Hello all, this is about a friend couple. I dont know how to help them or even if I should help at all.
Last summer the couple go on holidays to their home country with their DD6.
We are neighbors and girls play together all the time, W tells me before she leaves that she will probably start working after holidays, plans with my girls a B-party, since her daughter was having her birthday there.
The couple seams nice, happy and very dedicated to the child, both parents.
The husbands usually stays with them there for two weeks and has to return for work, W and DD stay longer, until beggining of school.
September comes and she mails me telling me "things"between them are not ok, she's staying with DD on her country with her mother.
I meet H and he's very disturbed, and tells me, I dont know when will they come back, I don't know, W says I had an A and says she might not come back.
When I heard this from him, 9 months after my d-day, I though he was a WH so I avoided him since.
I mailed W, offering to listen and giving my support to her, she never replied.
Las week I meet H, as always my girls ask him about his W and DD... and for some reason he starts talking to me. We talked for 3 hours, he did most of the talking.
So to sum it up.
1. He is no WH, and never had an A. (this is true and confirmed)
2. When W and DD stayed in home country on extended holidays, W started spending more then they had, and demanding him, more and more money.
3. Started treating him, via mail, phone really bad.
4. When he said he could not afford all the excessive spending, she started getting mad at him.
6. She came up with the A story, and a lot of other things to make H the bad guy.
7. MIL, never liked H, and she is behind all this. Since working here, H made a LOT of money, MIL influenced her daughter, the W, to stay in home country and H would send money.
8. MIL had 5 failed marriages, comes from a rich family who lost everything a long time ago, still she lives on the pretending to be rich but lacks money.
They are married for 15 years. Both in late 30's.
This started last August.
They are about to divorce, this summer.
From all of it, what I got was:
a H who been suffering all the same simptoms as any BS, who managed to survive, with help of mother who came here to give support. and a few friends (2) a LOT of sports and GOD, he finally, recently, realized, he did nothing wrong. He was a good working H, totally dedicated to his family, he was very well known in his company as the example of the good father, from work to home.
He's sad it's ending this way, he feels like he lost everything, his W, his M, his DD for no reason. He's sad W is doing this to herself, he believes she will realize what she's doing too late and he feels for her and her suffering when that happens.
He's suffering from not seing his DD, really sad.
He sees no hope now, because he lost all the trust he had in his W. He has a great RESPONSABILITY job, he believes she's "crazy" this is not his W, but that's the path she has chosen, even considering the MIL manipulation, he says... even if W realizes what she is doing now... how can I know when is she's not going to do it again? How can I ever trust her?
The person I knew before all this, is not the one doing all this, she's not even letting DD talk to dad, and from what he says... she's acting like a perfect WW on an active A, totally fogged.
H still cries about his loss, he still spends all his time doing sports as it's really hard for him to be home, besides sports he does lots of crafts, cards, to send to DD.
I told him, there could only be one chance IMHO, if she would be rependant and cut contact with her M till she could establish some bondaries.
What do you think?
Should I talk to them about MB? To the H? To the W???
Please, should I interfere at all? pointing them MB, or telling H there's a chance to rebuild M? After all that he's been thru... should I be the one pointing him a hard working and painful direction to recovery?
There is no INFIDELITY in this story, but as I see it, there's a WW and a BH, and little girl that was so happy and inoccent before all this , who loved her father so much and now is not even talking to him.
Thank you all in advance.
