Hi. I'm LousyGolfer.

And this is my story of the discovery of Marriage Builders.


Talking about office furniture, led me to think about the days leading to My Dday.

I moved into a new office for myself in Feb 05. Three rooms, View of the courthouse out front, really nice.

BS works about 300 yards away.

This Office had a back door. The A had been going on for 4 years. Sort of like a old shoe by now, should get rid of it. But its still comfortable.

(It's tough to write some of this now, but that's where I was then...)

One of my clients is an Interior Decorator. (Not the OW!) So I asked her for curtains on my front window, there wasn't any, and I thought I needed some.

My BS really did want to work with me on my new office. The old one was only one room, and there wasn't much room except for the desk and two client chairs.

She went with me to get new furniture for the other spaces, Desk, return, waiting room chairs, etc. And went to work adjusting the artwork on the walls. She really went all in. and over the next six months, she realy put a lot of effort in.

But I decided on curtains. Never consulted her, and one Saturday July 31st?, a couple days after they were installed, Flamingo showed up at my office.

She was talking to me about something, and then she looked over, noticed the curtains, and said "What's That!" She had what we call in our family, a "hissy fit"

LG>> "I was just trying to make my office look nice!"
F>> "Well, those are the ugliest curtains I ever saw, and you paid how much?
LG>> Well, about XXXX.xx!
F>> Now your even stupider, I could have done better for 1/3 of that!!!
LG>> Well, I just wanted to make the office look nice!
F>> Couldn't you have talked to me about it! What's wrong with you!

LG and F went back and forth for about an hour. 12 year old son got to witness it and he even ended up crying...

But that had started the clock....


Remember, it was Saturday. And I was in my office. BS came by. It was about 5 pm.

I was feeling pretty good....

OW was out of town for the weekend. Went somewhere with her H. So, out of touch. This would prove to be a blessing, later...

F leaves with son, and says that I should find somewhere else to spend the night.

Is this a red Flag for an adulteror or what?

But, OW is away....

So, I try to get some more work done.... Not much anyway.

Some of the other things said before she left:

We DON'T even have curtains in our own HOUSE and we have been there for 8 years! Didn't you ever notice?
I know how to sew, and with a little help from another of your CLIENTS we could have done better curtains for even one sixth of what you paid!
You had black plastic Garbage Bags and Aluminum Foil on your windows when I met you! Suddenly your frickin' Marvin Stewart!

Flamingo finally goes in the other room where there are two other smaller windows with valances, a "print" and the recovered chairs that she had bought earlier....
She was really disappointed over the print, which was marginal at best, but went well with the other things in the room...However,

The chairs? She really loved the fabric on the chairs that she had picked out for the other room. And they really went well with what was already there, But the Decorator? Thought they needed to be recovered, so, I said go for it....

I'm surprised that she didn't bean me with the chair...

Knowing what I know now, I realize that I had stabbed her in SO MANY ways....

So, LG finally went to sleep that night on his office floor. He was playing golf in the morning with his regular golf group (typical....) Shot about 103, my head wasn't really in the game... DUH.

That was the first night we hadn't slept together since well before we were married, except for an occasional business trip for one of us, or if she went to her parents for an overnight.

OW and I? Never had the opportunity to spend the night. I could have. Just never really put the effort into making it happen. About a year into it, just never really pushed that angle....

Sunday Night.

After golf. I arrive home about 6 pm. Spouse VERY frosty. "What are you doing HERE?"

Back to the office I go, "I ain't sleeping in my GUEST room, in MY house...."


Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock,

Monday.

LG goes back to the house, showers, shaves and gets dressed for work.

BS is still frosty. Stays out of sight. (not really, always seemed to be on the next floor, or other room...)

I drive back to office.

OW calls

Very excited that I slept on my office floor....Why the change? Curtains.... (Apt terminolgy...)

She finally feels that she has a chance..... But she can't come by, issues at home, whatever..

Around 2pm, Flamingo calls. Tells me that we have got to find a way out of this. Suggests Marriage counseling.... I said I would look into it... (where's that script...?) Call was short...

