Well, she is obviously in contact with him because she sent an email to a restaurant chain, in his name inquiring about a job for him...I am full of rage right now. I just want to throw the computer I am sitting in front of. I am pi$$ed off to no end right now. here is the copy of the email sent last night:

Manager,

My name is OM, I am currently employed as a server at Company A III. I spoke to OM's friend and he informed me that there were management positions available at Company A II (keep in mind, it is five minutes from MY HOUSE). I am extremely interested in moving up in the company and would like to apply for one of these positions. I spoke with *** and he gave me your email address, I am looking forward to speaking with you.

Thank You,
OM

I take it he is out of jail, or about to be??? I haven't been this full of rage in a long time...Thank GOD I am 10,000 miles away...How do I handle this deal? I feel like I need to puke again. She knows I know her password to her email, or maybe she forgot...I don't know...

Gha, Please go and talk to someone who is there with you in real life. You say you are in the Middle East, which I take it means you are either in the military or are some sort of contractor. You are in a dangerous environment and need all your wits about you.

Talk to a chaplain, a buddy, *someone* - better yet, make sure ALL of your mates there know exactly what is going on at home if they don't already. You need their support - do NOT keep this to yourself. Stuffing it down out of some misguided sense of shame or embarrassment is the worst thing you could do right now. Get this out in the open so your friends can help you.

You might be surprised at how many of the understand.

I can well understand the rage that is consuming you right now, but don't let it get you (or someone around you) killed.

Is there anyone at home where WW is (stateside? UK?) who can keep any eye on things for you? Again, let EVERYONE know. Let them help you. Do NOT keep this to yourself.

Let us know how it's going. These boards do slow down on weekends, but there's usually someone around. My family is gone for the week so I will try to drop in throughout the weekend.
Good luck.
Mulan

GHA, I hate to see people in your situation. I am in the military as well and I see/hear about people having A's all the time, especially during TDY's or deployments. I'm sure you have heard about a little bunker lovin over there as well, it is truely tragic.
Take advantage of the resources available to you where you are, if you are at a more remote location, do like Mulan said and talk to your buddies, chaplain, or 1st shirt. I know this is extremely difficult for you right now and is definitly not what you need in your current situation (not that it is ever needed), but try your best to find some way to safely release your anger. Me personally, I am working out like a mad woman.
Also, she probably forgot you had the password. That is how I found out about my WH's A. What a dumba$$ he is.
Good luck man and stay strong.

G_H_A,

First, I'm going to politely remind you that the folks here at MB are not the ones hurting you, so aiming your anger at us and using cuss words is not appropriate. Now, we can ALL understand WHY you're so angry and we have all been there--but please use anger management techniques here and aim the anger where it's appropriate--and that's not at us!

Second, what pio suggested was just that...a SUGGESTION. In real life every one of us makes decisions every day about our priorities, and at the time when you agreed to go over to the Middle East, you and your W had determined that the priority was to pay off some debt and the time apart was a cost you could afford. Now that you are there, you can see that the cost was too great...or that perhaps she agreed to your departure to facilitate the "crush" she was starting to have on Jail-Bait (OM). However, after evaluating where things are RIGHT NOW--you are 10k miles away, you are paying off the debt, but your W is in tan A--based on the analysis of RIGHT NOW, what is your priority? That is a legitimate question and does not merit a verbal tongue lashing. Which M is more important to you right now, because it would appear you are on the verge of losing one--Money or Marriage?

Third, I want to make sure that the board, in general, realizes that when dealing with the feds, that being a "contractor" means that you basically do the EXACT SAME JOB that a federal employee would do, but they pay your "company" and the company pays you vs. the fed govt. directly paying you. Consequently, for all intents and purposes, G_H_A is not "self-employed" and able to just come and go as he needs to, but rather, he is a federal employee over there doing the exact same job--probably side-by-side--with the soldiers and stuff. He can NOT just "up and go" without extremely serious consequences such as a soldier would face for just leaving Iraq!!!! So his paycheck is not military, but for all intents and purposes, the work he's doing IS military.

