Agreed.

That's the plan.

[quote][quote]here is what you MUST find out:

1. ow's NAME
2. occupation
3. marital status
4. address

I am trying really hard to find out these things, hope I'm successful. Keep your fingers crossed.

What is the plan to get this information, TB?

MelodyLane: I have alot of people snooping that H don't know. Just wish I knew for sure 100% if there was OW and who she is.

If you can afford it, get a GPS and put on his car. It will give you time and address wherever he goes.

Here's a thread with some helpful info.

Spying 101

That is what you have to find out, TB. Are your friends following him tonight? What exactly is the plan to find out?

What is the plan?

I can't afford a PI or GPS system. I have friends that will follow him and watch his place of business.

I didn't talk to him anymore last night and he will be calling to talk to the kids today after work. Should I let the kids answer the phone or should I talk to him and what would I say-just small talk?

T&B

Yep, just small talk.

When I hired a PI he told me to act normal. Let H do his thing. We'd catch him.

So if you have friends following him, I would not mention anything else. Be pleasant.

perfect! Can you access his cell phone bill? Are there any strange #s on your own land line bill? If you see any strange #s you can do a reverse look up at www.anywho.com.

T&B:

You went and proved your point.

That worked well, didn't it?

Is there an Affair? Probably, and you need to start working a plan to defeat it.

I will ask you a question:

Do you want to be right, or do your want to be married?

Your Convo with WH last night was you wanting to be RIGHT.

It did not further you along the road of restoring your M.

It OK to have planted the seed: "What does she know?"

But you don't know, and you have no method to confirm.

HE KNOWS what he is doing.

Collecting the info and snooping only confirms it for you, and allows you to prepare an exposure strategy.

Remember? A Plan?

The NEXT time your WH appears at your door, your phone, your office, your car window, please PLAN A him.

Snoop like all get out, but please, learn about Plan A and start doing that with him.

He's flying by the seat of his pants, thinking he is doing the "Right" thing. You however, have access to much information here, and can formulate a PLAN. And start winning with this PLAN.

LG

I do not have access to cell phone bill because his business pays the bill. I tried calling to get a copy or call history and they would not give it to me.

I have checked home phone bill and did not find any strange #s.

After my H told me of the affair 5-6 wks ago I was checking his cell phone while he was still at home. I did not find any strange #'s but he could have been deleting them.

Do you think there is any hope of recovering the marriage? he acts like he don't know me anymore or has never loved me.

T&B,

If you read the threads here you'll see soooooo many spouses that have been where you are now. A's are really all the same and the WS (wayward spouse) pretty much spew the same venom. It's amazing how alike they all are!

Yes you have the chance of recovering your M.

Have you read this site thoroughly?
Read about EN's?
Read about LB's?

What happened was somewhere along your M time frame, your WH chose to have an A. He may still be in the one he confessed about or this one could be a new one. In either case he has spent a great deal of effort working on this A. Energy that he should have been investing in you. So right now he doesn't "feel" in love with you because he's getting this tremendous rush from the A. He's addicted to it and wants it to continue. It's a fantasy. No kids, no worries, no bills. It's an escape. He thinks he can sustain it, but once you get enough info and proof and you expose it, it won't look so appealing.

At this point you need to pretty much listen to the advice everyone has given you. Do everythin you can to find out about the A and the OW. In the meantime, Plan A your WH. Read the articles here, ask questions. See, it's a plan where you start to "show him the way home". Be a wife that any man would want to come home to. Be pleasant. Don't LB(love bust). If you don't know about these, read about them. They're basically things that withdraw love from our spouses love bank. (angry outbursts, selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, annoying habits, etc) Work on eliminating those. Work on the things that YOU can improve on. Start this now.

So when you see your WH, don't LB, be pleasant. Try to meet some of his EN (emotional needs) if you know what some of them are. Show him a home that is enjoyable to be in....

But in the background, you're gathering all the info you can.


READ READ READ

Thanks guys for all the good advice.

WH just called to talk to the kids and I answered the phone. I am going to try Plan A. I asked him how work was today and asked if they were busy. He answered and did not ask me any questions. I also told him that oldest son tried calling him at 9:00 last pm and did not get an answer. Our son called his grandmothers # where WH is staying. WH said for him to call cell phone because he always has that with him. I left it at that. He talked to the boys for 2-3 minutes and that was it.

I get the urge to call him all the time and I'm not sure if I should. Before he left I was used to calling him everyday at lunch and other times. I just miss talking to him. Should I call him when I get the urge and if so how much? I don't want to drive him crazy!!

I am going to be pleasant towards him and try to meet some EN's. It's hard to meet EN's when I don't see him everyday.

ANYMORE SUGGESTIONS? I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET!!!!

T&B:

Read up on Plan A. Please.

H calls, you answer. This was plan A:

"I asked him how work was today and asked if they were busy. He answered" He didn't follow up, but that is to be expected right now.

However, it then veered away from Plan A:

"I also told him that oldest son tried calling him at 9:00 last pm and did not get an answer. Our son called his grandmothers # where WH is staying"

Huge LoveBuster. He WAS With OW! And you called him out. And you knew this.

Light, Breezy and "in Charge" That's T&B. Not accusing. There is a time and place for that. But right now, you need to break the model you have been operating under. And start operating under a better one. OK?

Please.

T&B

Ask yourself what it would be like between the 2 of you if it were PERFECT.

If WH was meeting all of your EN, what would you be doing in return?

Think about how YOU walked, talked, looked, thought,acted when you first got together with your H.

Then BE that woman. DO those things with NO EXPECTATION of getting ANYTHING in return from WH.

Zip. Zero. Zilch. That is what you will get RIGHT NOW from your WH

But, you will have planted seeds for your H (not WH) to see, remember, and think about.

Those are the actions of a Plan A Goddess! You can be THAT Goddess!

thanks lousygolfer and bugsmom.

I have done lots of reading on MB and I have also read Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson---Good Book. I have read When The One You Loves Wants To Leave----also a good book.

I am going to Plan A him and hope this works. I just want my husband back and my kids keep asking when daddy is coming home, especially the 6 year old. It breaks my heart.

I have not received Separation papers yet and I'm beginning to wonder if has even been to an attorney.

WH is going to get the kids on Sunday and keep them until Wednesday and I don't think the kids should have to stay there half the week and be here half the week. I don't think that's fair to the kids or mom and dad. How do I approach this subject without making him mad or hurting the kids. The boys admire their dad and I don't want to keep them from him.

TB,I would not agree for him to take your kids from their home all those nights. Let him visit them and take them places, but they need to be home in their own bed at night.

As far as the seperation goes, he probably has not filed any such thing. You might call the courthouse and ask the clerk if she can tell you.

WS's lie. Right now you really cannot believe anything that comes out of his mouth. This will go on for awhile. Also most don't leave the M in the end. They cake eat for awhile, and it can be a long while. But the majority come home. Plan A helps him see what COULD BE. So do a really good Plan A. We have some really good Plan Aers here. They can help you.

What bothers you about the 1/2 week here and then there? Too much chaos?

MelodyLane:

Good Idea about calling the courthouse. See, I wouldn't have known to do that because i'm new to all of this. I hope he has not filed papers yet.

When I talked to him yesterday I told him that keeping the kids 3 or 4 days at a time was too long and not fair. He didn't take that well and said our lawyers and the judge will have to decide that. I think this will wear off and he will not want them for that length of time because he will be busy with OW.