Eph,

Wow! I am amazed at you! You are still alive and doing it basically on your own. No, I'm serious. My friend, I have had some folks here on MB with whom I've sat up all night with them on their first night of Plan B...and most of the next couple of days! You are amazingly strong.

I have a few practical suggestions for you the next day or two. First, if anyone has ever doubted/wondered if BS's go through withdrawal...you will now be able to answer them. BS's MOST DEFINITELY go through withdrawal just as strongly as WS's do. Right now will be the worst of it for you. If you can get through the next few days (and I mean 2-3) then it starts to ease from there. I don't care what you do, any time you're tempted to contact, REACH OUT! Don't do it!! Because every time you contact, you have to start all over again. Just grit and bear with it, and we'll help ya through.

Next, I suggest that you make plans for the next two days for pretty much every second of your waking life...and make them somewhat fun plans. What I mean is this: do not "plan" to go through your wedding pics right now and sort them out. "Plan" to go to dinner with a friend you lost contact with. "Plan" church, bible study, prayer meeting, or something uplifting like that. "Plan" to go someplace you have always wanted to go (like to a bookstore, camping...something a little fun). "Plan" to watch that chick flick you would never let the guys catch you alive watching. But "plan" every minute to distract yourself as best you can through the next couple of days--and make plans that are a little encouraging because you don't need a downer right now.

Third...buy soup and kleenex with lotion. If you're crying a lot and use normal kleenex, you will rug burn the skin off your eyelids and nose, and that hurts a lot worse. Also, when you cry you have a lump in your throat and you can't eat, but you need to keep up your strength so eat soup. It's warm and nutritious.

Fourth, it's okay to use melatonin or tylenol p.m. to help yourself get some sleep during these couple of days, but don't get used to taking sleeping pills to sleep. Temporarily you will need your strength and concentration for work and the kids, so herbs or OTC=yes, it's reasonable; anything stronger (including drinking to excess)=no and/or check with your doctor first. I'll be blunt. Lots of times men feel so hurt and can't let it out that they will turn to drinking to numb the hurt a bit. I'm not judging them--the pain is so great that some can't bear it--but if you're tempted to "have a couple beers" it's probably best if you wait until you're over the hump of these first few days. Just friendly advice from someone who's been there, done that.

Finally, there are MANY, MANY people here who I know for a fact would be willing to get a call from you, day or night, if you're having a tough time. You know who they are, but I'd say pretty much everyone who has replied on this thread! Thus, do not be afraid to reach out to your friends. We ARE here.

Keep on, dear friend. A few more hours and it will get a little better.

Your faithful friend,



CJ

Oh, for a second there I though you were recommending he do something else. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Welcome to the rest of your life, Eph!

She has the PBL. You are now dark. No more worrying about what her response will be. No wondering if she will text back, or even send the notebook back. You just keep driving on.

Your family is moving on without her. At this time, you must pretend as if your wife has died. What would you do if that happened? How would you proceed raising those kids? what plans would there be at this point for your life? Remember, if she were really dead, there would be no way for you to contact her. So, even if she approaches you...you tell yourself that this is just a stranger...your wife is dead.

Now, the great thing about this is IF your wife reaches out to the Lord, then she will be brought back to life. But that is neither in your power, nor your concern. If it happens, you will know. Until that happens (or if that happens), you have a life to lead and kids to raise.

As the others have said, I am proud of you. The next week or so will be rough...but you will make it.

Eph,

No regrets. YOu have fought the good fight. You deserve a break, and after withdrawal, you will get one.

Now, as for CJ's suggestion of soup and kleenex, YIKES...

E, WOW...it's a new day and I didn't get a call from you!

Like I said yesterday, don't be afraid to call, my good man, I may need to hear from you more than you need to talk to me! You never know when you are actually helping the other person on the other end of that phone!

You will not be imposing, I promise! This was something that was hard for me to learn...

Look like CJ and I are on the same page with withdrawal...you'll be just fine! keep yourself busy and do like CJ says, REACH OUT!

We're all here for you! How are you this morning?

Self-care my friend, self-care is so important, because if you are not right than those beautiful kids are not right!

