MelodyLane, okay fine I won't answer any more plan A posts, even if I think the person would be better off with plan D. But watch those overgeneralizations. There are some things I'm very clearheaded about.

When I read the above I have to say I certainly wouldn't call what you were doing with all those married men as sexy nor was it goddess-like. Quite the contrary.

If this is what you felt and how you still see yourself when you were boinking those MMs, then you have a seriously distorted self-image and in denial of what they REALLY thought of you.

All those married men used you like a prostitute, only difference is you did it for FREE.

Sorry for my profoundly truthful comments, I'm just trying to be honest about what I'm reading.

Jo

Aph, that is one of the most self deluded things I've ever read on here and I've read some pretty self deluded things over the years.

It's also frightening because it means your self esteem is very, very low and you would prefer to be used for sex instead of having intimate relationships.

You may think that "wives" aren't that sexy. I can assure you, from speaking to many, many wives here and in real life that modern women are indeed very sexy and are more than willing to please themselves and their men in every which way possible.

It was an awful admission for you to make. You may see it as something to be proud of but it's really very, very sad.

Those men must have seen your availability for no strings sex as something they'd imagined since they were teenagers. No strings sex also means no feelings, gratification of a bodily function, sex and the ability to look on you as an object. They would save their real feelings and their love for their wives.

Resilient is right. What they really thought of you doesn't bear thinking about.

With my OMs, the married ones in particular, I knew I was doing things for them that they'd never get from their wives and they looked at me like I was some sort of sex goddess

There's a woman who does things for me that my wife doesnt do for me at home - she's a chiropractor !

And while she may consider herself to be a "massage goddess" in our relationship, I actually go there to coldly get a physical need met.

Its not her sparkling personality, wit, beauty or fashion sense that draws me to her. Its her physical ability to make an ache go away by applying her flesh to my flesh.

I think you flatter yourself "goddess" - I BET your men were just the same. Just different flesh pressing.

I think I am going to spit up!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

It wasn't a "goddess" they saw, but a cheap, unpaid wh0re. You do realize men don't look well upon easy women? You might have been fun to rut with, but they wouldn't ever take you home to mama. They DO take home their wives, though.

Aph... you come across as a bimbo and a wh0re... perhaps that is your intention... perhaps not(I certainly hope it isn't). But one suggestion... how about not giving advice to anyone until such a time as you get your head out of your wayward posterior. You haven't even told your H about your being used like a blow up doll...and you want to give advice to others.

A sex goddess.... what a friggin joke.

To other MB posters...I am telling you... we have seen this woman (or man) here before under a different name (before her persona that started with two testicles being tossed into the ocean).

because it isn't. rutting like pigs and acting like a good little ho have nothing to do with a good sex life...in fact it is YOUR inability to have a good and healthy sex life that has caused these issues in your marrage. You are the one with the unhealthy needs to be used like a wh0re. So how can you communicate something you do not understand.

To use someone means to use deception to get something out of someone without giving anything back. I was getting back exactly what I wanted in the first place. I was not looking for love, I was looking for a friend with benefits. The only thing wrong with what I did was the fact that I was married and so were some of them.

Kiwi:
How can I be used for sex when it was sex that I was after in the first place? As far as I was concerned, my relationship needs other than sex were being met by my husband. I had no need to seek a boyfriend or a replacement husband. I just wanted a friend to have sex with. That's all.

MelodyLane
Depends which men you are talking about. Many men have some pretty hostile things to say about prudes and frigid women. If you think all men think the same way, you live a pretty sheltered life.


Why would I want them to take me home to mama? The last thing I would have wanted is for any of them to get so attached they'd want me to leave my husband. That would have been the last thing I wanted. I just wanted someone who'd be fun to "rut" with. Why is that so hard to understand?

mkeverydaycnt

BZZZZ! Wrong! I had a good and healthy sex life when I was dating my ex-boyfriend.

To All, since now two people have falsely accused me of being trolls I will reveal this. Larry178 knows who I am. He knows my real name, first and last. I have a presence on the Internet and so does my husband. It would not be difficult for him to google me, find my husband's name, google him and come up with one of his many email addresses whereby he could out me to my husband before I have the chance to tell him myself. Would I trust someone on these boards with THAT much information about myself if I were trolling?

so, coming across like a wh0re is intentional...okay, I get it...

and being someones f-toy does not equate to a good sex life.
weren't you the fool that was defending swinging?

