Hello All:

It's been months since I've posted. Many of you may not know my story but D-Day was Nov 23, 2006.

I stopped drinking Alcohol on Oct 26, 2006 and have not had a drink since.

FWW and I are working out things SLOWLY, we have SF 4-5x a week, however she does not want intimacy still, won't say she loves me, and wants ME to work out my issues still.

Her issues are that she feels I'm suffocating her and concentrating on her too much. My rebuttal is that I'm trying to make up for lost time and years of alcoholism where I was not "available" to family or her.

Now that I'm here and sober, she want's no intimacy and does not want to spend much time with me in mending the relationship. We do go to counseling.

She is not communicating with OM like before, or at all. She has stated that she is not going to leave me, is still attracted to me, still loves me in the counceling sessions we have. She wants me to concentrate on ME for a while rather than concentrate on her. Lately I've been needy and seeking her approval which is a major turn-off. But we do communicate and argue a lot less than we used to.

I've been willing to do this, but it's frustrating. We spend time together each night. We have gone out as a family a few weekends and I'm happy for that.

This is a long road......

I wouldn't complain too much.

Remember, these things take an AVERAGE of two years to recover from. Just be patient (and be happy you are getting it that often, some of us would love to be getting it that much during recovery).

You have no idea the gift you have given your children with this. Well heck, the gift you have given all, including yourself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And I remember you, and have wondered if you were still sober.

Wow, SF 4 or 5 times a week. I'm thinking like Jim, as in what's to complain about? LOL, no seriously the words will come from her, as Jim says, it takes time.

I'd give you a big, walloping slap on the back if I could. You are doing great!

Thanks for the encouragement!

You know, my kids now come to ME for their needs....write me cards, tell me they love me, ask for me at bedtime, want to play with ME ALL THE TIME....it just was not even close to that before.

I was an absent father and husband. 10 months ago My wife told me she hopes our kids never meet or end up with a guy like me.

My wife wrote this in my Fathers Day Card last week:

"You are a wonderful father, and the girls love you SO much! Keep up the great job Daddy!"

That made me melt...even though I'm not getting the affection from my spouce Id like, I know I'm doing the right thing.

Congratulations Dedicatedfather!!!!!!

About your wife's feelings, it might be that there are two things going on.

Recovery from the A, and left over feelings of resentment from living with a former alcoholic that she just hasn't gotten over.

My sister is married to an alcoholic. She is bitter and resentful of all the ****** that she was put through over the years by her husband's addiction.

He gave up alcohol 15 years ago, and it took at least a year to get back to his normal prealcoholic self. Apparently, when a person quits drinking, it takes over a year for their thinking to get back to normal. (Just what my sister says).

Fast forward, he fell off the wagon five years ago, and my sister is fed up and wants a divorce if he doesn't quit the drinking.

Its not just the alcoholic that is sick, it is the whole family.

I believe that in order for the spouse of an alcoholic to forgive their spouse and give up their resentment for the years of being abused, they will need a counselor that is experienced in substance abuse to help overcome those feelings of anger, pain, resentment, and loathing.

My not so proffessional advice would be to seek family counseling with a substance abuse-family counselor.


Sincerely,
k.d.'s heartbreak

Yes, we do that, and I go to 4-5 AA meetings a week. Thanks!

Either way I'll ALWAYS be alcoholic...you can't just rid of it.....you just stop practicing the drinking part!