My husband is a U.S. Marine deployed in Iraq for the 3rd time. While we have only been married for about 8 months, we've been together for well over 3 years. This isn't our first deployment together, but this one is significantly worse. He's been gone for about 2 months, and we have been fighting almost every single conversation we've had. This past week, he has told me that he no longer has any want, need or desire to be with me anymore and that he doesn't love me. We fight over stupid things like money, bills, myspace and etc. I have been doing everything I can, including seeing a marriage counselor by myself. I am trying so hard to repair and rebuild our marriage and trying to stay positive, but it's just so hard. We haven't talked in a couple days, and I am driving myself absolutely insane. I was told that he may have post traumatic stress disorder. He seems dillusional and irrational when it comes to situations. I just need some advice as to what to do. Everything that I can think of just doesn't seem to work. Please help! I have 5 more months to go!

You may want to explore the possibility of him experiencing PTSD and if that is an issue, hopefully the military can assist in some form of appropriate counselling for him. Depending on his deployment situation, it may be high stress, which may not allow him to focus on your relationship or even have positive conversations when you do connect.
Being away from your partner is definitely hard. Is there something that's different about this deployment than the previous ones?
Given that he has expressed what he has about your marriage, do you sense at all that he is willing to work on this?

B2B,

Welcome to MarriageBuilders...there is a lot of great info on this website...please read all the articles, get the books. They will benefit your marriage in ways you may not forsee.

Kudos on getting MC, even by yourself. That's as brave as posting here. Rather than focusing on your DH, how about on yourself?

I ask because if you choose not to argue, then there can be no argument. Ask your counselor about listen repeat...where you listen to what your DH says when he calls, repeat what you hear to confirm or clarify. You choose to do this to be clear, acknowledge and validate what is his truth separate from the truth.

Good to know that you realize you have power in driving yourself nutty or not. I really understand how devastating his thoughts and beliefs are right now...would cut to my heart, too...please understand there's an elemental truth in being human...what we say we feel, think, believe or perceive is only right now. Add "right now" to the end of his sentences in your mind. See if your emotional reactivity drops a bit or even a lot.

Deployment is really tough. Meeting ENs from afar is rough, too. Still can be done. My OS was married a year and a half before coming home...my DIL did a lot of stuff via mail, email, myspace, etc. to connect with him, meet his ENs as best she could. Not easy...well worth it.

For every EN you meet...you make a love deposit. One Love Buster (LB) can wipe out 20 love deposits. Eliminating LBs is vitally important...especially because you're limited to the ENs you can meet long-distance.

Another idea here is to consider if your H may be having an EA or PA...any big change in how he relates to you, any signs or clues in this regard?

I know you've been through other deployments. I think you'd know if there was a radical behavioral change from your reasonable expectations.

Glad you're here...please keep posting.

LA