I have posted on the " recovering forum". Some here may know my situation. To make it short, I am having trouble finding out whether or not they are still talking. He will not let me on our cell phone account, and he has a second billing password on the account so I cannot get to see the detailed calling list of who he is talking to and how often. We currently do notlive together because of finances, long story, but not seperated. When he is around me, he keeps his phone locked to where I cannot get in to see who he has been talking to. I need help. I have done all the things I can think of. I need proof before I can confront him about it.

Amber, I would ask him to give you the password so you can see for yourself. If he is doing nothing wrong, he should be happy to share that with you. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

I have. He refuses. He says that if I ask he will let me see his phone, I told him I am not stupid, that he can erase anything in his phone whenever he wants, but the phone records, he can not change. That is why I need to see those records. They can't lie. And he can't change whats on those.

And what was his response to that?

Tell him the truth...that you DON'T trust him anymore. He violated that trust...it's broken, but it can be repaired.

HE can repair it...by demonstrating trustworthy behavior. If he wants you to trust him, if he wants you to feel that he is a trustworthy person, and that its safe for you to be around him, HE has to work to make that happen. He has to SHOW you he's trustworthy. Secret passwords, refusal to become an "open book"...this is doing the exact opposite.

Are the two of you trying to recover? TOGETHER? Has he shown an intent to reconcile?

Well, if he refuses, then you have your answer. You can safely assume he is still having his affair. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

Amber, in what category would you place your husband:

Freeloader is unwilling to put much effort into the care of his or her partner in a romantic relationship. He or she does only what comes naturally and expects only what comes naturally. It's like a person who tries to live in a house without paying rent or doing anything to improve it unless the person is in the mood to do so.

Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.

Buyer is willing to demonstrate an extraordinary sense of care by making permanent changes in his or her own behavior and lifestyle to make the romantic relationship mutually fulfilling. Solutions to problems are long-term solutions and must work well for both partners because the romantic relationship is viewed as exclusive and permanent. It's like a person who buys a house for life with a willingness to make repairs that accomodate changing needs, painting the walls, installing new carper, replacing the roof, and even doinf some remodeling so that it can be comfortable and useful.

I completely agree that people that have nothing to hide, hide nothing and that your husband's actions are absolutely telling you that he IS still having an affair...If you still want to see the phone records though, install a keylogger on his computer and that will provide you with his passwords to the cell phone account...

Mrs. W

Does anyone know where the spying101 thread is located?

I need to review it to add a couple of instruments to my information gathering arsenal.

Spying 101 Thread

Mrs. W

MrsWondering - Thanks much for the info!

Now, I've got to get busy.......this stuff just makes me so uneasy in the sense that I am apprehensive of what I may find, but at the same time I will be relieved because I know!

He is a renter. I have looked at the thread on snooping 101. He doesn't use a computer. The only good idea they had was to use a GPS tracker on his truck. I know where she lives.

Amber, I would have to say he is freeloader at this time. The fact that he is hiding something and it is likely another woman makes him a freeloader.

Is it possible to buy a GPS system and download it on my computer and put it on his truck somewhere and then look where he is on my computer without him knowing it? Is it legal? Or should I care? And if I can, does anyone know how much they are and where I can get one?

Here is an old post about a phone that has a tracker - and also a program for email.

The phone uses GPS tracking as is available for emergency services for tracking any cell phone. I used an old Wheriphone 2 years ago to do what I had to do. Now, the technology is even better. In fact, Wherify's old technology was updated and the devices were also updated. They sent me a free phone. There is service charge like cell phones, but is minimal. Yes, the phone can be placed inside of a car. It's very small. You can track the path and the path taken "bread crumbs." When the subject leaves, you get online and watch where they go, see when they stop, everything!! The most important thing is it's affordable!! Then you can either enforce "no contact" or gather evidence for D-Day.

Spector will send the emails to the email address registered, to any computer, instantly. This is especially useful when you know the other person's name or email address, or the phrases they use. If you then have access to the compter, you can scroll through all events recorded, like a VCR.

I bought it, used it, loved it. There was nothing I could think of to improve this product. At the end of the day, I hit "print."

But what about noises? Does it beep or anything when the battery is going dead. We are apart right now and won't be able to get the phone back to cahrge it everyday. Doesn't the phone have to be turned on? And where can I get one so I can look into it?

P.S We are not seperated because of the A (right now) only because of finances. I am living with my mother and he is living in the next town over so he can be close to work and save on gas. Unfortunatly for me it is the town she lives in. That is my issue.

Bad idea to live apart. You need to be together. I don't know if the phone makes noises, just copied a post from someone who used it.

A GPS is about $350. and is quiet and will give transmit to a computer the location, address and time.

Well he wants to be together, but circumstances are not good right now. Doing the best we can I guess. I guess I may have to save up for a GPS. Thank you very much though for the info. I hate to be this way, but for the moment being I need to do what it takes to believe him. I can only pray that he is doing right.

He may want to be together, or he may want to be apart to continue an affair. Be very careful, and check things thoroughly.

If he had an affair before, he needs to be an open book. You should be checking his phone, email, location all the time, etc.

Well unfortunatly he doesn't use the computer at all. His phone is a loss, so the only option is to track him. Whenever I say that I feel like I am being completly pathetic and desperate. But it is all I have right now.