That evening, LG, still in office, start surfing looking for MC in the local area. Looked on a number of sites, found some interesting, made a note or two. Half-assed attempt by me.... See, I'm really trying, here! (that script, again!)

Try to get some work done, not much doing there, even try to get some reception on the TV. Yes, were are that far away, and no, I still don't pay for cable or SAT.

Awake Tuesday at 6:00 am with OW on phone... MORNING!

Get to house for shower about 7:30.... Flamingo is still in hiding...

Try to get work done... massively distracted, can't concentrate....

Flamingo calls again. Says she has been looking at websites, I tell her about my efforts, she's not impressed. She says she found this MB site first, but went to a number of others.... Aways came back to it. She liked the MB philosphy. Not too preachy, solid advice (She avoided the discussion boards! smart gal! )

We talk. Really, for the first time since Saturday. About thirty minutes...

I surf over to the site. I'm there for about six hours. I was reading about infedility and how common A's are, and how the dynamics of a M are such that A's happen.... I still remember reading the Opening Chapter of HNHN on the first page of the website and being blown away... Flamingo is reading about HNHN and how that seems to make alot more sense to her how we got there.

During this time, I continue to pick up son and deliver him to school in the morning and he gets off the bus at my office each evening. He Doesn't say much, at least not to me. I try to be cool Dad.... We are having issues, Mom's having a "hissy fit, she's done it before, this will blow over, like it has in the past....

Wednesday morning...


Less than 24 hours...

Agonizing?

I was destroying Flamingo. I was somewhat still ok.

Look, all I did was buy curtains! What's up with her? She will settle down and merrily we would go into the future.

WRONG.

In hindsight now, I can see that DS was severly affected. AND he truly appreciates what his parents have now.... He enjoys the stage, but he is really somewhat of an introvert. HE knows, for sure, that we have his back now.

Wednesday.

I had a morning meeting, starting at 7:30, I blow it off. OW shows up. LG>>> can only go to half-mast if you know what I mean.

LG has learned a lot. LG is no longer the old LG. He's the newbie. I spend most of the day surfing MB... Even printing out much of Dr Harley's info on Affairs, the lifecycle, etc. So I can read it at home, study it.

DS gets off bus at 3:45, and W shows up to take him home. I go too. Time to talk.

Sit on couch with Flamingo for several hours and talk about the Harley MB concepts. Finally learn how to TALK with each other. MB gave us a language. An ability to frame things that we needed to say, in a manner that made sense to both of us. I finally started to understand Her Needs. And she started to understand mine.

It's getting late. Flamingo is wrung out. So am I. She looks at me, and says, "I don't care where you sleep tonight"

I've been sleeping at the office. I'm not sleeping in the guest room, nor the couch. And even after all the talk we have had, I still can't believe that she doesn't care where I sleep.

So, I pack up and head to the office.

It was the best thing she could have ever told me.

Anything else? The butterfly wings would have created a hurricane elsewhere. But those words, "I don't care where you sleep tonight" started what happened next.

Thursday.

I'm sleeping in the office.

The phone rings. I wake up, go to answer it. No one there.

It's 3:30 am.

I sit down. The phone rings again.

It's Flamingo.

Yes?

F> I've decided that no matter what, I need you here. I've been up all night and the only thing I can come up with, is that I need you here.

LG> Ok, I'm coming straight home.

We talk on the cell phone while I'm driving home.

It takes about ten minutes.

I go upstairs to the bedroom. She hugs me. We talk some more, and she falls asleep in my arms...

If I had stayed in the house, she might have walked down the hall.
If I had stayed in the house, she might not have ever walked down the hall.

Later, she said that she really meant that I can sleep anywhere in the house. She really wanted me there. But she just didn't phrase it right.

I doze, waking at 6:30 to get ready for my weekly meeting at 7:30.

Flamingo and I kiss, and hug, ILY's, and she continues to doze.

In the car, the cell phone, (Which never comes in the house, or is out of my sight) is buzzing in the car....

OW, has called three times. She was outside the office and wondering where I was.

