No one has filed. In our state you can get an order that the OM have no contact for 6 months after the filing date. That's it.

Jethro, try to keep your cool, for the kids' sake.

Jethro,

Not much practical advice to offer right now, but I can tell you that in real life and in my case, when the danger to my children and their future (emotional, physical, mental) increased to the point I was not willing to chance it, I filed. I still did not want a divorce and up until the custody trial (where I was awarded full custody of an 18 mo. old son) would have still talked reconciliation with her. When it became obvious to me that the OM, her stupid affair and selfish alien personality were more important than the children I took action to insure my financial protection, and therefore my sons' and my son's future that did not included an OM to any large degree.

What you said about your wife and her motivations regarding custody could have been said about my ex WW too....more concerend about herself and effect and perception than the children. Of course you already knew that by way of her having an affair.

Jethro,

I'm not suggesting you throw in the towel. I'm suggesting you make WW believe you've thrown in the towel. It was only after I showed my WW that I was no longer interested in having her around that she started checking the shade of the grass on our side of the fence. She decided our lawn looked pretty good. But my indifference, I believe, really shook her up.

tell her the door is not locked
she is not your prisoner

she may "go" if she wishes

she may take

her clothes
her personal items

what is not going with her ...

kids
money
photos
furniture
home items
pets
credit cards

take a photo inventory of EVERYTHING in your home

document where the family money is

cancel joint credit cards

if she leaves

change the locks

tell the kids about OM
about adultery
about a man abandoning his baby ~~~> if/when she does take off (which I doubt)

do not fight with WW

just stay cool

tell her

"No, that (whatever) is family property, it stays here with the family. But you may leave if you like."

Great advice, Pep. I'm not sure what the protocol is for telling kids about OM. What do the Harleys suggest, based on the thousands of affairs they've seen. These children are pretty young. I agree they need to be told, but how is the way to go about it? Should they do it together, with a counselor present? I wish they had more time to decide for sure this is the right path. WS and OM seem to be moving really fast--I think things would work so much better in the long run if everything just went into "neutral" for a while.

bump. anyone have any advice for these guys?

Yes, I have advice or really a question. Has Jethro secured an attorney yet? If not, that should be the first thing on his list ... and I mean PRONTO!

His WW sounds like she is on a financial warpath. Jethro needs to legally protect his interests for himself and his children now.

Jethro,

You should read "Good Father's" story. Your situation is somewhat similar to his.

[b]Good Father's Story - CLICK HERE[/b]

Jo

If their Mommy leaves to be with OM ... they should be told the truth

"Mommy left because she wanted to date another man. Married people are not supposed to date outside marriage. Mommy is making a mistake. The OM Mommy is dating is also married to his wife. They have a little baby. OM is leaving his baby and his wife to be with your Mommy. That is wrong. The baby needs his Mommy and his Daddy together , so they can be a family.

We need Mommy here, to be a family. But I cannot force Mommy to stay here with us. She has to choose for herself.

Let's hold hands and pray that Mommy chooses to stop dating OM and comes home to us. let's pray that OM stops dating your Mommy and returns to his wife and baby.

Daddy is NOT going to date anyone else. Daddy will be here with you. I am not going anywhere.

Do you have questions?"

.... and I don't mean if she moves out

I do mean if she goes away for an overnight ~~~> the kids should be told

it is THEIR family that is being destroyed and they need to be told the truth of why Daddy is so sad and Mommy is absent

the cost of adultery and betrayal of their family members should be painful for the adulterors

exposure to loved ones is very motivating
it de-romanticizes adultery

Do you think it's better to have these discussions with a counselor, or alone? These are really sweet kids, and I'd hate to see them suffer, especially if the marriage can be salvaged. The natural next question will be "are you getting divorced?" and that will lead to untold amount of tears, I'd expect. This is so sad for everyone.

Hi R. Just a footnote. Good Father has full custody of his DD now and the divorce is in the waiting period, I think. XW is to pay CS.

His XW was one of the worst and entrapped Good Father in the most cruel way to be removed from his own home. NEVER underestimate the deviousness of WS. That should be posted as the number one rule for BS imho.

Yeap, FightingAloneAgain. Good Father was an employee of mine. He stays in touch, and he and daughter are doing well last I heard.


I completely agree, his wife was one the worst I've seen on this board and did some things I'm still shaking my head at.

Jo

Nice to "see you" R. I am glad to see the vets still hangin' in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I totally agree about GF's XW. She brought shame to her gender with every action imho. DJ? Maybe. But still that is what I thought.

I don't normally think this of people, but she was all the way evil. IMVHO GF and daughter are lucky to be rid of her, as she is.


Thats very kind of you to say, FAA. Thank you.

I've known Jethro's WW for many years, and this really isn't like her at all. I just wish that one day she'll wake up and see she needs to toss this loser OM to the curb. Any guy who will leave his wife and baby behind for someone he barely knows is not the kind of person she deserves in the long run. If she and Jethro were to decide the marriage cannot be salvaged, that should happen when both are using cool heads, and no boyfriends or girlfriends are waiting in the wings. Any guy who sees no problem destroying two families is not going to make a good stepfather in the long run.

So she isn't a serial cheater is what I'm hearing. That weighs in Jethro's favor. However, her current actions and behavior are still her choice. No one is forcing or coercing her to destroy her family. All of it is her choice to feed her addiction.

BTW, Good Father touted his wife was behaving completely out of character as well, and this woman [his WW] did some things that were completely unconscionable.

This is why Harley equates someone in the throes of an affair to an addiction and advises to treat it as such. People in it will do anything to get their fix. If a BS knows and believes this going in, they are forewarned and forearmed.

Jo

I'd really like to hear the other side of this story.

Strange that I ask this here but let me explain.

From the get go this thread struck me as odd. I've figured it out...I could literally feel his WW reading here. I just know it...don't ask me how. A darkness or something. Thus, assuming I am right, I'd prefer to engage her as Steve Harley would by asking for her side of the story, for what she thinks the best outcome for their children would be...things like that.

Mr. Wondering