Hi,

Here's my story.

I will be married for nine years in August. We have a son (5) together, and she has two children (19 and 17). I

have been a hard working self employed successful husband. WW has also worked hard and is successful. A few

years ago she was offered a job with a substantial increase in pay in a competing office and she accepted.

Things were great.

We didn't really do anything but get up, get kids out the door, go to work, come home cook, baths, and bed. We

would catch some alone time in the late evenings or early moring. We would all do some amusement park every

summer and visit her parents in the mountains for a week. Pretty plain, but seemed to meet the needs.

With-in the last year WW would tell me about the drama at her work. This woman and that guy are having an

affair. This guy is having an affair with the girl next door. Didn't raise any flags with me..dah.

With-in the last few months, WW is making friends with a single girl in the office. WW is staying after work to

have a cold one. No big deal, she works hard. Needs to get some friends. WW has no girl friends since I known

her. Think this is a good thing. Well the cold beer after work turns into a thursday night thing with the girls

in the office. Thrusday night starts to get really late and drunk.

Intimatcy starts to dwindel. WW starts to get moody. Starts to exercise and get new clothes. Turns into a

hottie. Lucky me. I thought.

One Thursday night I find the evidence of an A. I was not looking for it. First I'm pissed, then I'm in shock,

then I'm affriad of losing my M. What about my son? I search the internet for advise. Next day I talk to my

attorney and he says to confront her with the evidence. She confesses to having the A. She won't tell me who it

is. Says its no one from work and no one knows about it. Say's he's married and has kids, but there older. I

ask her to stop seeing him and she agrees. Says she is still going to go out on Thursday's. I'm not sure what

to do, so I give in. I negociate inspections and SF when she comes home after Thursday night out (TNO).

We talk and I ask why and she doesn't know why. Says shes not in love with me and is unhappy. I start

researching and find Women infidelity.com and read an article why woman cheat. Makes sense, kinda. Somebody on

the forum refers to MB to save your M. I find MB and order "His needs/her needs". We read some of the chapters

together, but she is not really working on this with me. Starting to piss me off. I start telling her I love

her over and over. I keep going into heavy recovery conversations. All this is not working very well.

Things are getting really cold. I'm over compensating for not helping around the house, and this is really

pissing her off. I start snooping and checking cell phone records. Discover WW and boss talk alot on WW cell

phone on TNO. I call her boss's cell phone and act like I got the wrong number, but let him know it's me. I

can't take it anymore so I call her to the house early on Friday and tell her I think she is still having the A

and ask her to pack a bag and leave because I don't deserve this crap and she does. She does. I tell her I

think it's her boss. She denies it.

Man this is really tough. How can I run this house and take care of everything. Back to the web. I find a

ebook called "Stop your divorce". I'm up all night reading. The Stop your divorce is kind of a Plan A.

The next morning she calls to talk to our son. BS. I ask her back and she comes home on Sunday. I keep trying

to work things out. I love her. I love our family.

We usally go to her parents for a week in the summer, but I can't get away because of work. I suggest she just

take our son and fly out and visit. She agrees. She is going to visit and leave me home for a few days.


Things are alitte better everyday. No cell phone calls with the boss. Blew that. Noticed WW car covered in

gravel road dust. Not thinking, I ask her if she's been on some gravel roads. She weridly denies it. BS I know

what it looks like. I gps her boss's address and it on gravel road. Time to get real. Ordered gps logger.

Figure I'll get things in place while she's gone.


I get a baby sitter and ask her out the night before her trip. Have a nice dinner and alitte SF. No great. I

tell her that I want her to know I prefer to stay married and try to work things out. If we can't find a way

back then I will work with her to end the M and not fight. She's crying. I keep it short and sweet.

Well she's on her trip. I got home from the airport at about 9:30am and started reading MB site. Realize I need

to keep plan A going on her. Need to get evidence to prove its her boss or who ever it is. I have cell records

with them talking cell to cell. She says the just friends. Maybe. gps logger should be here before she gets

back. Found a good place to put the logger. Dug out a digital recorder and installed in the car. Getting the

camera ready.

Have been working out for a month now. Niehgbor asked me to play softball on Mondays and Wednesdays nights. I

have played one game on Wednesday then we all went to the bar to celabrate. Ran into old flame and got a big ego

boost. She wants me to call her for a drink. Want to but found a good arguement for not calling on this site.



I'm all over the place and would like any advise.


Thanks.

Steve,

I would recommend two things. First get a copy of Surviving An Affair. It is really helpful when used with this site. I'm new here too, and I'm going through the same thing as you are. My WH had, or has, an A with someone out of state, so I had to work extra hard to find out who it was.

Anyway, you need to find out and expose it. Expose to his wife and their employer. She'll be really p----- off, but that happens

I did Plan A without really knowing what I was doing until I found this site about 2 months back. REading all of the posts will really help you determine what to do.

My WH also told me it was over, but after month 5 I had another dday. During Plan A, I had a few outbursts like you did, but overall did a pretty good job which is why at month 6 I'm going to Plan B. Also, I found that mine is running up a lot of debt to support the A.

Secondly, post on General Questions II. I posted first here as you did and found that there is not much traffic. Once I posted on GQII, I got lots of good advice from the pros over there. In fact, I'm following some very good advice received because there were things that I had not considered.

I'm not sure how to insert a link to my thread, but you can read it over there. It's called Help with Long Distance EA

Good luck....

I'm curious...what kind of proof of the A did you first stumble upon?

I know it must be tough...when it's the woman that strays in a R or a M, the damage is almost twice as hurtful. While I understand your pain, I hope your son is getting all the affection he needs...as bad as things get in your M, try not to forget him, as he will be greatly affected by this later on. He'll definitely thank you for it later.

Lots of luck to you.

Wow... I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. Please stick to this site. It will keep you sane when you feel like your world is imploding.

Absolutely do Plan A. But make sure it is the best plan A you can possibly do. Remember what it is that attracted her to you and be that guy again. Of course, only if it's realistic. Do not be needy or clingy. Seeing our pain doesn't always have the effect it should. They live in a FOG of lies and ego.

If you need to go to Plan B.... make sure you do so at a good time frame. Don't wait too long to implement this even though it is absolutely terrifying. At least, it was for me. Plan A is very difficult. It will be frustrating and eat at your self-esteem. Come here and let us feed your esteem often. You can vent to us. You can yell and scream here with us. Also, as hard as it is, take care of you. Eat well. Get sleep when you can. Keep working out. But, DO NOT, get into the trap of having your own affair. It will not turn out well and you will feel the erosion of your soul.

My prayers are with you.

Loni