LG> At the house.
OW> "at the house?" What do you mean by that?
LG> She called me last night and asked me to come home.
OW> She called you?
LG> Yes, and I went home.
OW> But LG, you were OUT OF THE HOUSE!, WHY did you do that!
LG> Because she called me, and asked me to come home.
LG> And it's where I'm going to stay. It's over.
OW> What?
LG> It's over. This time, for real. I will always choose Flamingo over you.
OW> (Who is on way to her office, and going to be late, and I'm about to go into my meeting...Can we meet later? at the park?
LG> 9:30?
OW> OK, I'll meet you then.

I go into my meeting.

10 minutes later, my cell phone vibrates. It's Flamingo. I don't answer it.
5 minutes later, other call. I realize something's up. I walk out of the meeting, talking to Flamingo.

F> LG, I just got a call and a woman said "I don't deserve him!" and hung up.
LG> What?
F> she repeated it, and then said: What's going on?
LG> Don't worry, I'll take care of it. (Mr Fixer....)

I then listened to the message that Flamingo had left.

That was the most amazing and powerful ILU that Flamingo ever said to me. I saved that message as long as I could, and then one day, without notice, Verizon deleted it. I saved it over a year. [email]Da@n[/email] Verizon.

THE cat was out of the bag.

Flamingo suspected, and thought it was someone else, for about a year.

She calls me at the office. Let meet for lunch. We need to go over some things. Ok.

She calls me back.

I'm committed now. I understand a little bit about MB. And I also know I have been lying for a very long time. I personally vow to myself, I will answer any question, with complete honesty.

F> LG, how long has this been going on?
LG> 5 years.
F> 5 YEARS!, OMG! Any Children?
LG> No Children.
F> OMG!, LG, how could you?
LG> silence.
F> OMG, She hangs up.

Just after that, OW calls me, she's on her way. She was at the park, and I wasn't there, what's going on?

LG> It's over. No more Lies.
OW> How could you!
LG> I think you know why now, for sure.
OW> BUT YOU WERE OUT OF THE HOUSE!
LG> Yes, BUT SHE CALLED ME, and ASKED ME to COME HOME.
OW> hangs up.

F> Calls back. I need more than Lunch. I just told my supervisor what I just found out. And he told me to take all the time I needed. "Can you drive me home?"
LG> Yes, I'm on my way....

I avoided OW that day. She called my cellphone incessantly. But she did not come to the house.

Flamingo and I sat on the couch. We talked. She asked me all the real big questions first....

WHO?
Any others?
STD's
Can I afford this House without you?
Was DS ever exposed to OW? No, not directly, and you were there.
Overnights?


Then we started to get into the details

She raged sometimes, but was amazingly calm. Thank you MB.

I just spoke. Times, places, what happened, She would ask questions and I would answer.

The big picture came out. She got more details later. I was debriefed over the next three weeks. Literally.

We had to go get DS from school. We had talked for 5 hours at that point. When we returned to the house, DS went out to play and we heading to the privacy of the bed room...

That's when I started rubbing her feet, with lotion. Something she really enjoys. I broke down and cried. THAT was the real turning point.

She knew going forward, that I had changed. I had turned a corner. She knew I was different, but she just didn't know it for sure until then.

She was different as well. MB had provided just enough protection.

I had also ordered HNHN at that point, and she knew it. I had also knew about the MB weekend in Philly in Oct 05. We signed up for it five/six days later.

Friday? The OW shows up at my office. She walks in, and sits down. "You need to talk to me."

LG> Stay on that side of the desk.
OW> Why?
LG> Because it's where you belong.

The phone rings, it's Flamingo.

F> Hi! what's up?
LG> OW is here right now, she just walked in.
F> I'll be right there.
LG> Please hurry!

LG> to OW: You can go now, she will be here in 5 minutes.
OW> No, I'll stay.

Flamingo shows up.

Why she didn't ******-slap OW I will never know. But she smiled brightly and sat down.

15 minutes later, OW stood up, and walked out of the office.

That was the last time I talked to her. Flamingo talked to her two more times. Once thru the door, when Flamingo locked it and F told her that she wasn't wanted here. And the next time, about 10 days later, after we had caller ID installed, she called, and F picked up.

That was a close to a B-slap as you could get.

And that was it.