However, G_H_A, I have a question for ya. Does your employer offer emergency leave of any sort? Like, "emergency sick leave" or "mental health leave" or anything like that? I am not familiar with what the proper term would be, but can you think of ANYTHING that would be a benefit along that line? The reason I ask is that whilst you are bound by your contract, they might have some options for ya to get out of there sooner -and- still sort of honor your commitments. Often companies have "long-term sick leave" or "family emergency leave" and that might be an option you could take to not invoke the $30k penalty -AND- get home sooner to work on your M.

Finally, let's go through the steps logically. It would appear that your WW has broken NC. I would like to point out to you that this is not entirely unusual--the A is like a drug addiction. The WS and OP get chemical reactions in their bodies that resemble getting a rush of seratonin, and that feels good. So it's entirely possible that your WW may be sincere about "wanting" to end the A but she's really struggling with it because the seratonin rush feels GOOD. Consequently, what happens fairly often is that the WS will end contact, go through some limited withdrawal, grow weak and miss the rush, and then recontact. Sooooo...don't jump all over her just yet. She may "want to" but need some serious support in getting through the withdrawal and resisting the urge to contact. G_H_A, envision a drug addict going through withdrawal. They start to get sick and then have a strong urge to end the sickness by going back on the drug! It often goes a little better if a friend or other person who loves the drug addict can stay and help them fight to resist that urge!! And the addict may really WANT to end the drugs, but it is really hard!!! If they think ahead, sometimes it is wise to just have someone there to "help" them get through those weak moments. Does that make sense?

The next step we usually advise people is to expose. This means that if the A is ongoing, do not ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist, sweep it under the rug, and continue the "secret." It means revealing the truth of what is occurring to people who will support the M and who can put pressure on WW to end the contact. These people would be: pastor, her family, your family, friends that are pro-marriage, siblings, EMPLOYERS, etc. Now, if I remember correctly, you did already "expose" once, right? To most of the above people. In my humble opinion (IMHO) it would be entirely appropriate for you now to RE-EXPOSE to your pastor, to the church folks who are "calling her to check on her", to her parents and siblings...and even most likely to the "employer" to whom WW sent this email for OM. The email to the "employer" would be something VERY brief and factual:

"To Whom it May Concern,

My name is G_H_A, and I am writing to you today regarding [OM] who has recently applied for a promotion within your company. OM is currently engaged in an extra-marital A with my wife while I am in the Middle East working for the military. The email which was sent to you was sent from my wife's computer, and she lives within X miles of location to which he applied. I am providing this information to you to give you notice that I believe they intend to use this job to carry on the A and continue unwanted sexual contact. Furthermore, I believe they intend to use company resources to carry on the the A. Finally, I believe his productivity will be negatively affected by being involved with unwanted sexual contact while he is in your employment.

Thank you for taking the time to hear me out."

The reason that you write this letter is to give the corporate part of the company a "head's up" that they are at risk for a sexual harassment lawsuit. Keep it short, because you are just INFORMING them of facts. Send it to OM's supervisor, the person from the email, and HR because once HR has a report of sexual harassment, they are obligated to investigate. Now, this note will not be a formal REPORT of sexual harassment, but it does give them a "heads up" and often that's enough for them to tell OM to KNOCK IT OFF!!

Sooooo--there ya go. You have something to do.

Your faithful friend,



CJ

I apologize for the words, and truthfully, I am not aiming it at you guys, I am just very hurt right now and need some encouragement that I am doing the right thing. The truth is, with this job, you have to be out of the country 330 days out of a 365 day period to remain tax free. I have been home twice already and only have a couple of days left. My year is up in August, and that is when I will go home. I can't go home sooner than that.

Well, just be patient then. Your wife is terribly selfish. When you get back, you can straighten things out or divorce her. If she is as terrible as I think she is for doing this to you while you slave for the families income in a dangerzone, you should get back, take control, or divorce her and let her support herself. Too bad you had two kids with her. Did you have any inkling she was this way before you had kids with her?

Yeah, G_H_A, we realize that you spoke out of hurt and anger--we've all been there and done that. However, that doesn't give you permission to speak in anger to folks here who are trying to help ya. It's cool--we will be understanding--but you know what I'm saying, right??

