to some libdo meds and it may be an option. My guess is depression is part of it... and getting to the bottom of her whys.

Hope that helps,
Lilmom

WW told me last night that she thought she 'would be ready' for SF soon... its been ~2 mos since we were together.

She's been home since 6/8, and NC w OM since ~5/28.

I'm on AD's, she is not. She says she's 100% dedicated to working on our M, is 100% sure that I'm the guy she's supposed to be with, that she's 100% sure that she's doing the right thing now... but that she still has to sort thru the emotions and feelings that she's had in her head for the past couple of months. She says she'll never hurt me that way again - isn't interested in reconnecting w OM in any way - just has to sort thru the emotions and feelings.

Is that common? (having to sort out / deal with remaining emotions even after deciding to put it behind you and move forward w marriage?)

Yes, just be patient. My WW decided to stay in our marriage in February, but it was June before she was ready to engage in SF again. If she was someone who was reluctanct to have SF in your marriage, it will be even harder for her to "make" herself do. Don't put any more pressure on her than she is already putting on herself.

Im new... NC and SF are what?

Scott

NC = no contact

SF = sexual feelings

there's a post I believe that has been pinned to the top of one of the boards that summarizes all of the acronyms.

Thanks!

I try to explain to my husband that the A was like emotional suicide. Sorting out in your head for me was recovering from an emotional breakdown. Your WW is most likely dealing with A LOT of emotional guilt over what happened. Sorting it out...to me means finding the Why. I guess I always wanted S with my H because it was love to me. All I can say is talk about it. Don't beat her over the head with her sin, but talk about the reasons that she maybe withdrawing from you. If you can get her to visit these boards they were very helpful to me. Also, read Torn Assunder.

Lilmom

FLB,

FYI. If your WW does want SF some day soon and you don't fulfill that want, it will be an LB. It is a little bit OT but I thought I would mention it.

thanks for the info folks - we are headed out next week for a week+ long vacation with family to the beach out of state. My (hopefully F!)WW is going, and all of my family is aware of both my sins and hers... Her going is a huge testament to her dedication to us (I think!) despite what might be a rough and rocky time with my family.

Maybe she will feel a lil more interested with a change in scenery...

Your description of SF changes the meaning of your question for me. The lists states that SF is Sexual Fulfillment, which, IMHO is far more than Sexual Feelings.

If my sexual feelings are not fulfilled, it can be very frustrating. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Just wanting to clarify. Is this what you meant?

Ace

I don't know. I like this new definition as sexual feelings. It means I get to have SF every day!

I wrongly thought that SF was sexual feelings - sorry!

On Sexual fulfillment, me and WW have always had different appetites... (I am the constantly hungry one!)

This has been a significant issue for us the past, but I've learned a lot in the past two months. If/when we get back to the point where she is ready to re-engage sexually, I now know that what I was previously doing was exacerbating, not improving the situation.

One of the analogies that I've come to like is the one way door. You walk up, and attempt to push the door open - it won't budge. So you push harder... again no movement. Then like an idiot, you realize the door opens inward, step back and pull... As long as I occupy that position pushing on the door, it will never open. Once I vacate that spot and back up, it can open..

With my wife, I would push the issue,and she wouldn't budge... by backing off, I can allow the door to open... and once her EN's are being met, I expect that she would be much more interested in meeting my needs...