exposed ww+om to their boss today .he was disgusted contacted his lawyers to get om dismissed.but couldnt so he relieved him of his directorship.

he also told me to contact om previous girlfriend as he had fleesed her for £150,ooo and was concernd for ww+my finances .

contacted om previous girlfriend only to find she and him were still a couple . we were both gobsmacked ! immediatly gave her ww mobile no ..both boss + om girfriend called ww today (on her birthday ) needless to say i got the full works ..torn up photos smashed glasses ...this is it now were finished for ever ,,,yove really done it now bla bla bla ... quite scary ..

om girlfriend has finished with him ,ww refuses to believe girlfriend is current ,that they finished 3 months ago .

have i driven them into each others arms ....im getting quite scared now

Actually, this went very well compared to most exposures, IMHO!!!

WW and OM are suffering the consequences of their wayward actions. You've also managed to expose OM's lies to WW...she doesn't believe them YET, but she will.

I give you very high odds that this explosion does not signal the death of your marriage...it signalled the beginning of the end of the affair.

Plan A your butt off right now. NO LB's, DJ's, etc... Meet what needs you can, walk away when she tries to fight with you, don't let her drag you into a fight. Tell her that you understand she's upset and hurt, but you've done what you've done for great reasons, it was the right thing to do and you stand by your actions. Let her know you still love and want her, and that right now, you're waiting for her to calm down and start figuring things out.

GREAT JOB...seriously, don't let this get you down!

will just add om is on holiday with his mum (he is 48)? and returns to +will have no where to live .my and her family in no wsy support the affair and will make it very difficult for them .om girlfriend says he has done this before and will do again ,she says hes very clever and is a serial adulterer.we have achild as well three years old .she says he will try to stay even if the child is there.

help im going nuts here!!!!!

Exposure is always a heated event. They were already in each others arms... pre-exposure.

THEY are responsible for where they are... not you, my friend.

They made their choices. OM made his, your W made hers.

Stay calm. Practice that. Close your eyes -take deep slow breaths in and out. As she rants and raves, all you need to say is that you want to save your marriage, and what they were doing was against your marriage. If you drink, Stop. If you have any other addictive habits, stop. You need to be able to maintain a calm cool composure regardless of glasses breaking, holes in walls, etc.

There are many experts here on this board. They have helped me maintain my sanity, and possibly helped me save my marriage (hopefully, we'll see!).

Again - calm, cool, composed. Keep your head. Stay patient. It will be much much worse before the other end of the tunnel. The more worked up you get, the more difficult it will make your journey, and plus it will ratchet up the emotional tensions between you and your W.

Need more information...is your WW living at home with you? How long has this been going on? When was d-day...etc...? Need the basic information so we know the whole story.

do i allow om girlfriend to keep txting ww or will this be counterproductive ..ww has asked me to stop her, ww has also txt back om girlfriend saying she is dillusional and needs to stop lying ..

d-day was six weeks ago .pretty sure they have only had minimal contact ..ww has now finshed her months notice at work .we live apart also six weeks ..pretty sure now he convinced her to move out to a rented flat so he could see her. d-day +move out was pure coincidence, she said she wanted space.the affair has been going on since feb of this year ..two weeks ago she said it had finished but she still had feelings for him .

she says she loves me but its not the same as it was .we have been married for a year living together for 6..this exposure is scary like a double edged sword ...going crazy here

You are doing an excellent job. I would stand back and let things work out. You might want to get some popcorn for the upcoming show.

There will be quite an uproar. Your mantra should be that you will do what it takes to save your marriage. Your wife will be furious, but that never lasts.

OM will most likely drop your wife like a hot potato.

The OM GF is not your problem. The consequences that this entails belongs to your WW and OM. Leave the GF to do what she needs to do in her sitch and you plan A when given the opportunity.

