Are you sure the affair is over? Did she write a no contact letter? Did you mail it?
Chances are if she's still withdrawing from you, and you are unsure about contact - she's likely still in contact.
You're in the right place - the pros here will help you (I am just a mere student <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) but in my short time here I've learned a ton.
In support,
JinGA
Welcome. How was your marriage before she had the affair? Try to remember what she complained about, and fix those things.
Also you should ask her to write a no contact letter to the guy, and you should send it. And if she has decided to stay married and work on recovery, then she needs to be an open book, and you need to let her know that you will be checking the phone/computer.
Oldest daughters can be a handful. We went through H*ll with ours, and are now divorced.
Yes, you can ask her to do the EN questionairre. She may refuse, but no harm trying. Most women's top needs are conversation, financial and domestic support.
Is she living with you? How long have you been married? Does she still want to work on the marriage? Did she just put in the personal ad?
Give us some more info. Right now I don't even know if you live together. Give us more detail on the affair. How do you know it's over.
And who cares if she can tell if you've checked her phone? Check it anyway. She has demonstrated she's untrustworthy. If she refuses to be an open book, then you snoop.
Dude,
I don't know how much experience I have, but I think you need a reply.
Plan A your A$$ off. You know plan A, right? Being the best husband, friend, confidant, lover (if your lucky <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />) pal, etc. you can be.
But no fawning over her, as in smothering her. Maybe you are trying too hard??
And don't go all blubbery and clingy and sad and talking about the relationship at all hours. Don't talk R talk at all unless she brings it up.
Be happy and energetic and fun to be around.
She is probably going through withdrawal. You never did say if there was a no contact letter and did you send it?
Be there for her and wait it out.
But I would keep snooping as much as possible if you think there may still be contact.
That's all I got for now.
kirk
PERSONAL AD??
So does she still HAVE the personal ad??
PERSONAL AD??
So does she still HAVE the personal ad??
Get a keylogger, hack into her personal ad, and delete it. This is blatantly disrespectful and you shouldn't lie down for it. Don't cower in fear at a WS, you need to stand up to them.
Why beat around the bush? If you have "someone else" report it, you still instigated it. If you're going to report it, do it yourself, although nothing will stop her from putting up another profile.
It's easy to go underground with stuff like that - if you play games with her on it, she'll just cover her tracks better. Do you really want to play that game?
She has a personal ad. That's a huge red flag that you've got a MAJOR problem that needs to be dealt with head-on.
You can sneak around and try to stay a step ahead, while she carries on these online flirtations, or you can stick your head in the sand and pretend it's no big deal.
OR you can address it directly. Seems to me you need MC - at the very least. I'm not a long-timer or a "pro" here - I'm still learning every day... but logically it seems to me the sooner this is nipped in the bud and a boundary established, the sooner you'll know where you stand.
I think the M can still be fixed at this point - IF both of you want to - but that's all contingent on what you both want.
Hopefully the more learned here will chime in more but I think you've already received some good advice.
JinGA
Scotty,
Anti-depresents, they will help with the rollercoaster ride. Talk to your doctor if the anxiety is affecting your life.
OM is the same one she took the dresses to? Is OM married. Best way to stop the clandestine bullpoop is to EXPOSE THE A!!
How can there be any kind of recovery if she is still doing this?? Have you both tried marriage counseling with a pro-marriage therapist? It's like she is cake-eating. Or biding her time until the next exciting email arrives.
Just curious as to if you or she were the infidels.
You have been married for just over a year? And she has had a PA and is now, even as we speak, sifting through the flood of emails from her personal ad searching for.....???
I would vote hard for the counseling and you have to set some boundaries. Maybe this is what she needs?? for you to put your foot down??
IMHO
kirk
Actually, I'm curious about that question on the end of your last marriage as well.
Also, if you DON'T confront, you're condoning her to continue doing what she's doing. Think about it.
You need to expose the affair to EVERYONE. The longer it goes on, the farther she will withdraw from you.
No, marriage shouldn't be like this. It sounds like she has some personal issues, or is a serial cheater. You might want to stick with Plan A, but detach a little. Are you taking good care of yourself?
SCOTT,
I don't know what to tell you. Sounds like she is self-destructing.
How much are you willing to put up with??
