WH has officially and completely moved out. The house closed Friday and he got his money yesterday. He's living in his new apartment with OW and her daughter. In the 6 1/2 weeks since this first started, he has become steadily nastier to me, to the point which I'm not even sure it's worth persuing Plan A/B. He's a very ugly monster right now. My Plan A attempts were pretty pathetic, though I did expose the A (had lots of help from OWH on this). I really sucked at being nice and improving myself - I'm sort of doing that now but it's probably too late. I'm not quite ready to move into a full blown Plan B though I think I could use a break from WH since he seems incapable of even being cordial. There are a few loose ends to tie up but after that, Plan B will probably start by itself since there will be no need or opportunity for contact. WH is coming over tonight to get his last check for the bills that came out of his account. I am holding it until he fixes the wheelbarrow he said he would do. After this, he won't have any reason to come to the house. I'll see him at baseball until the end of the summer and never again after that unless I arrange something.

So I'm still riding that roller coaster. On the one hand, I miss him terribly and want to see him. On the other hand, he's such a jerk right now I know our meeting will be ugly. He says stuff now just to hurt me. He knows I'm in contact with OWH. OW has also gotten very nasty with OWH lately. I think they think we plot and scheme against them and they imagine the worst of us (because they have already dealt us the worst). They treat us as though this whole thing was somehow our fault. I don't have a very thick skin and I always end up in tears.

So is there an intermediate stage between Plan A&B? Something that works when your Plan A wasn't too great? Something a weak, emotional wreck like myself can pull off? I'm thinking of simply not calling for a while with the exception of necessities (straightening out bills, arranging my son's move etc.). Other than baseball (where I've managed to avoid him pretty well), I don't actually need to see him. Originally when this happened, he said he wanted to be friends. But I don't think he can be friends right now. How long before the ugliness wears off?

You are still in Plan A.

Keep making changes in yourself. WH will hear or see them firsthand.

Believer says because they are living together, this will help break their little fantasy quicker. Don't give up.

Oh their fantasy has already taken a few hits. Starting with the fact they both were in such a hurry to leave their M's that they settled for next to nothing in their separation agreements. Turns out OW is quite the princess and needs very fancy furniture - they spent over $11,000 not even counting any living room suite (I saw his Master Card bill). He is also overdrawn on his bank account and between the 2 of them, they didn't get enough from me or OWH to pay for it all, and WH is traditionally a cheapskate so this should bring him down to earth soon (could be partly why he's so bitter with me).

The other thing was that OW gave WH a gold chain a few weeks ago. I discovered that the chain actually belonged to OWH. I informed WH of this last week and it was obvious that came as a shock. I believe this is the first lie he has caught her in. When he came Sunday for the last of his stuff, he wasn't wearing it.

The last thing is that OW and OWH's 7yo daughter is starting to act out. She is asking to spend more time with her dad. Also, since OW's family has all but cut her off due to her actions, they invited OWH and the daughter over for a BBQ last weekend. It was OW's weekend with the daughter, but the daughter really wanted to go (there is a pool there). So that is generating tension as well.

So that end of it is taking care of itself. But my end of Plan A has not been going great. Can I continue Plan A yet still avoid him to a certain degree?

There is nothing between Plan A and Plan B. Maybe you just need to take a break away from him, and work on making yourself feel better. Affairs never last, and this one won't either. But he is doing a lot of damage to any future relationship by acting so nasty.

Are you doing things to raise your self esteem and make a good life?

Well, it depends on your goal. Do you want your H back eventually or are you done?

I guess I don't know the answer to that. At first I definitely did. His nastiness has really put me off. I know he is a decent person at heard, but I never knew he could be such a monster as well. I am managing on my own - better than I thought in fact. I'm still very lonely and I have moments when I miss him so much, but I also have moments of great pride in the fact that I can do this alone - like when I started the lawnmore myself.

Okay, put it this way.

If there had been no affair in your marriage, would you want to be with him?

This is how ALL WS' are, though. This is how a person in the throes of an affair is EXPECTED to act. He is under the influence of an affair. When the affair is ended, they come back to their senses.

I just get the sense that you have given up, and if that is the case, then I won't bother with my ideas.

Absolutely!!!! Up until April 27, I was very satisfied with my marriage and very in love with my WH. I guess I am not in love with the person he is right now, which hopefully is just a side-effect of the whole A situation. But it's hard to tell because that's the only side of him I see any more.

Well, I guess I have my answer....