I think because it is so animalistic and reflects such a shocking lack of respect for oneself. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful gift between 2 people who love each other, not reduced to nothing more than 2 pigs rutting in the pig pen. Good sex is a result of LOVE, without that, it is nothing more than getting off.


Actually not. I work with all men in a male dominated industry, so I know what they say about cheap, easy women. It is pretty ugly; lots of jokes about STDs and getting disinfected. They may disparage their wife to YOU, to get your panties off, but it is very rare that they disparage their own wives to others.

Have you been tested for STDs?

Aph, this Dr. Harley video is probably something you should see: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6806_inf.html

Aph - You are obviously still pretty foggy. You need to step back and take a look at the big picture. These "men" you got involved with like to use women. Things get a little boring at home so they find someone willing to have a roll in the hay. They'd throw you to the wolves in a heart beat if caught. They like to act as though they "care" when really they don't.

Sure, they might look at you like a sex goddess NOW, but don't base your self worth on that. Five years from now you could have put on some pounds, or maybe you start looking older, and you no longer get those "looks". Will your self esteem then plummet even further? You need to find ways to value yourself as a human being, don't let these men objectify you, which is exactly what they are doing.

As far as your H... well, reactions vary. He might want to know every detail, he might not want hardly any details. He might want a D, he might not. Expect to deal with his anger w/o placing blame on him. Own up to your A's and then if he's open, ask if he'd like to do MC with you. There will be a time, later, that you can get into what you see as problems in the M. When you confess is not a good time.

Also, the fact you had an A is not a free pass for him to treat you like dog sh*t the rest of your days.

I also think ML and MEDC can be pretty darn rude in the name of "shaking people up". I guess others have seen this approach work, I think it stinks. I was also foggy, just like you when I came to boards like this for help. Their approach would've done nothing but make me feel defensive and worse about myself. It is possible to de-fog w/o THAT kind of "help". Being called a wh0re and a troll, well, that doesn't strike me as helpful for some reason...

FCF, what is not "helpful" is avoiding using accurate words to describe behavior. Words do have meanings, after all, and we don't need to use nice words to describe bad behavior. That helps no one. Her behavior is what is "rude" and disgusting, not the words used to describe it.

And before you accuse anyone of being "rude" you might take a look at your own little posts, dear. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

This type of behavior right there is why the divorce rate is so high and why women who cheat almost always think they want to leave their husbands. If a woman admits her attraction to someone is purely sexual, she's afraid to be called a slut or ****** so instead she'd rather fool herself into thinking she's in love, so that people will call her divorcee instead. I'm mature enough to know the difference between lust and love, which is why I haven't made the IDIOTIC mistake of trying to run away with one of my OMs.

I really don't understand women who would leave their husbands for someone else. I really don't. They would rather risk tearing their whole family apart than risk some moron calling her a slut. We all know that these women were not in love. I'm telling you, you weren't even looking for love in the first place. You were in it for the sex and just don't want to admit it because only men are supposed to like sex. Well, guess what? Women do too.

gee, and all this time we thought it was the cheating that ruined the marriage! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

yegads, the fog is DEEP, Aph! In your world its ok to BE a wh0re, but not ok to call it what it is. That is very dysfunctional.

Aph, words do have meanings and wh0re would be the appropriate word for your behavior. We can call you a NUN, but unfortunately, it would not change reality. Reality is a very sticky thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Aphaeresis - You just don't get it, and that's sad.


"I was looking for a friend with benefits."

A totally selfish, self-centered, self-justifing, rationalization of totally TRASHING and making a MOCKERY of the sanctity of marriage. But then you never really understood that marriage was an EXCLUSIVE arrangement anyway.


"The only thing wrong with what I did was the fact that I was married and so were some of them."

The ONLY thing? Just some "small" mistake?

You willfully and thoughtfully CHOSE to end your marriage covenant. Furthermore, you willfully CHOSE to be an ACTIVE participant in potentially destroying other marriages where in innocent wives WERE being deceived by you and the OM you enticed into your bed for some selfish "benefits."


