I don't know much about online gaming - other than my kids have done a bit of it, with my supervision.

I know that most games have chat clients so you can chat with other players of the same game. There are public chats - where all the players playing can see what everyone is saying, and there are also private chat windows that can be opened to speak directly with another player.

Do you know if OW is gaming too? If so, that could account for his constant playing and it would afford them a way to communicate right under your nose.

I thought of this when I first read your posts yesterday, but didn't mention it. I figured if you were watching him play, you could see if he was chatting with anyone. You might want to look over his shoulder casually to see if he is talking to any one player in particular.

JinGA

JFJ

Use this keylogger:

http://www.smartkeystrokerecorder.com/free-undetectable-keylogger.htm

Free 5 day trail.
Used it to catch my WW.

Can't detect it.
You can install under your XP login.
Monitors everything on the computer. If you use a joint account on the computer then make sure you delete the shortcuts on the desktop. One thing about this. You have to start it after you install it. Once you start it then it will fire up when the computer is rebooted.

As to online gaming... With XBox you can talk to the other gamers just like on the phone. OW would have to have Xbox, Online acctount and highspeed internet (DSL,Cable modem) and the game. So if you are wondering if they are communicating via XBox online gaming then yes it is possible with enough hardware and software.

Hope this helps.

Also, don't know about Men but, with my WW when ever I asked her if she had been in contact with OM she blew up. Never answered the question directly mind you. Later found out she had been in contact. Blowing up was her way of hiding guilt. I know now. Note to self: if WW blows up when when I ask if she has been in contact with OM then answer is yes.

I agree with MrDev. If a spouse knows the trust is blown, if he/she is not doing anything wrong and is committed to working on the marriage, he/she should not be upset by contact questions. Sure it may make them uncomfortable - remind them that they screwed up - but it shouldn't be surprising.

If a FWS knows that asking and answering is part of recovery, then it should be no big deal if the question is asked and they can answer truthfully that there has been no contact.

If they are lying and in contact, then yep - an angry outburst is the quickest way to put the defenses up, and get the BS to feel guilty about asking and thus shift the "blame" away from themselves and onto the BS.

It's not a very clever tactic - most folks figure that out fairly quickly. If he has nothing to hide, it should not bother him so much, IMO.

Any time I busted my XH in being "careless with the truth" he'd staunchly deny, and get angry with me for the accusation. Over the years (and this was not about cheating on me - it was other stuff, some of it completely benign), I learned to have irrefutable proof in my hands before I asked *any* questions.

A few months after we separated, XH tried to hack into my email. I'd "booby trapped" it so that if he tried to get the password for it emailed to my alternate email address, I had the alternat forward right to the account he was trying to get into. I came home from my friend's wedding to a "password request" email. He'd tried to get in, but didn't (betcha he had to do an underpants check when he realized I'd set it up to foil him!). Just having the email wasn't proof enough - I knew he'd done it from our business, so I came in to check the cache pages on the browser. When I got here (after hours) he was here, and in tears about stuff - that's another story. I didn't have a chance to get the evidence I was looking for right then, so I said nothing. Later that night when he was gone, I came back and got the cache page that showed the date and time that he was on this very computer, trying to get into my email. I printed that.

A couple of days later I confronted him about trying to get into my email (I'm more computer savvy than he gave me credit for - and he's an IT professional!). Of course he denied it. So when I told him I had proof that the hack attempt came from this computer he played dumb and said that "somebody else" must have been on the business computer. The business computer is also the cash register.

"Let me get this straight, at 4:30 PM on Saturday, *somebody* but you don't know who, was on the cash register computer, trying to hack into my email?"

He insisted that was the case. Finally I told him that he could tell me whatever he wanted, believe whatever he wanted, but I had the proof in my hands and I showed it to him. He kept denying it for a bit longer - then he eventually fessed up.

Stuff like this happened many times over the years - I'd have info in my hands that would remove any trace of reasonable doubt, but he'd still deny.

Why do people do that? I've always told my kids - if you screw up, own it. I'd rather hear about a screw-up, than a lie about it. There are consequences for a mistake or a bad choice, but there are plenty *more* consequences when it also involves a lie.

Fortunately I have not caught XH in a lie in a long time. Of course we're divorced now and he hasn't really had anything to lie to me about since then. Hopefully he has realized that lying doesn't get anybody anywhere in the long run.

JinGA

Oh one other thing. SOME anti virus software will not let you install a key logger. That is one of the programs anti virus software looks for.

As to undetectability, it is possible that the keylogger program could slow the computer down enough that a you could detect a difference in the way it runs but, I would doubt it.
Using the keylogger I linked to above you may want to turn off screen capture. That takes more horsepower.

Thanks for the suggestion, but he plays an online game with my 12 year old son. They have a group that always plays together - some of WH's friends and some of sons friends. I'm fairly positive OW doesn't play - it's a pretty complicated game and both she and he told me she pretty computer illiterate and can barely send emails.

J4J

You posted on my thread 3 days ago, and I somehow missed it until now. Please check my reply when you get time....

Thanks,