After a year of marriage this past April, i have noticed my wife's sexual drive lessening. I am 34 and she is 33 years old. We have a 10 year old son from a previous relationship of hers.

When we married I had never had intercourse, so you must can guess this is one of the pleasures of marriage i looked forward to. My love language is phsycial touch and I know hers is service and gifts.

We have talked about our lack of physical intimacy and her explanation is "its me not you".....I have continued to meed her emotional needs as best as i can, but the lack of physical contact is killing me! At times i so want to touch her so badly, I start to grope her like a lustful teenager. i have since made a conserted effort not to do that because she explains that it makes her feel like an object. when we hug i do not touch her in a sexual way. i have asked her more than once if she is recieving the attention from me that she needs. again the answer always comes back to " its me not you" AAAAARRRGGGG!!!

I am worried because I am not feeling loved and I fear i will soon start to draw away. I love my wife and want the spark rekindled. please help.

Can you ask her what about "her" it is when she says that? There might be something that she is uncomfortable telling you. Or maybe something when you do get intimate that bothers her or that she would like to happen.

Oh trust me I have asked. she has told me that she would like to initiate sex....O.K. i step back and let her, then weeks go by. WEEKS! every other thing she has told me to change I have. and she has even acknowledge this.

But yesterday thank God, we talked about a lot of things including my needs and hers. She came to realise she was viewing sex for a woman's point of view. And ladies be truthful....sex is really not the highest on your list, its mostly quality time, gifts, affermation(sp?) etc.

I make it a point to ask her how i am doing. that is to say am I meeting her needs. And after talking for a bit she confessed that her reason for never asking me the same is she knew the answer. Sexual/touch is not her love language you see so to her that is just something you do whenever. and being a single parent for 9+ years, she has an issue being vunerable i think.

I asked her honest opinion how would she feel about me if I stopped talking to her beyond the pleasantries, or without asking, help around the house,or just spending time with her even though I don't feel like it. . she said she would not feel very loved by me. and that is when I explained that my love language is Touch. that i needed Intimate contact with her. that is how I feel loved by her. sex for me is more than intercourse, i form an emotional attachment to my wife. when she pulls away I feel rejected.

Last night..........it was like the flood gates opened!


one more thing.....it seems she was mistaken, or her love language has changed. before we were married and had counselling, she told me they were acts of service and gifts. but she has come to realise Quality time is more important to her. she works from home now and i a am gone almost 12 hours a day so I guess her needs have changes.

I will make an effort to meet this need and hopefully we will get through this.

I was just wondering if she has recently atarted taking antidepresants? Reason being is they tend to interfere in your sexual drive. Stress also has alot to do with sexuality. Even hormones.??? Could be many other causes. Best of luck to you.