No, you just get out of the way and let exposure do it's trick. WW's always try to hurt you and tell you it's over now because you ruined their affair. The reason that you are having problems is because of the affair, not what you did, so once the exposure kills the affair, she'll start working things out with you. My WW told me the EXACT SAME THING after I exposed to her work (last November), and I'm happily married now. Refuse to be baited into an argument. Just tell her that you did what you needed to do to stand up for your marriage and your family, and walk away from any other argument. She want to make you the bad guy. Don't get baited into letting her. Lay low for a week or two. That's usually how long the anger lasts.

just had om boss on phone .he is in deep ****** at work when he returns ...full investigation fingers in till etc ww is also in trouble .ummm er the things people in lust do!!!!

ww rang me much calmer now ..she tore up my birthday card to her and wants me to buy exact same one with same message in it ......(the paths we walk are opposite ,eventually they will meet,you just cant see that now and thats ok )well romantic arent i ....i just hope that they dont last and rekindle....

The madder the WW is upon exposure, the better the exposure has made it's impact. Take heart. The anger fades much more quickly than affairs do. But most often exposure is the beginning of the end of the affair.

Job well done!

SD

Great job on the exposure!!!

Your wife is saying the same things they all do.

Here is what you can do to help your sitch:

Do's
1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over...I will make it
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond her comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way)
6. Expand your social relationships
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tomorrow)

DON'Ts

1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....let her judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends involved in recovery
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be her idea)
10. Tell her continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP

See how well exposure works? He will likely want nothing to do with your WW now considering he is a serial cheater. Serial cheaters use women until they have no more use for them. Considering he is in big trouble, he may have very well ended it with your WW, and that is why whe was furious at first and then is now much more apologetic (i.e. kissing *ss). She doesn't want to lose both of her love interests at once.

I also commend you on the exposure! WELL DONE!

I would like to add one thing to the excellent "to do" list from M2L.

11. You should be a safe haven for your WW. Be her rock and point of solace and comfort as she is tossed in this storm of emotions she finds herself in. Her fantasy world is crumbling around her and she feels she has destroyed her reality world too. I am sure she is scared to death with, in her mind, no where to turn. You must re-asure her that it is not the end of the world and everything will work out. Be there for her and let her lean on your stregnth of character and your calm determination to make things better.

And pay close attention to the DON'T column, making sure you DON'T do the things listed.

Sounds like the shat shall really hit the fan when the OM come back from the holiday with his mum.

I bet it's not his mum at all but another GF.

IMHO

kirk

Great job on exposure!! Pull up a chair, grab some popcorn and watch the fireworks!

well om comes back today ..ww obviousley still believes him ,sure they are planning a nite together tom ,to many different stories from ww .she is supposed to be out with her brothers girlfriend but i know she will cancel or leave early .mother in law has baby ..she will ring girlfriend constantly ,as soon as ww leaves she will ask to pick up baby as she dissaproves of affair .their will be a lot of lies etc this weekend ,

im goingaway with my daughter till sun nite ...have asked family for maximum disruption etc .im still realy scared she will get to spend another nite of passion with him ...realy hurts ,

her boss will be calling her to his office tom morn about om +hers fingers in till (my suggestion )pick the weak one and they will fold like a pack of cards... still scared any pointers

ny father also called today he is ex sas paratrooper.says he will protect my finances at all costs..flies back from greece and wont tell me where hes staying .

i have told him he is last resort ..seems ok with that would rather she figured this man for herself and he she ended it ,but it may take a bit of pressing ! is there anything im doing wrong or am i being to impatient ....

So confront her about it. Tell her that you will NOT accept her going out with OM. If she's 'going out with a friend', you're coming along. Be honest...tell her that you don't trust her and you don't believe her.

Rather than just blithely going along with this, make it UNCOMFORTABLE for her to be in the affair. Do you have any idea where she might go if she does go with OM? If so, show up there. Have your sister or someone sit with you daughter, and you keep the heat on her to end her affair.

LOL...just had a great idea. Tell your wife that your doctor called you and has a concern that you might have an STD, and cautioned you that the two of you refrain from sexual contact until he can finish running some tests. Wouldn't that put a damper on their evening?

OK...that last idea was a bad one, but it sure sounded like fun, didn't it?

is it not better that i stay away for a few days and let her realise the family will not allow this affair and not just me?