Regarding the job, we get that too. You literally can not go. It's similar to a soldier going AWOL--some still do it, but they end up in jail or worse. So for now, we are working "long distance."



--CJ



O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

* Refrain:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

I don't want to divorce her, but yea, I guess she is selfish. No, I didn't know she was like this before we were married. I won't be angry with you guys anymore, so again, I am truly sorry...Please forgive me...i started studying the Word about a month and a half ago, and the first scripture he took me to, was Hosea Chapter 1. God had told Hosea that him and Gomer were going to marry and then she would be unfaithful. he would then restore their marriage. That was exactly one week before D-Day. I am standing on that Word from the Lord. The whole week leading up to D-Day the Lord was showing me all the scriptures about restoration, restoration, restoration. it was crazy...i would open the Bible and there it was. I know the Lord showed me the outcome before it began, and that is why I am sticking by her...

Are you planning on amending your 2006 return to claim the FEIE for the months you were overseas? Also, there are other proof of residence tests. The 330 days is not the only one.

I thought I couldn't do the other P.O.R. tests becuase I haven't been over here a year...I mean, I don't know, you tell me...I am confused about these things...

I tried looking on the IRS web site but its search engine sucks. The 330 days is certainly the easiest of the tests to meet but it isn't the only way.

Read here

Looking at this, I strongly advise you to consult a tax expert. If you go in August, you will not meet the bona fide residence test but you might meet the physical presence test. Just get professional advice before you get a big surprise from the IRS.

i will find out..Thanks for the advice Pio...After my wife blew up, what can I expect over the next 24 hours or so...Will she say sorry for the things she said to me?? I need to know how to prepare myself...

Does it matter?

I don't understand what you mean by "does it matter?" I guess it does matter to me that at some point she is repentant for those things. I read it and I get paid out of the U.A.E. That really doesn't apply, does it, because I knew it was a warzone before I came over here??...Maybe, I really don't know. The tax laws are so confusing to the point where it is almost like they don't know what the heck THEY are talking about. If you can convert it to plain english for me that would be great....Thnx..

BTW..I wasn't being a jerk, sorry if that came across abrupt...

It doesn't matter where you get paid. Are you at the moment working for a US company or, if not, does the company you are working for file W2s on your behalf? I'm guessing you work for KBR. Your tax home, in this case, is whatever country you are in. If that is Kuwait, I don't believe they have income tax. North Kuwait certainly has no income tax. So that being the case, all your income will be taxable in the USA except what you can protect with the FEIE you are waiting until August to qualify for.

Are either you or the company paying FICA? It's not a requirement for non-US companies. I'm not even sure they can. Since you are only gone for the one year, it won't matter in the long run if it isn't being paid. I certainly don't pay FICA and haven't for many years.

If the company you work for does NOT file an income statement of any kind with the US government (and foreign companies are not required to BTW much to the chagrin of the IRS), then they will have to rely on your honesty.

I think Mr. W is (or was) a tax lawyer. I'm hoping he will have some better info for you. If I understood that last URL correctly, it looks like if you try to get a waiver, you have to file it before you go back to the USA. Don't know why. But then, who said tax laws had to make sense?

Your WW may be sorry some day but it likely won't be this day. But if she doesn't apologize right now, I'm guessing you still want to save your M. That's why it doesn't matter.

I have known contractors who have gotten a small apartment and brought their families over. If you have a residence visa for the country you are in, you can sponsor your own family. You don't need your company's permission. It may not be practical. Just considering all options.

It would be an impossibility to bring my family into this country due to living "inside the wire", and wouldn't want to live off the economy (probably be "gone" pretty quickly). yes, I do work for KBR, but am paid by a (KBR owned) company in the U.A.E., so not sure about reporting or anything like that. We don't pay FICA either since we are not paid by a U.S. company. I wish I could find a loophole, but am not going to hold my breath. You are helping me more than i could ever ask. Thank you. Yes, I still want my marriage to work, but am angry at all the awful stuff she said, even though I didn't show my anger. I guess I will just have to swallow my pride. Everyone is pressuring me to cut her off financially, but don't want to hurt my kids. Know what I mean?