isthisme,
Uhhhhh...I have a couple questions for you. You've been married for 11 years, and he has had 10 affairs in the last six years!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
TEN!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
You wrote:
He's not attached to any of them - says he's happy I uncovered it.
What does he mean "attached"? Is HE the one who used that term, or was that you? Do you mean that he's "married" to you but not "attached" enough to you to stay faithful? Or does he mean that he had inappropriate sexual relations with people other than his spouse because they meant nothing to him...but YOU DO mean something to him? Uhhhh...doesn't make much sense does it?
Having
TEN affairs in the last six years tends to indicate to me that he is not able to attach to ANYONE! I would venture to guess that the issues run deeper than "who he IS or IS NOT attached to."
You wrote:
Seems repentant, doing everything he's "supposed" to be doing to help me heal.
So what exactly is he doing? I suppose he is telling you that he's REALLY sorry and he MEANS it this time...and he PROMISES it will never happen again. Right?
Is he willingly allowing you to see all of his email accounts? Is he accountable for his time? Does he think it's reasonable that you don't trust him and he's willing to earn your trust back? Is he taking personal responsibility for having enormous personal problems that lead him to seek out other women to prove himself? Is he reading here on MB and doing relationship counseling or coaching?
You wrote:
Had to walk through each one tonight.
What does this mean? Did you go through each affair with him tonight and he was honest with you? Did he give you details? What does this mean?
You wrote:
I've never known anyone but him - I have no way to relate to even being with another person in that way.
So a few marriage details. How old are you? How old is he? Any kids? Have you ever cheated? Have you read any of the articles, questionnaires or basic concepts on this site?
It would really help if you could fill in a few of these details. Frankly, I believe marriage is a covenant and am generally the most pro-marriage person I know...but after 10 affairs, it doesn't sound good--it doesn't sound like he's very healthy or like you've got a very healthy self-image either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Your faithful friend,
CJ
