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I have been trying to figure out how to post an original message here and have had no luck with my search. So I am posting the only way I can figure out how. I have been married for 21 years and I have 3 children. I have had a rocky marriage for about 16 years now. There has been lots of fights, drugs and alcohol and lots of seperations. This last year I reconcilled with my husband and moved out of my house of 8 years into a home with him. Within 3 weeks we got into a argument and he kicked me out. 3 weeks later I found out he was seeing a 24 year old women who has a drug problem and has only been clean less than a year. He brought her to my home and into my bed. I fell apart. I begged him to stop this he was so cruel to me with the things he said, but I couldnt let go of our marriage. He finally ended the relationship with her and I moved home in May. Boy was this humiliating. He was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me and he basicly will not do accountability. He blamed me for all my mistrust. We have only been intimate a few times since getting back together. He seems emotionally distant, and has no interest in me. My self esteem started on a down hill and the more I tried to do things to restore our marriage the more he would withdraw. He would expect unreasonable things from me. My emotional needs have not been getting met in this marriage for years and I did not become unfaithful in the past. But this time after months and months of begging for attention reading books getting counseling praying talking and arguing. I finally said I quit! I met someone else we talked for a few weeks and he met my needs I ended up sleeping with him. I ended the relationship imediately because I did not want to do this, I couldnt. But I also cant believe what I allowed myself to do. I lost respect for myself. I know how it feels to be on the hurtin end of the affair. I have a need to call this guy, I cant explain it. I love how he responds to me and how he cares for me. My husband acts as if he barely knows I am alive. I feel horrible guilt and have committed to not see this guy ever again. I feel sad about it though. I have not told my husband and I will not tell my husband. He has no clue, and he never will. That is how much attention he pays to me. I want to have a good relationship with my husband but I feel lost at what to do. Sometimes I still think he is seeing this girl because of the way he acts and because he has time and money missing. And because he will not touch me. We have not had sex in months. My husband was sleeping on the couch. What do I do. Any insight would help.
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Last edited by Justuss; 11/13/07 10:06 PM.
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Last edited by Justuss; 11/13/07 10:06 PM.
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Post deleted by Scott55403
Last edited by scott1228; 10/01/07 10:23 AM.
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Sounds tough man. It doesn't seem that Plan A is working out very well for you, Plan B would at least let you start to get on with life.
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Post deleted by Scott55403
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You need to go to Alanon. She drinks because she is an alcoholic.
Last edited by Justuss; 11/13/07 10:07 PM.
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Joined: Jun 2007
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How often does she drink? How long has she been drinking? How much does she drink?
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Please don't dismiss this possibility so quickly. You may be "plenty familiar with the signs of that," but one can miss/overlook/deny signs when it is your own situation.
Take an honest look at your wife and then post the answers to Believer's questions. If you really want to save your M, you need to be completely honest with yourself (not saying that you aren't). If she is an alcoholic, I have read here that Plan A is disastrous and will not have the desired effect.
Last edited by Justuss; 11/13/07 10:08 PM.
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Do you realize that people who are not alcoholics don't usuually drink alone at home to the point of passing out, but alcoholics do?
Last edited by Justuss; 11/13/07 10:09 PM.
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If I were to reword your post just a bit, it makes perfect sense:
Doctors consider alcoholism a disease and have for a very long time. If you know anything about withdrawal from alcohol, you can start to comprehend the physical aspect of this disease.
I don't mean to be insensitive
Last edited by Justuss; 11/13/07 10:09 PM.
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How long did you know her before you married her?
She seems to have severe probelms - I would suspect she is AT LEAST self medicating with alcohol, and could be bi-polar. She really needs to see a doctor, but I suppose she thinks there is nothing wrong with being newly married, having 5 affairs, and drinking to the point of vomiting once or twice a week.
Last edited by Justuss; 11/13/07 10:10 PM.
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