ok, i'd like some opinions. gekko and i were talking about this stuff earlier and i am sure he won't mind if i post here for input. or post here just to put down what i am feeling.

so, gekko and his adorable dd are flying here this monday to stay for a week. he and i have been exclusively dating since august last year and started talking in april of last year. we talked a lot and been through ups and downs in this last year but ultimately have decided that we are very happy together and that all of the dynamics we want in a long term R are there.

after much talking and thinking we decided that now would be a good time for our children to meet eachother and for them to meet us as we want to move ahead to the next level in our relationship. we have not met eachother's children yet but we have, over the past several months, talked them on the phone and exchanged gifts with them, etc. I have talked to his dd many times and she has seen pix of me and my kids and we got her b'day and xmas gifts, etc. same with mine, they talk to gekko quite a bit, saw pix, talk to his dd, etc... i wanted to do that, over the phone talking, etc, before they met (since we are LDR) so that when we did finally meet it would not in any way be like meeting a total stranger.

i can say my children, who are both soon to be 10, are VERY excited to meet gekko and his dd.

ok, so all the excitement aside... gekko and i have both talked about how we are "nervous" about this first get together of all the kids and us. they will be staying with us at my home. my dd and gekkos will share a room and camp out on the floor, etc...

we feel nervous about the following stuff: (on some of these, i just feel nervous about, some are just him, some are both, but i just lumped them all together)

1.i have pets, gekko does not. granted, my 2 dogs were basically abandoned by my ex (they were his dogs but ow didn't want them so guess who got stuck with them). they are big and they are nosey. i don't want them causing me stress during the week they are here. i don't want gekko's dd to be scared of them either. i would board them but it is big $$$ to do for a week. i am sure they will be ok but i would have felt it easier if they didn't have to be here for that week. (i want everything to go perfect ya know?)
2.i do not fear that the kids will get along, i truly think they will. but this is their first time meeting in person and we will all be staying together in the same house. an adjustment from what the "norm" has been for our kids.
3.this is the first man i am introducing to my kids (and if i did not believe this to be long term i would not be doing it and neither would gekko). even tho i believe my kids will be totally fine because they see their dad with someone else, living with someone else, it will still be something different for them as it will be for gekkos dd. she has seen her mom with someone else but not her dad yet.
4.i guess basically, i just want everything to go really well and not be stressful for anyone.

i think this time together is important and needs to happen since we are ready to go to that next level in our relationship. these things are definitely a little different when your relationship is an LDR.

my nervousness is coming more from my wanting everything to go really smoothly and for everyone to be happy together you know? i really have a lot of feelings for gekko and i want our families to blend well and be comfy and happy.

how would you or how have you made these types of transitions easier in your experiences? especially if you were in an LDR? we want to make some decisions, long term ones, after this week is done and we see how everyone is together so that hopefully this won't have to be an LDR for more than another year....

I am just curious what others thoughts on this are.

thanks!
mlhb

No ideas. I just wanted to say that I'm glad things are going well, and that you are brave to pursue a good relationship, as well as a LDR.
Have fun next week.
And Dogs can stay outside if necessary.

thanks newly.
i would not have set out to have an LDR, never even really heard of one until this happened! LOL

i remember when we first started talking, we were like "you know, we can't be more than friends because this will never work out. we can't afford to fly back and forth to see eachother, etc..." well, guess we are eating those words. we manage to find the money some where and we do it. and so far, i think it has worked out better actually. i think if we lived in the same area we would have moved wayyyy too quickly in our relationship and that would not have been the right thing to do. distance has forced us to take our time. it definitely would not be for everyone and honestly, we hope it doesn't have to be this way much longer. we figure on maybe another year and than trying to do something. if i did not have children i probably woulda been down there by now! LOL but, we must figure in our children and do things the right way.

as far as the dogs... well, they go outside long enough to do their business and then right back in. they might miss something you know. and if i don't let them in they scratch at my french doors and bark. forgive me all you dog lovers but these dogs are my exes and i wish he would have taken them! they are expensive and a pain in my behind. i have to board them when i do go see gekko so there is another expense. drives me nuts.

mlhb

Hey Snob!

