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This may seem like a really weird question LWP, but how old is he and by any chance does he live in Washington State? (or is it Oregon?) Is his first name Bill by any chance?


DW--BW....separated/divorced since 2003
Re-married 7/09!
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There's nothing wrong with dating just as long as you know what kind of relationship you're capable of at the moment. It sounds like you're trying to alleviate your loneliness rather than build a sound foundation for a potential relationship. You know, the cart before the horse syndrome.

Who_Dat has some sound advice, meet the guy and try to bring your desire for a relationship in line with what is before you at the moment. Don't try to build a lasting relationship with someone you haven't met. Nothing Victorian about that.

I'm interested to see the answer to the question dw has asked you.


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Quote:

A Gentleman or a game? A little confused....




...so this was your original question. I'm going to answer it:

A game. Turf him.

I've yet to meet a blue collar worker with tattoos who is so HIGHLY respectful of women that he won't even sleep on a sofa, for fear of "disrespecting" his woman. This may be stereotypical of me, but as with all GENERALIZATIONS, GENERALLY they are true.

It smells of this fake-arse "knight in shining armour" syndrome that some men take on in order to woo women. I find the whole thing just reeks of a married man, getting his kicks online....


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)

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LWP,

I really think...based on what you said,that you are rushing into all of this WAY too fast.

One big red flag for me is when people start talking about loneliness and they aren't even divorced yet.If you cannot be on your own, comfortably,for some *significant time and heal from the other relationship first,you better take a step back and analyze that because it sounds a great deal like you are using this guy to fill some voids.And we all know,or most of us do,how that turns out in the long run.

Asking this guy you have never met before to stay over at your sisters or even at a hotel is not appropriate in my mind at this stage.People make a lot of assumptions just on internet chat and there is more untruths out there than you can shake a stick at.You have to get to know this guy in person,the real him.And an LDR will make that hard too.

Slow it down IMO.Get your ducks in a row.End the marriage first,get it over with and HEAL.You may want to stomp your feet and give the usual "why should I have to wait" debate but if you don't things can and very well may turn ugly for you.

You sound very emotionally involved already and you need to be careful.Keep your wits about you.Don't let your feelings cloud your *judgment.

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My husband told me that some men play a game with women to get sex. Some men will act the gentleman and not even give an indication to a woman that he wants to have sex with her the first time they are out. He said that it almost guarantees that the man will have sex with the woman the second time because she is left wondering, 'why didn't he try?'

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on 6/24 -
Quote:

I'll be meeting him in 13 days from today.




its 7/18 - i guess the board was right. otherwise she would be back here gloating. .

wiftty


Learning from your own mistakes creates experience, learning from books creates knowledge, combining the two together creates wisdom => You start with a full bag of luck, and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
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Quote:

on 6/24 -
Quote:

I'll be meeting him in 13 days from today.




its 7/18 - i guess the board was right. otherwise she would be back here gloating. .




Or maybe they hit it off and she hasn't come up for air yet...

AGG


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Oh my AGG, you are naughty!


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Quote:

Oh my AGG, you are naughty!




Hehe, I actually share Wiftty's suspicions, but was just trying to make lemonade out of lemons .

AGG


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I'm too late into this thread

I made those same mistakes. The man I got involved with was someone I knew through business (but not in person) for some years before I separated - and it was only formal business before that. Then about 6 months after word got around that I was separated, he started flirting and I flirted back. I wasn't divorced. I should have listened to those who told me to *wait*.

I'm finally doing things right - but I did them in reverse. I'm divorced now and NOW I'm getting right with myself and with God and learning to be OK on my own.

I understand how the void begs to be filled - but that's the absolute *worst* time to get involved with somebody. The best time is when you DO NOT "need" somebody. Then you make your decisions based on free will, choice, not desperation or need, or perceived need.

I could have written a similar post 2 years ago myself - wish I had and somebody would have 2x4'd me. But I didn't - that's MY fault and nobody else's. Lessons learned.

I wonder how it went.... but I think I know how it turns out

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Greetings! To all the Wise and Wonderful folks here at MB!

I think I finally got it! LOL! 3 strikes and I'm Out!

There was nothing really wrong with him. I realize now that I ....yes, I, with God's help, must fill this VOID.

I'm going to waaaaiiiitttt until I don't feel lonely, and I feely full, wholesome, joyful, purposeful, good on my own now. It may take some time... baby step it.

I got two books I'm starting to read... "Look Great Feel Great 12 Keys to Enjoying a Healthy Life Now," by Joyce Meyer and "The Sacred Romance, Drawing Closer to the Heart of God," by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge.

They seem like a good place for me to start.

Today I woke took my two lovely dogs for a walk, ate healthfully, prayed, and submitted for some more employment on line. (I'm looking for a teaching job.) I'm beginning a new romance...with God and the life I've been given... No one can take that and leave me empty!

If anyone has some advice, things that helped them grow... I would be interested. I'm truly interested in my "heart"...and I'm going to try my darndest to keep my focus on it's "spiritual health."

I would love to commune with others like me. I would like to find a church family... I think. I'm still trying to figure that one out. In the meanwhile... I'll just work on myself and my "non-romantic" relationships for a long while.

