I need your perspective.

I haunted this board a few years ago as jancancrop when I was going through discovery and reconcilliation attempts with my ex-husband.

Now I need to know what to do.

Last week I had a male friend from work over dinner and a game of Scrabble. He's 6 years younger than me, fun, living on his own - poor bachelor guy not getting home cooked meals. When he was here I found out that he was separated from a wife (never knew he was or had been married). I should have had him leave immediately.

I am not interested in this guy romantically. And while we have a lot in common, he's immature, reminds me of my brothers. I have ever only offered friendship.

And NOTHING happenend - he beat me at Scrabble (224 - 221) and he went home.

SO I was despondent yesterday when I got a call at my office from his wife - screaming at me about having an affair with her husband. I was physically ill and have been thrown back into a bunch of really bad memories and have spent most of the night crying. Not because of this guy - but because I have become the "other woman" and have caused someone the pain I went through.

I tried to reassure the wife tht there was nothing going on, that I did not know he was married. But having walked in her I doubt it will help. There is nothing I can do for her - and really don't want to get involved.

SO what do I do - I feel so ill right now just thinking of that screaming despondent woman.I will not ever even speak to this man (we do not work together - I just now him through some people at work), nor see him.

But how do I get past this nauseating disgust with myself and the situation.

So why did he give the impression he isn't married? Why was he over your place playing scrabble and where is your H?

If you are not in an A and it was a huge misunderstanding, that co-worker s/b the one explaining.

You don't have to feel guilty unless you want to. You thought he was single? Who else thought the same?

L.

I am now divorced.

NO wedding ring, when he found out that I was going through a divorce he commented that we have a lot more in common than he thought, that he understood what I was going through, and was thankful he didn't have children.

I just feel so dumb.

Hmmm....

Would it be possible to write this lady a letter? Tell her what you've told us here - assure her that there will be NC, and let her know that you understand where she's coming from.

Sucks that you're in this situation - like I said - a letter will explain things, and assure her that YOU want no part in being "OW" even if nothing happened - you know how inappropriate it looks, so you will gladly go NC.

JinGA

The fact that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring means he is not committed to the M, so I can see why his W would flip. She knows it... she feels it.

That being said, if you didn't know, you didn't do anything wrong. If you empathize with her, call her back and tell her. A letter is also a good idea, like JinGA suggested.

is he or is he not seperated? Are they heading for divorce according to her or was that just some [email]cr@p[/email] he said to you?

If they are not together and are merely waiting on paperwork, I don't understand her call to you. If they are in fact together or working on things, he is a dirt bag that needs to be avoided at all costs.

S64:

Send the letter to the Wife. Detailing what went on.

State that you will tell her if her WH trys to contact you again.

For the future? Check out somebody before they come over for Scrabble. Check some external references first. Try not to be put into the same situation again.

Was it a misunderstanding? No. This guy knew exactly what he was doing.

And put all of that in the letter. BS needs to know.

LG

Heck - in the letter, send her to this website <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

Thanks guys - I have settled down considerably. I will compose a letter.

And I have no desire to see or talk to this man EVER. He makes me sick. My job entalis having occ. contact with him so I have asked that his case be reassigned.

I will not be a "party" to his wayward tendencies even if it's just as a friend.