I have been giving something lots of thought the past few days and so I pose the following question, first to BS's.

What are the top five reasons that you decided to stay in your marriage and try to recover after you learned of your spouses infidelity?


And, to FWS, or WS.

Why, (again, top 5 reasons)especially if you believed that you were "in love" with the OP in your Affair, did you not leave your spouse?

Thanks to those who respond.

Who

1) I was still totally in love with my wife.
2) I was afraid she was making a huge mistake and would get hurt. I wanted to protect her.
3) I wanted to keep the famil intact.
4) She makes great guacamole.
5) She sews on the occasional button.

In that order.

1. Children
2. Money
3. Shared history (we met when I was 17 which was rather a long time ago)
4. He is sick
5. I'm nuts.

1. the children
2. money (did not think i could live on just one income, and really, we barely can but are)
3. he made me feel sorry for him, acted needy,i am a sucker
4. i believed the man i married was in there somewhere
5. my inlaws BEGGING me not to give up

side note: we are not together. his infidelities continued and i had enough.

mlhb

1) I loved my wife and still do
2) I knew that I had not lived up to my end of the bargain by not being the best H that I could be, and I wanted the chance to prove to my wife and myself that I could be that person.
3) The children
4) I find my wife to be an incredibly interesting person who sees the world quite differently than I do.
5) I find my wife to be very attractive - don't want nobody else.

1. Because I made a promise to God when I said my vows.
2. Because I've loved him since the beginning.
3. Because I KNEW it wasn't HIM that I was seeing during that time.
4. Because he's the father of my children and grandfather to our grandchildren.
5. Because we were worth it.

BTW: great idea for a post

I was involved in EA on e-mail and although I "fell in love" with OM the thought of leaving my H never crossed my mind because of the following reasons (I've tried to put it in order of importance):

1. I made a promise to God when I said my marriage vows. A choice to leave my H would totally destroy me and my relationship with God.

2. I loved my H and still love him. I chose my H as a life long partner and he was (and is) still my choice even after I’ve "fell in love” with OM. There were never any doubt in my mind that me & H belong together...“for better or worse”.

3. I would have not been able to live with the consequences, destruction & hurt etc. it would cause to my H and other people like OM's family and me and my H's families. I would not be able to live with the guilt & shame of being a "home-wrecker".

4. I would not be able to live with such a lack of integrity and morals on both me and OM’s part. In spite of my feelings for OM, there were many things about him I did not like and would not be able to live with. Most importantly I would not be able to trust, live and respect a man who left his family for another woman.

5. I recognized the “in love” feelings/infatuation towards OM for what it was. I knew it were “fantasy based” and could on no level compare to the real thing e.g. the love, attachment and commitment I have towards my H.

1. I've loved my H since the beginning.

2. I know my H is in there fighting to get out.

3. I know changes need to be made and I am willing to make them.

4. He makes me laugh, cry, yell, feel safe, hope, etc. and I love every feeling I have with him.

5. Because to me, he is the most handsome man I have ever seen.

1. I loved my W and we're a great couple w/ a long history.
2. I didn't want to hurt my two kids by getting a D.
3. I'd regret not trying to recover the M if I dumped her right away.
4. My vows before God and family.
5. I'm stubborn but hopefully not stupid, time will tell.

Good thread btw.

No way

I just have three reasons:

1. Leaving = no more BS cake (You BSs have a lot more pull on the WS heart strings than you think you do! Play that tune.)

2. Leaving = R-E-A-L-I-T-Y (reality = you announce to the world that you are among the group of selfish liars that steal time, love and money from their closest loved ones! What is the draw to doing that?!)

3. Leaving = courage (If I had had the courage and desire to REALLY leave, why not have just left BEFORE the affair?) Let’s face it here folks a WS is anything BUT courageous!

1) God hates divorce!
2) I promised it was for better and for worse.
3) I said it was as long as we both shall live.
4) I knew how it could be; so I was willing to try to overcome how it was.
5) The lessons children learn from divorce...

FWIW, it won't happen again...

Mark

That was my thinking at ground zero.

Now, after two years, my priority has changed slightly.

1) I would sacrifice my life for my DDs.
2) For better or for worse. (guess which one I got)
3) I still love gemela on a level I can't understand.
4) She is generally fun to be around.
5) She makes great guacamole.

Oh, and she still sews a mean button.

I am a BS, these are my top five reasons:

1) I love my husband with all my heart.
2) My husband is my best friend.
3) We have been together 14 years- all great - excluding the 5-6 prior to and including his (2 month EA and 1 month SA)
4) I made a commentment to him (will not be a doormat though)
5) I realized I was partially at fault for the problems that allowed my husband to make the horrid choice he did.

I love him
I made vows to stay married to him (even during "sickness")
I've been given Grace
My children need him
I prayed every time I thought of giving him "the boot." and "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" kept rolling through my mind...

For me, the top five reasons for staying in my marriage is:

1. Fear of the unknown-life with out him. (married over 28 years and can't imagine life without him.

2. His first offense, he gave up the OW.

3. I love him- the affair woke me up and I realized I loved him.

4. We share a history and grown children.

5. I want to grow old with him.