Thanks,
Lamplight

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:::::Applause:::::

I have no more sage advice - I'm sorta kinda in a similar place - been on my own for a while now and just doing what it takes to keep moving forward... on my own

Carry on!

JinGA


F/40, DD15 DS13 M 1989 DDay his EA May 1998. S Aug 2004. D Dec 05. I filed. 4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R. 6/23/07 XH said no to R. 8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B". 1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day. Ask me about Geocaching!
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Hi JinGA-

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. LOL.

Tonight I'm going to check out a support group. We shall see. I'm sure to be careful NOT to look for someone else to fill me... however having "companions" and learning from one another may be a nice way to grow... who knows... perhaps God in his infinite wisdom is sending me there to "tell my story" tonight to help someone else. Nice thought. Which in turn would help me... get it? LOL.

Oh I have a terribly goofy sense of humor... I like it though. Ok... now I'm talking to myself.

Have a good evening... and "pass it on!"

Lamplight

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Quote:

There was nothing really wrong with him.




Oh, come on, no fair, we want details!!!!

AGG


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LOL... AGG....

He was sweet, had a soft kiss, and a warm safe hug, rugged hands, and a gentle touch. He was artistic, sensitive, spiritual, good looking and eyes that drank me up, and a gentleman.

He was incredible.

He is adorable.

He is in Texas and I'm in New York.

He is too busy now.... I understand... I hope he contacts me some day as a friend... because he was the first guy i truly shared such a spiritual connection with.

He isn't the one for me in some ways... yet they're not really important to note. Just that he is overloaded with debt and other family issues.

Either way... knowing him has at least let me know that a man CAN be open with me emotionally and spiritually. That was nice.

When he pulled away and I hurt... well I quickly realized that this hunger that I need to feed isn't going to be fed by a man... Not this time, not again. I need to build myself up so it can't be taken away.

He is a good guy too... and I hope he finds what it is he needs.




My support group was nice. I met another woman about my age who is just divorcing and she is struggling. We were helping eachother and we said we would meet back next Thursday night.

My best,
Lamplight

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i agree with good spiritual health.
i turn everything over to god. i don't know how i would make it thru if i did not. and my church family? the best. they are there for me every single day. i am grateful for them, they have NEVER let me down.

i have gotten much more spiritual over the past year. and i know i must have a man in my life that shares that desire as well. without god we have nothing. you are reading good books. max lucado is great too. i do at home bible studies a few minutes each day. and i pray every single day. and when i do i turn everything over to god. i always mess things up when i try to handle them on my own. i am a pretty simple person, i am not money hungry or materialistic. i am can be very happy with very little as long as i have my kids. i don't feel i am a selfish person at all, but i do want a slice of that happy relationhsip pie. i don't think after the marriage i went thru that that is asking too much. we all deserve safety and caring and love after what we have been thru.

i think you are on the right path. god has plans for all of us, we just can't always see the big picture and sometimes stuff doesn't make sense til way later down the road when we go "oh, that is why that happened that way!" that is why i try not to get too stressed about stuff. because i can't see the big picture.

you can email me anytime if you would like, my email is in my sig line. i am in NY too!

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Several years ago, I read Terry Waite's autobiography. He was the envoy of the Archbishop of Canterbury who was held captive in Lebanon for something like 5 years.

In the book, he paraphrased something allegedly said by Augustine:

To have peace, you must know yourself. To know yourself, you must be alone.

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Quote:

To have peace, you must know yourself. To know yourself, you must be alone.




Very, very true!


I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey
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mlhb- thank you for your thoughtful and kind remarks.

I do give everything over to God. I trust in the Lord and pray...that hasn't been exactly enough for me to flourish...but only to "make it" through the rough spots. Something like I heard before... still drinking "mother's milk" when I need solid food.

The ideas presented in the book "The Sacred Romance" are exciting to me and make some "spiritual sense" (if you will.) The idea that I will open up and fall in love with all the beauty and "good" life around me...drink it in...and attribute it all to my relationship with God, and that God would like, perhaps love that to happen? ...well I like that.

Sounds so simple...I know. I think when you've been hurt... suffered trauma... become depressed... lost faith or "heart" one needs to "learn" to open up again. I ran and hid my heart... I think I became leary subconsciously of loving again...period. Loving anyone, myself included.

Cinderella and raggamuffin-
thank you. Defining "alone" can mean many things. I've been surrounded by many people yet felt very alone. I've been alone and felt my mind "crowded." Where ever I am now generally I can manage and create that feeling...spiritual growth in relation to God has eluded me. I think maybe it is not enough to be alone but one must also be wide open and leaning with faith and hope to grow closer to God. None of which is always easy... being wide open... leaning ....faith and hope. I haven't always had all of these at once ...right now I believe I am doing it with results.

I woke this morning...and thought let's see this glorious day God has set before me...it is so lovely. Look at the billowing white clouds against the crisp blue sky in the morning light. I could almost smell the air outside my window when I woke. I'm alive and lovely. There are exciting things that God would like me to choose from and do and see and share in. I'm happy to be alive. I WANT to get out of bed...I don't WANT to lay there all day sleeping my doldroms off.

I feel anew... hallelujah!!!

Peace out!
Lamplight

Last edited by LWP36; 07/23/07 01:10 PM.
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