What else has been going on besides her getting blotto?
kirk
How was your wife's childhood? Any history of abuse of any kind from her parents or previous relationships??
Coachswife,
I was going to look you up and here you are. My FWH is now a Former Coach.....last night he said he just quit coaching so he can spend more time with me. Not sure how I think about that...he's been coaching for 33 years. (Actually I'm thrilled but a bit in shock and wanted your perspective....if you are truly a coach's wife....I admit I haven't read any of your posts, just have seen your name around.)
I'm going to update my "Trials and Smiles" recovery thread soon and include this development. Please check it out and respond there so we don't TJ Scott's call-for-help thread.
Scott,
My heart goes out to you. I saw your post on my MR. Romance Saga and thought I'd check up on your sitch. If we had found MB and learned to implement its principles sooner, we would not have had to wait 30 years to improve our marriage.
Can you link me to (or tell me where) your full story and timeline is? If it's on various threads in bits and pieces, I'll find it eventually via your history, but if it's a long post somewhere, knowing that will make things faster.
I am leaving town for the weekend, but will check up with you next week. Hang in there.
Thanks,
Ace
How long did you know her before you married her?
One affair would be easier to understand. But the fact that she is married to you, and using this time to actively seek someone else is very troubling. It shows a real lack of respect.
Do you make more money than she does? I'm trying to figure out why she continues to stay married if she is interested in dating.
I Just lost my post. Here's the cliffnote version.
Plan A does not mean you need to be a doormat.
Continue all the things that you are doing to improve yourself as a person, father, husband.
You also need to disable, not enable her actions. I.E. cancel the internet account, turn off the cellphone, etc.... Whatever is required.
I read you updated your "base sticker". Look to the base chapel or chapels to see if they support or run marriage retreats or workshops. Typically they are free, and will not turn anyone away. If you can get the W to attend, it will strike a nerve and might help snap her out.
It sounds like you should both look into anti-depression meds.
We all know how tough this is for you right know. It seems overwelming, but you need to know it does get better, and you can do it. Always keep your kids in your thought and decission making process.
I understand what you are saying about being a doormat, but I think at this point she may be just waiting for the excuse she needs to leave so that she can blame this on me in her mind... being controlling would do that... even if it was justified on my part.
So what are your options?
1. Continue Plan A with hope that over time she will come around on her own. Meanwhile you continue to be treated with disrespect.
2. Continue to Plan A and inform her you Love her, but are unwilling to treated with disrespect. That you will do whatevers necessary in order protect your M and family. You will not stand for martial abuse.
3. Plan B
4. Plan D
What expectations do you have for your M if you knowingly allow her to continue on this course?
I agree about the anti-depression. I did go to a doctor but he prescribed something similar to something I took before and I didn't like the side effects, so am not taking them.
Did you tell your doctor? Research other medication options.
Unfortunately, the new job that she just took would preclude us from the weekend retreat, as well as a lot of other fun things that I thought might bring us close together.
The workshop I attended was during the week. Yes I had to take personal time off, but It was well worth it. You don't know unless you look into it before dismissing the possibility. Even if it's 3 months from now, you can begin planning.
Worse thing that happens... You would be proving by your actions, you want to improve your M.
- No time to spend in lengthy "advice sessions," so just some brief comments, observations, and suggestions. What you do with them will be up to you, what you want, and how much you are willing to endure for your marriage, your child, and your chosen wife. You HAVE the Scriptural right to a divorce because she has committed, and is committing, adultery in mind and body.
Having said that, let's look ever so briefly at many of your comments and offer some brief responses to the things you have posted.
