I am more depressed now because I went to an attorney and it just seems too final. He wasn't sure if the papers were from an attorney or not and was shocked with all the mistakes.

I got alot of good advice and was told if WH and I could come to an agreement on our own it would be much cheaper. I'm not sure how cooperative WH will be.

In the papers it states he wants joint custody and will have the kids more than 50% of the time. That has to be changed because it's not fair to any of us.

When WH brought kids home today after work he gave me another child support check for $100 and states he is going to pay the house payment. I was releived.

While I was talking to him I noticed his hands were very shaky and I feel the same way around him.

Before he left he said that he did not cheat on me. I told him that I didn't want this separation and divorce. I was pleasant and so was he.

He asked me who my attorney was and I told him his name and that we needed to talk about the papers when he had time. WH said we could talk about the papers on Tuesday night because his mom was taking the kids somewhere overnight.

I just don't want to sign the papers because it seems too final. I would like to put it off for a while to see if he would come to his senses. I'm just not sure if he will continue helping with the bills if I don't sign the papers.

Any suggestions or advice on what I should do or how I should approach this!!

He said he didn't cheat on you but he handed in papers for the D? Hm.... Then ask him what does that mean in regards to his family? Don't tell him what you want or don't want. Time to let him explain himself.

Gotta learn to bite your tongue but not too hard. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Practice.

L.

You are getting Great advise here!

At this point, you don't HAVE to sign anything, so don't sweat that.

You did not say if these "papers" have been filed. That is important to know.

If your concern is making sure your finances as secure, and you should be concerned about that, talk to your A. There are ways to secure your finances that do NOT include Divorce!

Get educated on your options. Decide to take control of what you can control- which is You and Your Actions.

What is your plan?

Orchid is right. Learn the fine art of tongut biting! The key is to do it hard enough to stop the words from coming out of your mouth, but not so hard that you draw blood. THAT is very hard to do when talking to a WH!

Hang in there!

WH called last night and I answered the phone and asked him what he was doing. He said he was trying to figure out if there was a PI across the road. I said why do you thinkk there is a PI across the raod and he said someone called him to warn him. I told him I didn't have the money to hire a PI and told him I had all the proof I needed. I also asked him why he was worried about a PI if he was doing nothing wrong and WH said he doesn't want anyone following him because he could do what he wants to now.

WH said he knew that I had been on internet to get phone records and that it didn't show any phone #s. I told him that I have it printed out and I knew he had been talking to her. He denies the affair and I don't expect him to tell the truth right now, but I wish he would.

He also said that he didn't do anything before leaving home and I told him that he may not have but he was talking to her according to phone records. He thinks he's doing nothing wrong right now since he has left and I told him that it was adultry since we are still married.

I asked him what his mom thinks about all this and he said she supports him but doesn't agree with what he's doing.

He is trying to blame everything on me for him leaving. He says I didn't cook enough and he had to wake me up every morning for work. He would always get up first and take a shower and then wake me up. He is just trying to look for reasons other than the OW.

We were planning on talking about separation papers tomorrow night and I think we should wait because we can't reason with each other right now. Any Suggestions?


WH had called the kids yesterday morning and I talked to him. he seemed to be in a good mood and I asked him if he would read something without getting mad or think that I was being mean. He said yes and I asked him to read Proverbs 5,6,7 and Rev 2 21-29 about adultry. that may have been what set him off last night. I don't know if he read it not.

Everything he says right now is a lie. I don't know what to believe and what not to believe.

Can he file separation papers if I have not signed them yet and if so what does that mean?

He is very adament about not coming home.

Any suggestions? I need all the help I can get.

THANK YOU!

T&B

Yes this is all text book wayward!!!! Don't fall into their trap.

You go and get a mean azzed attorney and play hard ball. Don't sign any LS papers that 'his attorney' has drawn up. You are the mother, primary care giver I presume and the wronged in this relationship with this selfish alien being. Stop accepting his blame and re-writing of history.

Get your attorney and go for joint legal, you primary custodian w/ WH having visitation rights, keep the house with WH paying for it directly or via alimony, the standard % for CS in your state nothing less, name his lover in the papers, file a fault divorce claiming adultery, get a working LS or temp order in place that makes WH pay/foot the bill for the home and the children and other debts.

Find some strength/anger, whatever it takes to take care of you and your children from this selfish, self serving man who no doubt intends on replacing you with OW and having your children around them as much as they are around you and limiting his CS in the meanwhile.

T&B,

WSs lie. They will tell you EVERYTHING that YOU did wrong in your M. This is how they justify their waywardness. Accept this as fact. Don't expect your WH to be looking at all that HE DID WRONG. He won't. IN HIS MIND>>>YOU ARE TO BLAME!!! Just try to see past this. ONLY, and ONLY if he comes around, the fog clears and he ends his A, will he start to see WHAT HE DID. Don't take any of this to heart. Don't argue with his mindset. It'll push him farther away. He also won't read anything that makes him feel bad so don't bother with that.


If you are sure now that he is having an A and who it is with...you'll need to expose it. And you need to do it soon. Plan it out and ask any questions here. It is THE one major weapon that YOU have to end the A! Are you ready?

Hopeandpray and Michele G: Thanks for your help and advice.

Today was our 13th anniversary and it was not a good day. I told WH last night that today would be hard for me and he said it he knew it was our anniv. but it didn't matter now.

