I experienced a lightbulb moment....
After almost two years of posting here and recovering my marriage I have simplified the process of reclaiming your marriage, or at the very least, your personal recovery.
We come here seeking how to fix our marriage;
We walk away with the knowledge that we can only change ourselves, and discover, state, and enforce our boundries.
We learn this through Plan A and Plan B. Improving ourselves,enforcing our boundries.
As a newly betrayed spouse, we come to MB with the mindset of reclaiming our marriage and ending the affair that ripped our marriage up to begin with as well as changing our spouse into the person we first fell in love with.
B/S thought pattern is "I Love My Spouse, I will change"
W/S thought pattern is "Betrayed Spouse's Behavior Made Me Do It and They Will Never Change."
I say this because if spouse is still wandering, they don't believe that they are wrong, but they are justified in having the affair.
If betrayed spouses understand and apply the plan A and plan b principles, they will obtain personal recovery, regardless of whether or not they recover their marriage.
Even if you never said one word about improving yourself, your spouse would eventually recognize your change in you, and in-fact, would in-directly motivate change within themselves. Its not something that happens overnight, because, w/s don't believe the change is for real and will test the b/s.
The conclusion of my lightbulb moment is,
"Our actions or reactions influence others!!!!"
Signed,
A Proud MB Member "Lightbulb Moment"