"To use someone means to use deception to get something out of someone without giving anything back."

Nonsense. That is ONE definition among many ways to "use someone" and to utilize "deception."

How many of these men did your husband know of in advance and give you his permission to have sex with them?
You deceived and used your husband.

How many of the wives of these OM knew about you and gave you permission to have sex with their husbands?
Used and deceived.

How convenient is it to rationalize Adultery on the basis of "just wanting some sex" regardless of what my wedding VOWS of "forsaking ALL others and keeping myself ONLY unto you?"
Used and deceived, for your own purposes but NOT for the ONE FLESH entity that is a husband and wife.

Mea Culpa. I FORGOT!!! The "little world" of Adultery can only see the two adulterers and no one else exists, at least until the "Bubble bursts" and the reality and magnitude of Adultery to OTHERS slowly begins to penetrate the thick skulls of those "lost in their lust for each other or their selfish motivation of it just being "for the SEX of it all.""

Jezebel at least was clear about what she was as she enticed men into her bed. YOU continue to lie to yourself and NOTHING anyone on MB says can help your sitution. The change has to come from within yourself, but your statements make it eminently clear that you have NO understanding of what marriage is all about.

Prediction: Your husband will divorce you and you can go on searching for "friends" to have sex with. There is NOTHING in your attitude that would give your husband ANY reason to want to go through the enormous pain of recovering from your "self-entitled LITTLE indiscretions."
"Oooops, I WANT you now, dear husband, and for the moment, ONLY you. But I reserve the right to go after anyone I want in the future if my "commitment" to you now is too constraining on anything I consider to be a "need" you can't fulfill. By the way, are you getting any better in the sex performance area?"

Yep, just chock full of reasons why he should forgive you, endure the pain, and try to rebuild a marriage with you.






You were used for sex by other people with equally deficient values who saw you as an "easy piece of a$$," "a little strange," but NO commitment to you other than LUST. That you were of a similar mindset is a GIVEN, but you are so foolish you can't even see when you ARE being used either.

"As far as I was concerned, my relationship needs other than sex were being met by my husband. "

Oh ya, "excuse me honey," you provide me with everything I need EXCEPT for SEX, so I'm going to withdraw my PLEDGE and VOW to you and sneak out and have all the SEX I LUST for with other men. Your wedding vows are nothing more than a convenience for you, to be discarded whenever you WANT something. You place your NEEDS, WANTS, and DESIRES as your "gods" and use then to JUSTIFY the most hurtful and heinous thing one spouse can do to another. And it wasn't enough to "just" do that. You went further and expanded your "targets" to include other MARRIED people and give their spouses the "gift of Adultery" in THEIR lives.


"I just wanted a friend to have sex with. That's all."

Get a divorce. Join a brothel. Get all the "sex" you want with NO commitments. That's all.





And you are an opportunist, waiting to entice someone into your web of rationalization and justification. In your mind, your actions are RIGHT, not wrong. That's a fundamental problem and a good reason why there ARE Other Women like you out there waiting to destroy marriages with no feeling, no conscience, and not responsibility for the "murder" they commit in the name of "getting what they want." And just in case that confused you, Adultery IS the MURDER of the marriage covenant and the one flesh union of Husband and Wife( yours AND those of your victims).

Somehow "Black Widow" seems to keep coming to mind.





It's not hard to understand, Aphaerisis. It IS a definition of "secular humanism, moral relativism, and a POSTER for "I am god!" and I get to do whatever I want to do and it's RIGHT!"

You want to be an "animal" with NO human morals who can screw anything available anytime you "feel in heat."

Bottom line: You are NOT "marriage material," and I think your husband is going to see this too. Repentance and remorse and change are NOT words in your vocabulary, let alone a part of who you are. You cite all of your husband's problems as an EXCUSE and a JUSTIFICATION that entitles you do whatever you want to do. He MAY well have things that need working of for himself, but you aren't going to get that chance, he will have NO motivation to change for you in ways that might make a few things better, because you are still focuse on your right to use the "Marital Nuclear Bomb" anytime you decide it's "right for YOU."


Enough of this. You don't want any help. Why keep wasting your time and our time?


