I don't know where to begin.<P>There were many good times, and there were many bad times.<P>The bad times had to do with my not getting along with children too well, and my not wanting a child of my own.<P>The good times were all the moments we enjoyed holding, kissing, and loving each other. Walking hand in hand to the 7-Eleven to get a chocodile and a 32oz Coke. Going to the movies, watching t.v., riding our bikes, dining out, hanging out with friends, and much more.<P>The bad times included me not wanting a baby, the conflicts with my mother, the problems with money, her not being able to hold a steady job, my low income, and more.<P>I think the money problems is what prompted me to break the relationship and seek someone else. I forced myself to hate her.<P>So for months I told her myself and her that I didn't want her. I lied to her and myself. I forced myself to date, although I only thought of my girl. I cut my relation with this girl I had been seeing. I tried to make things snap back together with my ex-gf, but it might have been to late. She was in the arms of another man.<P>Now she's with another man. She litterally went from my bed to another man's bed. We still lived under the same roof, slept in the same bed, took care of our baby, but I guess I had lost her heart.<P>How can I get it back? She's only known this guy for 5 months. She tells me that she doesn't love me? I think she only displaced her love onto him because I told her that I didn't love her.<P>Now she knows that I love her. But, she says she doesn't love me. I know she's confused. I know she doesn't know whether to stay with the father of her child and go to couseling to make thing work, or to move away with some man she just met not too long ago.<P>Is there any hope for us? I truely love her, and I didn't know how to tell her. <P>

I think there is hope, but there is lots of work and lots of patience required.<P>I have a question for you. Are you the kind of person who does well with delayed gratification? I'm not talking about sex, but life in general?<P>If you are that kinda person, then there's hope.<P>Do a good plan A, and no lovebusters.<BR>

It's nice to hear that there is hope but it's hard to believe.<P>Okay, I might have missed reading something. What would be a good "Plan A"? I skimmed through the LoveBusters. I'll have to read it more throughly when I have a chance.<P>Now what do you mean about "delayed gratification"? If it has to do with patience....I'm not the most patient person but I must learn to be.<P>Although, most of my concerns are with her. Will she forgive me for how I've been? Will she want to try to work things out for us and for the baby? Will she stop dwelling on the bad and think about the good?<P>She already has two other kids from a broken marriage...I think that cycle should stop. It's time we make thing work the right way.<P>I hope things do work out for us. *sigh*<BR>

lostandbroken - Mrs. M4B is right. (OK, I'm ready for that new name now,lady!)<P>There is hope, but things won't just "work out." You have to try to help to make it happen. And you must learn patience. Patience that no human being should have to have. (Sorry, guys, it's been LOOONNNGGG week!)<P>This is a long hard ride. It hurts. It means a lot of soul-searching, a lot of giving, with a lot of rejection and no promise of returns - only possibilities.<P>Do you really love her? Are you willing to put in ALL the work for a while? Are you ready?<P>If so, there's an article here about Plan A and Plan B. And some great people here who have worked in Plan A for a long time. You have help and access to the tools you need. Read this site. Buy the books recommended by the folks here. Read and learn. And show your love like you never have before, but carefully, and using what you have learned.<BR>There are many of us here, some are works in progress, some successes, some still struggling. You'll have help every step of the way. <P>Gotta tell ya though. The biggest things you will learn will be about yourself. The most work you will do will be ON yourself. No matter what happens, you'll benefit from that. <P>Good luck to you. And we're here when you need us - to listen, to advise (you'll definitely get varied opinions and that's the BEST part!) and to let you cry or vent if you need to.<P>Lori