Looking forward to hearing from you!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Eph!!

You have finally arrived! Welcome. I know you really did not want to enter the darkness of plan B, but it will get better. CJ has your back, lots of us here for you anytime you need something.

You have fought hard for your family and should be proud. Now, once withdrawl passes, you can relax and find true enjoyment from life again. I know I am really looking forward to that myself.

Hang in there , relief is on the short horizon!

Regarding staying busy, I had some friends and their kids over last night for dinner to help keep my mind of things.

At one point I just had to go out on the deck and look up at the moon and stars for a bit. One of my friends came out and prayed with me.

I am so exhausted that sleep is not a problem right now.

I have reached out to some people here on MB and I appreciate their willingness to talk and listen and read. So many have been here with me from the start and I am thankful you have stayed with me on this journey.

Phil 3:12-14 (The Message)
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

The only thoughts I cannot get out of my head are how she is gonna twist this to use it against me. Since I can't think like an illogical wayward I can;t see how she can do this, but I know that becuase she is an illogical wayward she will do it. This thought actually crossed my mind last night - Do I even want to be married to her?

I plan to e-mail the attorney and the GAL to let them know what has happened. Honestly, I would prefer to have custody taken care of in the next mediation session because that is the only thing left that requires the possibility of contact.

Jim - I got a chuckle from your response. Is it true that Kleenex, not a dog, is man's best friend? Remember Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy (http://www.cco.net/~jpete/deepthou.htm)

Just got a call from the child exchange facilitator - WW has not picked the kids up yet.

This is the stuff that scares me now.

Stay calm, it will be okay...did you get in touch with CJ? Did the child exchange facilitator call WW?

I suggest calling CJ!

Breathe, it's going to be okay!

calling the exchange facilitator now so she can attempt to contact WW.

OK, WW was contacted. A story was given about being at the hospital with a neighbors daughter????? Whatever.

She is on the way to pick them up.

If this person does not get in touch with WW can his person watch the kids all day?

I also recommend that you come up with another plan for daycare if you can...just as back up...WW may be rebelling right now, but she does want to spend time with the kids!

What's up E? How are you doing?

hanging in there for now. trying to work and not freak out right now.

Okay, I missed that post...Glad everything is going well!

Today's a bright and shiny day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

God continues to speak.

I got an IM from a good friend at work today. She sent me this:


I told her of what happened yesterday and even shared with her the PBL. We both agreed that it's no coincidence that she felt the need to pray. God's divine providence.

Well not much I can do here, but I have put you on our prayer list. There are 4,000 plus around the world and at any time 2 people will be praying for you so you have some extra "round the clock" care.

Eph.

Just remember you have in you a pure white light of God. We all do, nothing we do and nothing we hav done to us can extinguish that light. Our pain or deeds sometimes cloud our vision of that light and the love and strength we can draw from it.

Sometimes we do not know it is there at all, especially when we are overwhelmed by pain. So when you are doing well, connect with that part of Himself God has within you, so you know where it is and what it looks like. Then go to it if you need peace and comfort.

I know many look for God outside themselves, but the day He gave us life He put a part of Him in us and it remains until we leave this body.

God Bless and remember God has his hand on your shoulder and His light within you.

SP

Hey SP, how did your meeting go? This was the one you mentioned that you would use some of what I wrote from Sunday.

Thanks you so much for your support.

Surprisingly I am doing well, it's almost scary. Hopefully that continues tonight.

Eph,

Hey there! Glad you are feeling ok today! I, too, have been surprised at how well it has been going here in Plan B ofr me!

I know we'll both have our 'moments' but there will be much more peace than turmoil now!

Oh OK. As you ask - I phoned before the meeting to give him the text to look up and ponder. His Pastor had stopped by! Another sign. When I got there he had looked up Proverbs 25:6, also really appropriate for the situation, amazing how, when you take a step, God adds to it.

The meeting went really well, as far as I could tell, but you never quite know. If he heeds it, quite a few people's daily lives will be better. If not, I guess I keep on working at it as long as he is asking me for help. One step forward - then one step back, so God can lead the way.

SP