[color:"blue"](This "fear" is a normal response that Betrayed Spouses have, but you need to understand that the marriage is ALREADY over. It ended when she chose adultery. She has already made her choice and is now "cakewalking" by playing on your fears. Grow a "set" and recognize that if, and only if, you are willing to "go through he11" in trying to save your marriage to her can you have a CHANCE at rebuilding a NEW marriage. The "Old Marriage," as short in duration as it is, is over.[/color]
[color:"blue"](Won't blow over, fundamental personality problems)[/color]
[color:"blue"](Anti-anxiety meds will help, but stay with the mildest one that gets you to smooth out the highs and lows and continue functioning clearly and rationally, not in response to wildly swinging emotions)[/color]
----
[color:"blue"](Are both you believers? Prayer is ineffective when people willingly choose to disobey God. Prayer for God to help each of you realize your individual need for Him and the need to surrender your lives to HIM.)[/color]
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[color:"blue"](She already ended the marriage when she chose adultery)[/color]
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[color:"blue"](CANNOT "make progress" when a spouse is "Wayward Spouse" mindset. Goal is first to end all affairs and THEN begin a recovery attempt where BOTH spouses are "trying")[/color]
[color:"blue"](Yes, and Yes)[/color]
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[color:"blue"](Either she is "escaping" into alcohol or she IS an alcoholic. I suspect the latter and that it probably had a lot to do with her previous failed relationships)[/color]
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[color:"blue"](All about "her" and everyone else has the "problems")[/color]
[color:"blue"](Again, more indication that she is an alcoholic)[/color]
----
[color:"blue"]( True and Untrue. It IS all about HER, self-centered and selfish. It is NOT about what's "best for the baby" because ADULTERY and marital unfaithfulness is NOT good for anyone, especially not for children who suffer from the selfishness of so-called "adults."[/color]
----
[color:"blue"](The "clues" of your current problem are here. You both need to be in counseling, preferably JOINT MARITAL counseling, NOT individual counseling. You need counseling that is focused on saving marriages AND understanding what marriage means and how actions impact positively or negatively the "one flesh" entity that IS marriage)[/color]
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[color:"blue"](There are psychological terms for this, but I'm betting A.D.D. is a big part of her personality. I'm also betting drinking has lot to do with her "getting tired" of a job.) [/color]
----
[color:"blue"](Plain and simple: She is an alcoholic. The drinking probably also contributed to her previous relationships breakups. Not much can be done for an alcoholic until the STOP ALL drinking. NOT one drop, not for any reason. An alcoholic WILL make your life "he11 on earth," as well as that of anyone else, including the new baby. This has a LOT to do with why she likes YOU to be taking care of the baby.)[/color]
[color:"blue"](Alcoholism)[/color]
[color:"blue"](Alcoholics are not hungry a lot of the time)[/color]
Advice: Deal with the alcoholism first. Nothing else will have any effect until that is first dealt with. It will be "he11," so if you want to try to help her and save your marriage to her, get thee to ALANON immediately for knowledge, help, and support in dealing with an alcoholic spouse.
Continue posting and reading here for knowledge and understanding OF affairs, and what you can do to improve yourself (Plan A) and to end the affairs and get a recommitment from her to working at making THIS marriage successful for both of your and the child who is now the innocent pawn in the behavioral problems of adults.
From your descriptions, your W is on a downward spiral. She is addicted to alcohol and addicted to, like you said, the "idea of an A". She needs some professional help.
This is crazy!! It is unbelievable!! Did you ever confront her on this?? If not then you are the king and president of the CONFLICT AVOIDENCE club. Other MBers are telling you not to be a doormat. I think it goes beyond being a doormat.
AND YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU!?
I do not see any light at the end of your tunnel, if you stay on this path, i.e."the path of least resistance".
I believe it is up to you to shake things up. File for the big D!! Kick her out of the house. Cancel her cell phone. Throw all the liquor away. Throw the computor out the window, or at least cancel the internet service.
If you can commit her, for her own good, then do it.
Plan B would be the best for you, that's for sure, but it is hard to plan B when she is living with you.
She is not going to change her direction (of self destruction) if there is no outside source that will block her onward charge.
Wish there was an easy answer for you. Stay strong and start standing up to her.
IMHO
kirk
I do not think plan A works on an ALCOHOLIC!! A Plan Aer becomes an enabler to an alcoholic.
TOTALLY HUNGOVER!! plus you state "I have taken care of her while sick"" it should be "while HUNGOVER""
Listen to FOREVERHERS. Concentrate on the alcoholism sickness first. The Yahoo personal adds probably stem from drunken imaginings.
kirk
I know this is very hard emotionally for you, so I'm not trying to "rub salt" in your wounds. But you do need to face the reality that your situation is not "MB Normal" because of the Alcohol addiction.
Think of it this way:
Alcoholism = 2000 pound Pink Elephant in your house.
Adultery = 800 pound Gorilla in your house.
Both are a problem but the elephant will have it's way with both the gorilla and you. If you stop the gorilla (unlikely, but let's assume you can), the CAUSE of the "biggest problem" is still there wreaking havoc and just waiting for the next time to "do whatever it wants to do."