Relax and enjoy the week! Accept that there are going to be problems/SNAFU's and just be yourself. If you are tense the kids will be too.

Let your natural bubbly, ditzy personality shine and all will be good. You and Gekko have done everything you could to make sure you were ready for this. The kids have already sensed this and want to see you both happy too. Besides, you still act just like a kid anyway so you should hit it right off with his kids.

I for one am really happy for both of you. Hearing a sucess story here on MB is a rarity and just makes me feel good to hear how well things are going for you guys. Have fun and a great week!

duk

omg duk, is it REALLY YOU???
you're the snob you never talk to US anymore! lol
i think we will be ok too we are just nervous. NERVOUS NERVOUS NERVOUS.....

where's our wedding invite huh? you know, your dd's??

mlhb

Yes it's really me!!! I am not a snob like others we know.I am just getting back to the way I used to be, always on the go and busy. I am doing pretty darn good these days! Golf, fishing, you name it. I am having a lot of fun.I think it all comes from swearing off relationships for a while. I just needed the time to learn to be alone and get confortable with myself. Since things are going so well I am just going to let things run this way for a good long while. If someone shows an interest I'm not going to shoo them away, but I'm not going looking anymore! Only served to cost me money and screw with my head.

The wedding is exactly one year from today, no invites yet blondie. From the sound of it I may get one to yours before this happens!

What is there to be nervous about? Nerves will only make the kids tense up because they will not understand why the two of you are wigged out. To them this is an adventure, make it a fun one.

thanks duk, we will try to make it a fun adventure. i will look at it that way.

you might get an invite some time in 2008... one never knows.....

mlhb

MLHB, my dog is also an indoor dog, but I do have a crate on my porch for those days he misbehaves. Do you have a crate you can placeo n your porch or your garage, just in case? If not, borrow one.
Or find one on Freecycle.org

newly,
i used to have one but i sold it. my lab will fine. he could care less about people. he sniffs em a few times and lays down. my shepard, i think he will be ok too. he is older it is just that he is big and will be intimidating to a little one. (gekkos dd is only 3 and a half) he would never hurt her, he will just want to love all over her. once they are here over night i think the novelty will wear off for the dogs and they will be their normal lazy butt selves.

mlhb

the key is to be aware when the newness wears off, and they want their regular lives back to normal. . . there may be incidents of grouchiness with the kids if they get tired of the others. . . and there are not enough activities which keep their interests.

in other words, once they get done playing together, then what? time to do group activities, or activities with just each family separate. doing everything together may not be nirvana. . .

BTDT, on a two week camping trip in a 34' RV with combined families

wiftty

sounds like a fun camping trip there wifty!

my kids will be in school for most of the week so it won't be 24/7 time together. while they are in school it will be just me, gekko,and his dd and i am glad for that so i can get to know her. then when my kids get home from school we have outdoor activities planned.

as i read responses and i think things through, i really think it is going to be fine...

thanks for all of the input so far!
mlhb

Wanted to wish you all a great time together Mlhb & gekko!

I am sure everything will go well, and you'll be planning your next time together.

Enjoy and I'll come back to get the after report!

K!

thank you karona! you are often in our thoughts girl!

mlhb

Mlhb,
What about putting the dogs for the first 1 or 2 days boarding just so that everything would be settled down and it could be exciting for the kids to go and get the dogs. You could then see if the dogs and Gekko’s dd get along and if not you could leave them there longer.
This is more for your stress, you have no control over the other people but you can influence them if you are stressed. Yeah easy for us to say do not stress but I am sure all will be good!
Van

Have fun and keep a good sense of humor.