BTW, it's interesting to read that Larry178 knows who you are. It's also interesting that he has NOT posted on this thread.

Larry178, you out there? Care to weigh in on how well you know this woman and her husband?

Troll? Warts, club, and all.

Only a prude would say that.


BZZZ! WRONG! Sex is beautiful with or without romantic love. It is the active sharing of life's most intense experiences. At its best, it is also a nonverbal conversation. Sometimes the message is love, but othertimes the message is just I think you're sexy! If all I wanted was to get off, I have toys for that. Sex is a shared experience, and it can be just as satisfying with a friend as with a romantic partner or spouse.


Well I've had male friends all my life, and it's a lot more complicated than that. You see, when a woman calls a woman a slut, it's because of her sexual behavior. When a man calls a woman a slut, it's mostly because she's stupid. Intelligent, educated women are judged by an entirely different system.

Before I was married, I had guys tell me I'm glad it was with you and not ____. My reputation in high school and beyond was always that of a good girl no matter what I actually did. Boys would sometimes tell me - I would have asked you out earlier but I assumed you had a boyfriend.

My last OM, in spite of the fact that I NEVER used the L word with him, told said to me, "I will always love you because you made me feel like a whole man again." I had already been with him many times at that point. He had nothing to gain by telling me this. There was only one reason for him to say it: because he meant it, or at least the last half of it.

And then there is my husband. His sister used to set him up with her friends who were all fundamentalists so they planned to wait until marriage. He had nothing but contempt for them. Couldn't stand them. Had to tell his sister no more set-ups. He told me once that guys who have hang ups about their wives or gfs sexual pasts are idiots. It's much better to have someone who knows what they're doing.

Yes, I've been tested for STDs. All tests normal. Everything in life carries a risk.

familycomesfirst

No they don't. If I had told them I was looking to leave my husband or told them I wanted a romantic relationship they would have been honest with me and told me that's not what they were looking for. They were very upfront with what they wanted, and so was I. And several of them were my friends for years before we got involved sexually.


And that was different from what I was doing how?


LOL! One of my OMs did get caught. He decided to reform, go monogamous. He's been that way for two years. He still kept in touch with me even though the geographical distance would have made it impossible to get together even if we wanted to. I am the only OW he kept in contact with. His wife wanted to expose me to my husband but she decided against it because she knew from his emails to me vs. emails to other women that I was special and he would have been pissed if she had done anything to hurt me.


I already have plenty of pounds! It's not about looks, it's about accomodation.


"Objectify" is just a codeword that anti-sex neo-feminists use. These men were not getting anything from me that I wasn't also getting from them.


Good advice. Thanks.

MelodyLane,

I agree. A ****** is someone who has sex for money. She does not have sex to enjoy herself. She barters it in order to get something else. For example, a woman who sleeps with her boss to get a promotion is a ******. Another example, women who don't like sex but do it anyway in order to get love are ******.

I, on the other hand, enjoy sex. It is it's own reward. I don't do it reluctantly in order to gain compensation or favors. Therefore, I am certainly not a ****** no matter how many times you repeat the word. Buy a dictionary next time, prude <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Foreverhers,

Try to respond to what I actually write, deary and not some drivel you made up in your head.

I already said it was wrong for me to cheat on my husband. It was wrong for me to have sex with other women's husbands. That's where I was wrong.

But this thread has gotten into a whole other area of sex without love. Let's talk about my life when I was single and not cheating on anyone. Back then I did occasionally have friends with benefits. What I'm saying is, in THAT situation where no one is being cheated on and everyone is honest about what they want, that is the situation where nothing is wrong. That is the only thing I'm defending. I am NOT defending infidelity.

And by the way, Secular Humanism does NOT advocate infidelity or moral relativism. When I cheated I acted against the moral code of Secular Humanism and I knew it was wrong at the time and did it anyway. Just like there are Christians here who knew it was wrong and did it anyway. How DARE you bash Secular Humanists, you bigot! Do you see me here bashing Christians? Do you? No, because I'm not a bigot. If you want to learn about what SecHum really is I'd be happy to discuss it, but don't go bashing something you don't understand. For the record, if there is anyone here who has a problem with me being a Secular Humanist you can go f- yourself up the butt with a cactus.