I am ready to Expose!!!

How should I go about Exposing? I'm not sure if OW is still at home with her H or if they are separated. I am sure of who OW is. I know OW home phone # and her H work #. We are thinking that he may work nights because of call times on WH cell phone bill. WH talks to her throughout about 6:30am to 4:30pm and then after 10:00 at night. There has not been any calls between 5:00-10:00pm.

Expose the affair to her husband. He most likely doesn't know, and they are probably still married. Let him know what he is up against and invite him to come here if he wants to work on the marriage.

Exposure is your biggest weapon.

I DID IT!! I EXPOSED!!!

I called OW husband today at work and I was a nervous wreck. I had to leave a message and he returned my call about 20 min later. I told him my name and he said I have been trying to reach you and didn't know how.

I said so you know what's going on and he said yes. He said they separated the same time my H and I did. He said she blamed everything on him and said she wasn't happy and I said yes I got the same thing.

Somehow he got my WH cell phone # and called him one day and he denied everything and didn't know what he was talking about.

OW is now living with her dad and to beat it all she works at a church daycare.

He said she has already filed for separation papers like my WH has. I told him they were moving way too fast. He is wanting to get some proof and I told him I had phone records.

I told him where I work and he said "really, that's a coincidence" because his wife just had surgery. She has another appt next Thursday and I don't think she will show up.

Good job!!

Now, call up your MIL and the OW's dad and tell them about the affair. Make sure you tell them they have ABANDONED THEIR SPOUSES AND CHILDREN SO THEY COULD CARRY ON THIS AFFAIR! <----put it like that so the infidels can't spin the story in a positive light.

Do ALL of your exposures NOW while you have them on the ropes.

Call the OW's CHURCH PASTOR and expose to the church board. They need to know that the OW is an adulteress.

Do you have any other exposure targets? What about your pastor, your H's father?

moving too fast??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> They are committing ADULTERY, not moving too fast!

when you speak to your husband, make sure he knows you have been in touch with the OWH and you now know the truth, that they have both abandoned their families for this affair. Make sure he understands you know this and that he continues to commit adultery TODAY.

What are the ages of your children?

Ya did good T&B!!!

I remember calling the OWH. I was really nervous too. It wasn't an easy call.

Is there anyone else that has any influence with your WH? Does your MIL know that her son is having an A? Or has he just told her he was unhappy in the M?

If you do expose to others make sure your intentions are known...you want to save your M, period. Do it calmly if you can.

Good job!

Thanks MG and ML!

My kids are 10 and 6 yrs old. 2 Boys!!

I asked WH a few days ago what his mom thinks about all of this and he said she doesn't agree with it but she supports him. WH dad passed away 3 wks ago and I know he wouldn't like what his son is doing. WH has not really had time to mourn his dads passing because he's been too busy with OW.

I am going to call the church where OW works and expose. I'm sure they don't want an adulter working at a church daycare.

it is very important that you speak to her yourself because he will have SPUN the story. I would let her know that H's adulterous affair [yes, use that term] has broken up 2 families. Say "I would like your help in saving this marriage from his affair. Your grandchildren need their dad."

I would also tell the boys about the affair, TB. They are old enough to know right from wrong and if you don't give them the needed moral guidance, your H will drag them into his affair and teach them that adultery is ok. Many WS will USE the kids to normalize the affair and give it a false air of respectibility. Don't let him use the kids in this way. And don't allow him to take the kids around the OW!

You are going great, keep up the pressure!

I need more help!!

WH has had the boys since Sunday night and I thought he was bringing them home tonight. When he didn't show I called him and asked if he was bringing them home and he said no am I suppost to. I said yes because you have had them 3 nights and he said I have not and I said yes you got them on Sunday. He said he would bring them if I wanted him to and I said yes they need to come home.

We have not signed Separation papers yet. His attorney mailed them on Monday and I have not received them yet. I want to get something worked out about the custody issue. I am going to call my attorney tomorrow to see if there is some kind of custody agreement I can get now. The boys are being shuffled around too much.

I am going to try and talk to WH about this in a minute when he brings them home. I just don't want to make him too mad.

ANY SUGGESTIONS on what I should say?

Don't say anything, let your attorney say it all. You don't agree to having your children shuffled around just so he can conduct his affair from his mothers. Have your attorney set up limited visitations. He seems to think he has all the control.


Whatever he tells you is likely a lie. It might be true that she doesn't love him and will support his adultery, but I would have to hear that from her. A parent who really loves their child will not support their destructive behavior.

Just an update.

WH called the kids on Saturday night and after talking to them he asked to speak to me. I said Hello and he said I just called to tell the boys that I love them and I said OK and he said he would call them on Sunday. I think he's feeling guilty. He did call on Sunday but I didn't talk to him.

The kids are going to stay with him tonight and I will get them back tomorrow night.

The OW has a doctors appt at the office where I work on Thursday. I don't think she will show up. If she does have the nerve to show up what should I say or should I say anything?

I finally received a card in the mail to pick up Separation papers at the post office. I have not picked them up yet and I'm not going to be in a hurry to get them.

Greet her at the front desk and ask how your husband is?

ML:

That's a good idea. Several of the girls here at work think I should check her in, take her back, and then check her out. I just don't have the nerve to do that. I doubt she will even show up. I don't know if I can stand to look at her much less talk to her.