I am 30yr and have been married for 4 years and together with my husband for 15 years. We got together in highschool and grew up together. We have been having minor issues for the last 2 years, and major issues started 2.5mths ago. My husband has been travelling on/off the last 2 years for work around asia. Before then we were together all the time. In his last trip to thailand, he was there for 3 weeks and I went up to see him after that. We had a fight, because I felt neglected, he had gone out with mates over there and didn't invite me. I had spent almost the whole trip doing things on my own anyway. He said some hurtful things during the fight.."I don't even care if you sleep with another man" That was 2.5mths ago, and he hasn't been normal since. He barely spoke to me the rest of the trip and when we got home, he got up and left and went back to thailand telling me he needed to think. Whilst up there he was sending me mixed messages via sms, one day he didn't know, then next he was sending checking if you are ok etc.
He has since come home and still not his usual self, I found out he was with a friend up there, but also with a woman I have never heard of.. a thai woman. I investigated myself and found that he stayed in the same room as her, but there were 2 single beds. Anyway I confronted him about it and he says he hasn't cheated on me. He says he wants to try and make our relationship work, but he is not really trying. He says he has become like this because all these years I have trapped him and stopped him from doing all the things he wanted to do, and he doesn't want to be unhappy anymore so he is going to do whatever he wants. Anyway I agreed to give him some freedom to do things that he wants to do.. BUT he is still verry cold and rude towards me, comes home late from work, barely speaks to me unless it is about money or bills. Rude to me infront of others. he makes me feel like i am totally worthless. He also is trying to make me look bad to others.. He has brought up the way I dress (although it hasn't bothered him before) and the fact the I did pole dancing classes (only girls) 2 years ago (which didn't bother him then)... he is withdrawring too much money from his credit card, yet complaining about credit cards not being paid off. he has become selfish with money, not wanting to give me any or hardly any he had $150, and gave me $30. He seems to have no interest in me emotionally. We have been together physically, but the next day the same behaviour appears. I don't know if he cheated and is guilty or wants freedom, or is rebelling or all the above. Last year, one night he got a phone call and I answered it.. It was a girl, but her number was disguised under a guys name. I questioned him about it and he said they were just friends and he was helping her deal with her problems. He ended up going out to meet her for an hour at 2am in the morning.. He insisted they were just friends and he is not a cheater.. I called her and she confirmed they were not cheating..
Anyway now I don't know what to do.. I love him but feel he doesn't love me.. although he has said he does love and care for me, but can't handle some of the things I do. he feels that i don't trust him or make a fuss when he wants to do something...being with him this long I also know how friendly and helpful he can be with men and women.. So am i reading to much into this?? Is it possible he wants attention?
Can someone react this way by feeling untrusted or trapped?
What do I do?
