Greetings,

I have recently started posting on these forums. Long story short, I am currently trying to work on my marriage with my wife who is mentally ill with bipolar disorder. This is my last attempt at trying to work things out with her as I have suffered through an affair and all of the bad side effects bipolar disorder brings to a marriage. We have two children.

I was told by a friend that I should document everything. Can anyone tell me what that means exactly, how that is done, and what to document? If we divorce I would like to have full custody of the children. I want to do this not because I want to punish my wife but I feel that I could provide a better home environment…..at least until she gets better (if she gets better). My desire to have full custody of the children has nothing to do with child support payments because as a father I will always support my children. I do not believe my wife is a fit parent due to this mental illness. I'm not necessarily saying she's a bad parent but this illness renders her incapable, for example, to wake up when she needs to wake up to care for the children. My kids pretty much are ignored and unsupervised throughout most of the morning while my wife sleeps. This is unacceptable. I suppose from a point of view that is bad parenting. There is a medical history that proves she is bipolar and there is documentation of the medications she has been on and the effects they have had on her. Would this kind of documentation hold up in court?

Also, since we own a home how does that play itself out? We live in state where there is equitable distribution of assets in a divorce (I'm not sure if all states are this way). If we divorce, what becomes of the house? I think if there is an equitable distribution of assets that means the house has to be sold and the profits split. Well, what happens if the house doesn't sell because the market is bad? Who gets to live in the house? Is there a situation where the house doesn't have to be sold?

In regards to equitable distribution of assets if the house sold instead of splitting the profits of the sale could I give the most of the profits and agree to not pay alimony of any kind? Does that ever work out? We've only been married six years so I do not think she could get permanent alimony. I don't hate my wife. I love my wife and want to put her in the best position to succeed if we do divorce. I don't care about stuff because I'm still relatively young and could recoup any losses in a divorce in just a few short years due to the fact that I have a good career.

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

[color:"red"] I'm glad you seem to want to work on your marriage and aren't bashing your wife. [/color] There have been some negative posters on these boards in the last six months which was unfortunate.

Rockpyle said:

This could be as detailed as you want to be - day by day what your W did (or didn't do) and what you did as a father, husband, and provider. For example, if your wife didn't come home until 2am, or didn't pick up your child from school, or had a secretive type of phone call, write it down. This will help bolster any case you might have showing her as an unfit (or noncustodial) parent. If you note the day, time, and circumstances (and how it affected you or the kids) that is best. Medical history is good, but noting the effects would be better.

This depends on your state, your lawyer, and your wife's wishes, among other things. Each state has different laws. Check out Divorce Source , Divorce Info , andDivorce Netfor the laws where you live. Doing this does not mean you are pro-divorce, it means you're being proactive in preparing yourself, your kids, and your assets if this were to occur. Each couple can work out different strategies to the divide the house, assets, retirement, etc. to whatever they can agree on. I imagine this might depend a lot on your wife's mental and emotional state.

[color:"red"] Please keep in mind that each person's situation is different.
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Again, there are different factors for alimony for each state. Just because you've only been married six years doesn't mean you won't have to pay. You should definitely plan on child support (again, the laws of states differ).

Bottom line - [color:"red"] Do some research and see where you're heading, financially. [/color] Have you spoken to a lawyer yet?

Hi Rockpyle,

I would just second Avondale's post that educating yourself does not mean that you are planning/advocating divorce. Not knowing your state of residence, I still see trouble. Assuming everything you say is true and would hold up in Court, the reasonable result would be something along the line of 50-50 distribution of assets, you have primary custody, you pay no (or limited duration) alimony, and the sale of the house is put off by a few years (after which you would pay your now ex-wife in cash what she would have received if the house had been sold and the family assets divided. If you career is going as well as you say, you may be able to save the amount needed and keep the house.

reasonable - well there's a judge suing a dry cleaner for $55 million over a lost pair of pants.

The Court will always look to the best interests of the children, and I have seen way too many examples where the mother is given the benefit of the doubt and every advantage. I know a county near me where fathers rarely get shared custody of their children. Reasonable? Sounds insame to me.

So, there is a worst case scenario where she gets custody of the children, the house for a few years, permanent alimony and child support. Research is great and will help you understand issues better, but in the end aren't you really going blind into a minefield?

You don't need to spend a lot of money to see an attorney. There are ones out there who will provide a free consultation or will charge you their regular rate. One hour of an experienced attorney would help you a lot and I highly recommend it.

I took an attorney up on a free consultation. I learned a lot and understood better what was in store and at risk. When my wife decided it was time for separation a year later, I already had a great attorney lined up.

Enough of the negativity (on my account)... Best of luck, and I hope that everything turns out well for your family.

Giles

[color:"blue"] Rockpyle [/color] - We took some time to read your post, and gave feedback as you requested...just wondering how you're doing, since there was no acknowledgment or further posts.