You MUST get professional help. You MUST get yourself to Alanon, or something similar, to begin to understand what is going on with her alchoholism and what you may be able to do to help her and to protect you and the child.
"Plan B" won't work because the problem is the alcohol, not the marital infidelity. I'm not making light of the infidelity, because it IS serious for any marriage, but you can't solve that problem until the alcohol problem is solved first. And THAT won't happen until she is ready to face the fact that she IS an alcoholic and is ready to try to kick the habit. That usually requires her to "hit bottom" first, though. Suffice it to say that she has a history of "running" from problems and not facing them, probably because that would have meant that she would have to face her drinking problem first, and she loves to drink.
Your last sentence caught my eye. You say this had real potential because you have felt more love from her than from anyone??
I find this kind of backwards. Anybody else??
kirk
do yourself an immense favor and GO to an Alanon meeting.
So "diet" is the excuse du jour, eh?
As with her comments regarding counseling, she is in denial and will not face her problems.
You need to be "educated" in the ways and wiles of an alcoholic. There used to be some members who were very familiar with alcoholism, but they don't post much, if any, anymore. But Alanon is the expert for family members of alcoholics.
Please stop the denial and desire to find some other way to "fix" your marriage. She will jump off the "wagon" whenever she starts to feel the need to escape something and if you don't know what to look for, you will be caught short again.
You posted on my Mr. Romance Saga and asked me to look over your scenario.
The posters who have responded have far more experience with what you need to help yourself and then your wife overcome her addictions to alcohol and avoidance behaviors.
Most of what I have to share will not help if alcohol is still in control. Please take care of that first.
* Define your goals clearly. Write them down.
* Get educated(FH mentioned Alanon and there must be web sites for this.)
* Develop a support group (local church? IC? IC referrals?).
You must establish a solid foundation for you in order to be able to effectively help her. Take care of yourself.
Best wishes,
Ace
If you don't stand up and fight now, you are going to become numb to her actions.
Currently you have the desire to save your M. That will not always be the case.
What are your chances of success when neither you or your W care?
If you don't stand up and fight, she's going to feel that it doesn't matter...she can do anything she wants to and you'll never object. Eventually she'll feel that you don't care what she does.
You WILL lose her if you don't stand up and take action. This is a given. Count on it.
The worst that can happen if you fight is that you still lose her. Not any different than taking no action. But, you CAN AND DO stand a chance to save things if you do fight for her.
Get the idea?
OK...so she threatened your life.
I think that you need to contact the police, right now.
Tell them exactly what she said, tell them that you're scared for your and your son's life, and get a restraining order on her ASAP. Get your lawyer engaged, and see about getting custody of your son RIGHT NOW, so that you can protect and take care of him.
As far as her "doing some things to see if I was policing her"...you know that's pure horse puckey, right? She was doing it because she was doing it...and she came up with that as her LIE to try to shift the blame off of her and onto you. Don't even fall for that stuff.
First off...take active steps to protect yourself and your son. RIGHT NOW.
Worry about 'winning her back' after the two of you are safe. Make taking care of you and him your top priority first!
[color:"red"]
You need to report this incident to the police ASAP. This is a threat NOT to be taken lightly. Will it rock her world? Yes. But it will also let her know that threats such as she made will NOT be tolerated by anyone.
L. [/color]
Have you reported the threat yet? Do so before you regret it.
L.
Of course she's not happy at the moment. Plan A your butt off right now.
Does her family and friends know about her emotional affair(s)? I'm too lazy to go back and look.
Hold your ground. Make it clear that if she's going to stay in the house, she's going to remain in NO CONTACT with OM, nor will she continue to cheat on you. If she wants to cheat, she can leave...without the kids.
I'd also set this additional expectation...if she's going to remain in the house, she's going to go with you to marriage counseling. It's that, or leave. She has to make some kind of effort towards reconciliation...or she's out, on her own, without the kids.
Sounds harsh, but there you go.
I did something similar in my case. When my wife didn't fly off to live with OM (whom she'd never met in person), I told her point blank that both of us were going to IC and MC...non-negotiable. She's either there and working to solve the problem, or she's gone.
We're three years plus into recovery now.
You can do this. Right now, its all about plan A. Start making the changes that you can to meet her emotional needs and make yourself more attractive to her. At the same time, keep the pressure on her to end the affair, and do not let her continue to treat you like a doormat.
OK...go back and re-read up on plan A.
You have to do plan A. There is a thread on the "carrot and stick of plan A". Find it. Read it. DO IT.
You need to follow the carrot AND the stick.
The carrot is all about making positive changes in yourself, in meeting her EN's, etc... The stick is exposure. Which you've not done.
Have you read HNHN? SAA? Read the articles on the side of this website?
I think you've spent all this time trying to prove it, without giving any thought to what you'd do when you DID prove it.
Seriously...look this stuff up, get plan A fired up and running...NOW. Meet her needs...AND expose!
Do the emotional needs questionairre in HNHN. Do it TWICE...and since she's wanting to stay and work, she should too.
Have her fill it out once for HER needs...what she wants/needs from you. Have her do a second one, outlining what she believes that you need from her.
You do the exact same thing.
Then sit down and compare the results. See how well you knew each other's EN's. Both of you talk and work out HOW to meet each other's top emotional needs.
Talk about the lovebusters. Ask which ones you're guilty of. Identify the ones you feel she's guilty of. Work out plans to avoid both.
There are a host of good tools in the books and on this site.
OK...so...what, EXACTLY about the new job are you opposed to?
Is there ANY way to take the situation with the new job and turn it into a win for BOTH of you?
Have you considered approaching the most 'neutral' person in her family, explaining to them that you feel she's misrepresenting what's going on, and that you'd like to talk with them so that someone in the family has BOTH sides? Tried to find a way to 'win them over'?
This alone is enough to make you wonder if you want to stay married to this woman. Wanting you to forego being with your children. When she married you, you had these children right? Did she think they would magically go awawy once you were married. Your WW sounds extremely selfish and immature. Like a teenager with a crush and doesn't like being told what to do. It's like you have grounded her and she doesn't like it. Fight for your marriage, plan B may become necessary before you completely lose what love you have left for her???
I would however ever so quitely began building my custody case including documenting whose taking care of the children while she works, sleeps to recover from work, party's, calls and contacts OM. Do this regardless of the road your M takes.
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry, Scott. Prayers said.
Good...that's some good plan A time for you, really.
I feel the same way about my grandmother!!!! She did get to see my kids born but my six year old talks about her all the time- saying how much she misses her.
Why do you think your wife wrote off the marriage?? To me, I would think that she would have written it off due to resentment- which was the case in my affair/divorce.
What would she be resentful of though if you were meeting all of her EN's? Quite frankly, you cannot be sure about that unless she's filled out the EN questionaire, correct?
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It does sound like you are doing all you can to hold the marriage together.
What were some of the red flags you saw in her before you married her? How long did you know her?
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Man, I just read all this.
I don't really think infidelity is the problem with your wife. I mean, I think whatever the problem is manifests itself in many ways, one of them being infidelity, but the problem goes much deeper than that.
She's not having an affair you can really stop! What are you going to do? Call every man on myspace and yahoo? She doesn't appear to care much who it is she's having innapropriate contact with, and as soon as you stop one she's started 3 more.
She seems to have a complete lack of respect for you, her son, and herself. I would suspect its some combination of psychiatric disorder and alcoholism fueling this behavior.
I mean, I can understand most infidelity. I don't agree with it, but I can at least comprehend how someone either was provided an opportunity and seized it or developed intimate feelings for someone else. But your wife is out there seeking opportunities with strangers. That's not very typical. It just makes me think that infidelity is just the tip of this iceberg.
Good luck man.
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I have been trying to figure out how to post an original message here and have had no luck with my search. So I am posting the only way I can figure out how. I have been married for 21 years and I have 3 children. I have had a rocky marriage for about 16 years now. There has been lots of fights, drugs and alcohol and lots of seperations. This last year I reconcilled with my husband and moved out of my house of 8 years into a home with him. Within 3 weeks we got into a argument and he kicked me out. 3 weeks later I found out he was seeing a 24 year old women who has a drug problem and has only been clean less than a year. He brought her to my home and into my bed. I fell apart. I begged him to stop this he was so cruel to me with the things he said, but I couldnt let go of our marriage. He finally ended the relationship with her and I moved home in May. Boy was this humiliating. He was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me and he basicly will not do accountability. He blamed me for all my mistrust. We have only been intimate a few times since getting back together. He seems emotionally distant, and has no interest in me. My self esteem started on a down hill and the more I tried to do things to restore our marriage the more he would withdraw. He would expect unreasonable things from me. My emotional needs have not been getting met in this marriage for years and I did not become unfaithful in the past. But this time after months and months of begging for attention reading books getting counseling praying talking and arguing. I finally said I quit! I met someone else we talked for a few weeks and he met my needs I ended up sleeping with him. I ended the relationship imediately because I did not want to do this, I couldnt. But I also cant believe what I allowed myself to do. I lost respect for myself. I know how it feels to be on the hurtin end of the affair. I have a need to call this guy, I cant explain it. I love how he responds to me and how he cares for me. My husband acts as if he barely knows I am alive. I feel horrible guilt and have committed to not see this guy ever again. I feel sad about it though. I have not told my husband and I will not tell my husband. He has no clue, and he never will. That is how much attention he pays to me. I want to have a good relationship with my husband but I feel lost at what to do. Sometimes I still think he is seeing this girl because of the way he acts and because he has time and money missing. And because he will not touch me. We have not had sex in months. My husband was sleeping on the couch. What do I do. Any insight would help.
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Sounds tough man. It doesn't seem that Plan A is working out very well for you, Plan B would at least let you start to get on with life.
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You need to go to Alanon. She drinks because she is an alcoholic.
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How often does she drink? How long has she been drinking? How much does she drink?
Please don't dismiss this possibility so quickly. You may be "plenty familiar with the signs of that," but one can miss/overlook/deny signs when it is your own situation.
Take an honest look at your wife and then post the answers to Believer's questions. If you really want to save your M, you need to be completely honest with yourself (not saying that you aren't). If she is an alcoholic, I have read here that Plan A is disastrous and will not have the desired effect.
Do you realize that people who are not alcoholics don't usuually drink alone at home to the point of passing out, but alcoholics do?
If I were to reword your post just a bit, it makes perfect sense:
Doctors consider alcoholism a disease and have for a very long time. If you know anything about withdrawal from alcohol, you can start to comprehend the physical aspect of this disease.
I don't mean to be insensitive
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How long did you know her before you married her?
She seems to have severe probelms - I would suspect she is AT LEAST self medicating with alcohol, and could be bi-polar. She really needs to see a doctor, but I suppose she thinks there is nothing wrong with being newly married, having 5 affairs, and drinking to the point of vomiting once or twice a week.
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How long did you know her before you married her?
Anti-D's won't help her if she is bi-polar. Do you notice periods of highs?
I think you need to protect yourself by going to Plan B.
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And why are you choosing not to go to Plan B?
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Hey ,
I went through most of this post to get the background. I didn't want to reply on the other post because it was for someone else.
I have to say you do have a mess here. IMO you seem to be what I call a rescuer. You feel a need to fix other people. You can't fix your wife. She needs serious help and only she can get it.
Just so I have the facts here:
Step back and if this were me posting what would you tell me?
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OK...at this point, I don't see any reason for your wife to change her ways. There's no PRESSURE on her to make that kind of change.
If you change nothing, nothing changes.
You're going to be stuck in this rut for as long as you let yourself be treated this way. If you don't opt to do something about it (plan B, further exposure, something...), you're going to be in this same boat this coming up April.
Personally, she needs to start seriously suffering some kind of consequences of her affair(s). And all these inappropriate contacts with OM of various numbers count as such.
If she's going to do that, you need to make sure that you totally cut off whatever means she's using. Stop paying her phone bill, internet, etc...
If she keeps this up, you really NEED to have a plan together on letting her 'suffer' for it. If she wants to act unmarried, she should be TREATED that way by you.
Just how I see it.
I am not up on the IM's.... What does s o on mean?
I'm sure you have gone online and read the risk factors, if you haven't please do so, just so you will have a line of defence if it comes up again.
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Things will most likely continue to fall apart until you do something different. Please go to alanon and get some support. If your wife ISN'T an alcoholic (and I think she IS), the support will still help you. The 12 step program will help you will dealing with an alcoholic, a person who has mental issues, and many other problems.
You are a good guy, and I hate to see you suffering like this.
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