Did Flamingo ride the roller-coaster? You bet. The hills are lower now, and there are some unexpected turns, but otherwise, she's in good shape.

Fast forward...

What happened when you finally exposed to OWH?

Pio:

You were here, and you already know.

Please check the following links:

Concerning Integrity of FWS

and even this:

MrsWondering Tries to Help out

If you need any refreshing.

I have had further discussion with Flamingo.

Since this little February dustup.

She is comfortable with her decision.

Will that make some happy around here?

Thier choice.

I leave it at that.

LG

was all that so recent??? It seemed like a year ago that I asked CN to dance.
Thanks for sharing your story LG.

LG- Thank you for sharing your story...I really appreciate it!

By the way, do I have a package? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok LG first I have to say thank you for sharing. I am sure it wasn't easy for you to do. However I have to say dude you can not just let this end here. I would love to know how this started how did you met the OW. Who was she a FOTF? How long did you know her before you realize you were attracted to her? What was the thing that finally made it ok in your mind to begin the A? Did she have kids? I know she was M'ed how long were you and your W and the FOW M'ed to you betrayed spouses before they strayed? Also I heard here before that when you have a LTA like that, that one or both of the partner have more than one OP do you know if she had any were you tempted to? I am sorry for all of the question but inquiring minds want to know. Thank you LG. BTW answer the question you feel comfortable asking.BFN

LG,

I, too want to thank you for sharing. If I recall, some of the arguing (late Jan. early Feb.) stemmed from my TJ of SadandPissed's thread, my subsequent 4X6 clubbing for my misperception of delayed exposure to OPS, and your defense of my position, eventually backed by Dr. Harley that it was indeed optional. In fact, he told me the same thing on the radio show Jan. 31. And we did NOT choose to excuse, but we chose to expose.

That changed my life, saved our marriage and helped me rebuild my trust in my WH who began and is earning the "F" (Former) designation as a Wayward Husband.

Again, thank you LG. If you're willing to share more, I'd be interested in hearing, too. If not, I understand.

Ace

You're killing me Pio.

LG, thanks for sharing your voyage from outer space. It can't be easy rehashing the details and what it did to Flamingo ( I love that name BTW).

SL:

Hope your Feeling better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Outer Space? Boldy go where no man has gone before?

Boy, was that WRONG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


DIG:

I may or may not follow up with other info. In the great big scheme of things, the rest is rather ordinary.

However, from Saturday to Thursday of that week? In our lives, something extraordinary happened. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


ACE:

What's Happening! Good to hear from you! Glad I helped you out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


RIN:

Aren't the guys supposed to have the packages? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Where would you like it delivered? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Where's that "Killer Bee" Thread? I need to slip into something BROWN. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


MEDC:

I don't think CN invited you to dance..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />


LG

Thanks LG! Can't do any tangoing right now--the back is almost literally out of joint, but will be spending some much needed alone time with PWC tonight.

The recovery thing is very slow, small changes from how it was pre A are happening. It's like starting from the point that OUR M left off. I hope to continue this as we move forward.

I think I need to work on my sig line, insert the changes.

BTW, when I read "curtains for LG" I thought you were leaving us. Thanks for sticking around; we are always in need of our UPS man...

LMao...k, you got me on that one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I thought UPS flies more than 2,000 daily flights to over 200 countries and territories.

Wouldn't this include any thread? Kind of like a treasure hunt! Cool!

LMAO

OH, while I'm here, have you every checked in on Time For Change? Just wondering, I think you might have some insight into her sitch...

RIN:

In all those flights, SOMEONE, and we know who...Needs to put something in the drop box before I can deliver it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Packages don't get checked by me until they are properly sealed and addressed....

Please sign here...

LG

LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO...

Thank you! I needed a smile and a laugh today!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

BUMP FOR Lindysue,

Lousygolfer's story might show you how difficult discovering "why" might be. It's better to focus on the "how and now" of your H's affair.

Hope this helps a bit.

Ace

LG,

You are a very good storyteller.

I often wonder what other FWS's stories are...

However I am feeling way outta da loop with all these inside jokes and banter back and forth!

Hmmph!

Let the rest of us in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />