Well this afternoon/evening was interesting (it's always interesting!).

Firstly, XH emailed me about the vacation - I mentioned that above. Now he's thinking of going to see GF in the fall. Good - maybe by then she'll have found herself another victim.

XH came by as usual, and his brother (the one who drives long haul transport truck) arrived. They hung around for a bit - XH asked my input on diagnosing a sick fish.. he took scrapings and we took turns at the microscope trying to ID some sort of protozoan infestation (sounds like fun, doesn't it?) Makes me feel good when he asks my input and we brainstorm trying to figure out what it is and the best course of treatment etc.

XH then left with his brother, to come over to my house so the kids could see their uncle. Usually he stays at least one night, sometimes with us, sometimes with XH, but his delivery is in the wee hours tomorrow so he went back to XH's for a while and he'll drive out tonight - his delivery is about 20 miles from here.

Before his bro arrived, XH was telling me about our nephew (another of his brother's kids - XH has 5 older brothers). Nephew is 25 and apparently he's turned into a real putz - abusive toward his parents etc. We talked about that for a while, how his brother and SIL don't deserve that and such. Then he told me about one of his other brothers and how nephew refused to help that brother take pictures at a family wedding recently (naughty nephew's sister)...

We are FAMILY. Yeah this is XH's "side" of the family but a family I've been a part of for 23 years. Stings a bit - I'm still considered to be XH's family... but not.

Then when Bro was there, we talked about geocaching a bit - Bro has been with us on geocaching excursions, and he told me about some club or something he saw in his local paper back home. I told him about some themed caches around here that deal with prospecting and gold panning, and XH piped up with REGRET that he never took GF gold panning - that's something she liked to do in her home state and missed about living here - well here there's lots of gold in them thar' hills... Oh well - too late now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I joked that DS seems to have "gold fever" and he wants to try panning so we might do that.

We talked about a lot of different things in a short time before they left. *That* is the kind of thing that makes it hard.. we're *family*... we've been *family* for more than half of our lives... but we aren't family anymore. Ugh.

OH and XH showed me a picture on his phone - apparently GF left herself in the sun too long and she sent him a picture of her belly, all blistered and oozing. Nice. Apparently she was out on the lake sunning herself and lost track of time (and apparently, sunscreen.). So now she's had poison oak AND bad sunburn. Gee... I can see why he might not want to rush out there right now... not too sexy there... LOL!

When he showed me the photo I winced an said a whole lotta "EWWWWWWW!" *g*.

Home now for the evening - DD stuck with the phone surgically implanted into her ear (with her boyfriend) but she's fixing us dinner too (multitasking - she ROCKS!)... gonna spend a quiet evening with the kids, and watching some stuff accumulating on the TIVO.

Tomorrow is another day.

JinGA

Jin,

What I am going for is the premise of your life...and I think I'm hindering that with the word premise...philosophy? Your belief system?

Let me use your business as an analogy...you work 70+ hours a week for free...you own the business, which you are trying to sell...

You haven't worked that business as a slave...you've had passion for it, commitment...even when you didn't "feel" like it. You had a higher payoff at work. Your choice to create, build and see it through...your own higher payoffs. No have to's about it...choices.

(And it makes a lot more sense, given your example, because you are a SLEUTH! Which is also a problem-solver, curious person and have an investigative mind...wanna know the whys...makes a lot of sense to me now.)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

We aren't one person at our jobs and another at home...may be our belief we are...we are one whole person who takes themselves to different environments...and yes, we may adopt different perspectives in those places...doesn't mean we aren't the same person both places.

We can have different personas (choices)...we remain the same person...essence. We do different stuff different places...we do and don't do. Doesn't make us different people. Sure can experience life that way, though.

I'm hearing Weaver and BD say take your focus off of xH. Not your choice to love. And I'm hearing, too, that choosing your goal as to reconcile with xH from you feeling love for him...is a prescription for disaster. If acting from your feelings is what you want...your philosophy...a belief you have, I'll respect that. If it isn't...if it is acting from your commitment to have a lifelong marriage to the father of your children, to the man you choose to love (not because you FEEL love)...then I'm behind your choice. I'm of the same mindset.

If choosing to focus on, think about xH a lot, gives you loving feelings, or sustains them...so you feel like reconciling...or if that you dwell on him a lot is what you see as evidence that you truly love him...then stop. That's not loving someone. Which doesn't contradict, when married, that we hold our partner's interests equal to our own...where our thoughts include them as much as ourselves.

Could that be the difference right now?

I bring this up again because of this statement: "I do need to just let it go... maybe he's just not worth it"

Again, predicating YOUR choices based on him.

Are you worth loving? Do you choose to love yourself? I know you act loving towards yourself...do you do it because you've passed your own test...have more good than bad in ya?

Yeah...I'm flipping it over again. You can shoot me. Hit me with a cyber-mallet.

I'm worth it.

ROFL

And btw, for your perception to be that xH doesn't bring up YGF that much...to me, he sure did today.

Awareness of your choices is living one day at a time...knowing you OWN the day, in every way...choice by choice. 90% there...this is me bringing your focus back to the mystery of you...worth sleuthing, enjoying, revealing, considering.

Tell me, if he did want to reconcile...what would your boundary enforcements be in regards to drugs, depression, etc.?

Oh, and something I've been mulling...YGF is extremely needy...predatory neediness...has to be rescued (great disguise) in many ways...does this sound like the antithesis of you?

LA

P.S. Is "House" on your TIVO? Hmmm? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Jin,

Just letting you know that i am praying for you.

You will be ok....nah...more than ok.

keep strong.

Yep, I'm a sleuth... a LOT of what I do at work is sleuthing... troubleshooting, helping people figure out why and how, and a fix.

Yep it was *our* choice, XH and me, to open this business... OUR dream. Problem is now, *I* am the one saddled with 95% of the burden, but only 51% of ownership. The sweat equity was anticipated, but not to this extent.

And I do live by who I am, not what I'm feeling at a given moment.


This makes sense - and I agree.


No, I don't just want to reconcile because of how I feel today, or have been feeling. It's more than that. Because I believed when we married that it would be a lifetime commitment. Because I believed we would be partners for life. *We* chose to make a family together after lots of discussion and planning. We chose each other. It's hard to articulate but I think I understand what you're getting at and I do think I'm coming from the "right place" in that.


No, it's a lot more than that. Maybe I just come across wrong here at times.


That's discouragement speaking. I wish it was that easy to just give up and let it go.


No mallets here. I appreciate you picking my brain.

YES I am worth loving. Took me a LONG time to get to that point. Yep, I'm happy in my own skin. For many years I couldn't say that - but I came to that epiphany a long time ago. That could be why I initiated separation and divorce in the first place, because I felt I deserved better than I was being treated at the time. And I did. And I do.



Yep, he sure did. Showed me the pic, told me the particulars - then the subject was changed. Wonder if he was bragging or complaining? *g*


One day at a time is the only way we can live, isn't it? Can't live in the past, tomorrow is a mystery... just today.


He is already living within those boundaries now. He's been on meds for depression, stable for the last 2+ years. He knows he needs the meds to be able to function, took a while to find the right combo, but they work, and he knows he'll likely be on them for the rest of his life.

Drugs - I have the right to test him randomly, it's in the decree. I haven't tested him in nearly a hear - I see no need. He's tested clean each time I've sprung a test on him. I'm confident he's not using again - I can see it in his behavior if he is, and I've seen nothing that would give me reason to suspect. By his own admission the drugs contributed to his emotional problems, and he knows now that the stuff does more harm than the temporary "good" that a high gives him.

I would be mindful of these boundaries, but he has demonstrated for the last 2 years that he's living within those - by *his* choice.


Maybe. I've definitely become more independent over the years but I was never *that* needy. And yes, your opinion of GF mirrors mine (of course you've only heard my descriptions of her, but facts are facts). It puzzles me still that he'd have chosen somebody like that - however by his own admission (way back when), she was the first one that came along. He met her on a dating site, and she was the first one that didn't ask him for money on the first communication (she waited 4 months!). It's only my opinion, and I'm hardly unbiased *g*... but I think his own neediness blinded him to hers, and he allowed himself to get in over his head, financially and such.

The man I thought I knew wouldn't have chosen somebody like this. She chose him, and he went along with it.

I know this because I fell into the same hole. Somebody chose me (XBF), and I ran with it even though he wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Loneliness and neediness on our own parts led us to do things we normally wouldn't have chosen to do. I woke up though - that's the difference here and now.

I'm thinking that eventually *her* neediness will prompt her to move on and find another sucker. Given what I know of her past/track record, I'm surprised it has carried on as long as it has, but I suspect as long as there's some sort of benefit to her (I'm fairly sure he still pays for her cell phone and her daughter's), she'll hang on. When a better offer comes along, she'll drop him like a hot potato. Moving back home would free her up to make another conquest, but she's just going to sit back and take from him now, and do whatever until she finds the next ripe one.

Then XH will have to rebuild himself all over again. I'm seeing a bit of that in him now - he's starting to do things for himself - and that's a good thing.


Absolutely!!!! So is CSI!

JinGA

Thanks - prayers are *always* appreciated.

And yep, I *will* be OK. I *am* OK... I just have my moments *g*.

I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be.

JinGA

OK... taking a step towards moving on today.

Got your interest yet?!

As I've mentioned, I need/want to sell the business. I've had a prospective buyer on the burner for a few months now. We had some hypothetical discussions in mid February, and at that time he was interested but said it wouldn't be for a "couple of months"... fair enough, I had work to do to prepare anyway. In March/April we talked about it again. When I had the business taxes done, I had reports prepared for him to go over, and I contacted my business attorney to prepare a non-compete for him to sign.

At the end of May, he signed the non-compete and took the papers to peruse, and he was going to get with me on any questions/issues before making an offer. That's where I've been for the last 6 weeks. I spoke with him on June 27 to see if he was still interested, or what was happening. I don't want to seem pushy or desperate - but I need to get moving on this and if I can sell without paying a broker's commission it would be win/win for both of us. Plus the interested party would want to keep me on here - so that would be win/win too - I get to keep my job, doing what I love, and he'd pay me to do it.

Sounds great, right? That would also relieve XH of his duties here and free him up to do whatever, and we'd both (hopefully) have a few sheckles to our name after the store's debts are paid, and life moves forward.

Well the prospective buyer hasn't got back to me yet. I've left him 2 messages, Monday and today (Wednesday). He assured me that if he decided against the purchase, he'd let me know promptly. Again I don't want to seem desperate to sell the business, but I can't wait forever for him to make up his mind.

So... today I resolved to give this party til the end of the week. If by Monday morning I don't hear back from him, either to start negotiations or for him to decline and give my papers back, I'm going to start interviewing brokers. I was hoping to save the commission but not moving forward is costing me money too so I might as well bite the bullet. A broker may get me a better price too, even with the commission.

So that's a huge step forward that I'm about to take. The sale of the business has been something we decided upon 6 months ago - but in waiting for this interested party I've lost quite a bit of time. Perhaps I wasn't ready just yet... and I've been praying for guidance and for help to get done what I need to get done etc.

Now I feel that it's time to go or get off the pot, as it were. Funny - when I spoke with my prospective buyer 2 weeks ago, he asked me jokingly if I was asking him to go or get off the pot - and I said yes. Well it's been 2 weeks - either he wants to make an offer and has the means to do it, or he doesn't. I just want a firm answer from him before I proceed, and if I eventually have to go and knock on his door to ask him for my paperwork back, I will.

XH breezed by for about 2 minutes tonight - he had a rough day at work so he opted not to stay (wish I could just bug out after a rough day!!)... anyway I told him of my decision and he agrees.

It is definitely a part of moving on - I'm doing this because it is what I should be doing - but perhaps once he sees that I'm serious about all this (he hasn't done much toward selling the business, he almost seems to be dragging his feet), he will know for certain that *I* am prepared to move on, at least from the business.

Once that's done it will sever a tie between us - not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Until now I've been using our time here together to Plan A. Once the business is sold that connection will be ended, but I do need to move forward. At that point he can decide either to find other ways to be near me, or let me go - and I can be better able to go dark and let him go.

I just hope that no matter which way I have to go regarding the sale, that it doesn't drag out for many more months.

JinGA

Not at all what I said LA.

I'm going to be very busy at work today and don't have time to get caught up right now. But want to take some time to go back and see where I might have given the wrong impression.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

I didn't say it wasn't your choice to love your husband, Jin. I said it was okay to love someone who has left, that I have seen many remarriages where the ex said never, noway, nohow and then their feelings changed, as feelings often do.

I think you should go after what ever it is you want Jin, and I think a 180 is exactly what you should be doing. Attractiving him back to you by starting over with him as if he were a new guy you just met, and acting accordingly.

Unless I'm misunderstanding LA. Which is quite possible.

Is this what you meant to say LA? -

I'm hearing Weaver and BD say take your focus off of xH, not your choice to love.

With a comma, instead of a period? It changes the meaning quite a bit, so if that is it, I get it, and yes that is what I said.

It's really hard loving somebody who says he doesn't love you back - but his actions say otherwise.

Sometimes I think he's stepping towards me, other times he's most certainly stepping back.

I think a lot of what he's going through right now has little or nothing to do with me, insofar as his relationship with his GF is concerned, and that's still on his frontburner.

He's got 2 choices where she's concerned - move out there to be with her, or accept that it is what it is and move on. He can choose to carry on long-distance as he has been, but everybody knows that won't last - something has to change sooner or later. She tried it here - she didn't like it here, she went back.

So he's struggling between moving away from his children to be with her, her baggage, her kids, her family and friends, or accept that he's at a crossroads and let it go.

Heck I'd even feel better about things if he chose to move on with somebody else here locally (GAK! Did I just say that?!)... at least he'd still be around for his kids. Once the store is disposed of, then I could go dark.

None of that has anything to do with me - although *IF* there are still any lingering feelings for me, that might factor into the equation for him too, but he has told me it's just not there anymore. His actions speak differently. He's still one huge mess of mixed signals, indecision, and the walls are way up.

Right now I think the kids are the only thing that's keeping him here. At least that's the only thing he's admitted to, to me anyway.

I wish I could go dark. I wish I could just remove myself from the whole situation - that way if he does choose to go, I'll have already insulated myself from the shock and pain of that. And if he chooses to stay, for the kids, then contact would be limited to that - "kid stuff"... and then *IF* he comes around and decides it's worth one more go, I can be sure that he's sincere.

As it is right now, I'm here, I'm always here. Good old reliable JinGA. I was talking with Changd4ever in another thread on D&D and he said that he always knew in the back of his mind he could get his Ex back - and he's exploring reconciliation with her now, and what changed for him is that his XWW started being nice to him... I don't know if XH feels that way and is taking me for granted, but it's entirely possible, based on past experience. I've always been there for him - even when he and I were at odds with each other, I'd never kick him when he was down. He knows this. And yes, I've felt at times that I'm taken for granted. I understand how Plan B shows the WS that the BS isn't always going to be there for them, and protects what love may remain. I have plenty of love remaining, that's a mixed blessing for me these days.

If I could go dark, he'd really be without me in any sense.

It's selfish of me to say this - but I almost wish he would move away. I wouldn't want this *really* because our children would be devasted, but at selfish times I think that if he was 2000 miles away, I would be able to let go much more easily. Horrible thought.. but I'm confessing it here. I'd never tell my kids this, but I'm not so sure I wouldn't tell XH this, but there's no real reason to bring it up at present, unless he tells me he's thinking of moving again. I really don't want him to move away, but at times when I'm so frustrated and discouraged, I think about how much easier it would be in some respects.

But then I'd have to deal with the fallout with the kids, and I'd be devasted for them. This is so not about me - it's about the kids. What I want and wish for is one thing - but the kids cancel out my wants for the moment, their needs are paramount, and they NEED their father.

I've told him this - he already knows this and that's what he's conveyed to me is the main reason why he hasn't made any fast decisions. I just hope the FATHER and the MAN in him wins out over the MALE in him.

If he does choose to stay here, for the kids, then I will know he really is the man I thought he was. If he does choose to move away, then I'll know he isn't the man I thought he was, and that will make letting go a lot easier.

It sucks to be in this place... seems I have good days and bad days. Days when I think I've got a shot... that I've made some good Love Bank deposits and that maybe there is hope that eventually he'll come around, and there are other days when I wish I could just shut off my feelings for him forever - but I know I can't do that, so I have to learn to live with them, and it's hard.

JinGA

It takes time Jin. As long as you are moving forward with your life, even though you would like to get back with him, you will get to a place that is less an emotional roller coaster.

Try not to put him into any more situations where he has to say the words he doesn't think he will ever want to get back together. Don't put him in that position. Leave words of future talk out of it.

He is acting on feelings right now, and feelings can and often do change.

Don't go dark. It would serve you no purpose right now except to protect yourself from having hope. If it is so painful that you need to, than that is another story, but emotionally I don't think you could do it anyway.

Stick to your plan, knowing that his reactions will not be what you hope for, and don't change your plans based on these reactions.

You have a plan, you stick to it until you have given it enough time to see it is not bringing in the results you want and then you see how you need to change it up.

Hang in there. IT took me a long time to get over my DD's dad, and he wanted to get back together at one point but I had already made a decision not to by then. I became happy and didn't want to take a chance of heart ache again.

You'll become happy too, but you must make yourself do things that bring you happiness. Even if you are just going through the motions at first.

This is an option, but why don't you put it on the shelf for a couple of weeks and then take it out and look at it again to see if it is what you still want to do then.

Jin,
I just wanted to let you know that I can sympathize with your position. I am in the same boat, divorced but hoping for reconciliation. I am trying to "move on" (I hate that expression), but it seems fake to try and act like I am still not in love with my ex. People don't understand why I still love him and they are tired of hearing about it.

If we met today, I wouldn't be attracted to him, he has turned into a real putz. But there is still that attraction to the man that I knew. I keep waiting to see who ex is going to turn out to be. Maybe this is it, and it is such a waste of a good man.

Anyway, good luck to you.

I hope so. Like I said - there are good days when I'm ready to take on the world and win... and there are days when I just feel like crap. I'm in a "crap" cycle. That's why I'm talking it out here - somebody will help me snap back to reality. I have a couple of good girlfriends that have been my rock through the last few years too. I'm very grateful that God has provided me with a very generous support system.


I won't. And I haven't since I had that talk with him. No plans to do it again. At the time I felt I needed to be clear about my feelings since we seemed to have played hit and miss in the past. It was another miss - but he knows how I feel, he knows the ball is firmily in his court, and I'm not going to run to his side of the net and lob it back over again. I felt I needed to do that *once* now and leave it be. I'm leaving it be. And I'm not letting him see my "crap cycle"... keeping that to myself and sharing it here... he's only seeing the good stuff, I'm fighting out the bad stuff on my own - with a little help from my friends <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Feelings can make otherwise sane people, do insane things. Been there, done that myself...


It would be easier on me, that's for sure... but logistically I can't anyway, at least not yet, so it's kind of a non-issue for the moment. If/when I can get the business sold (that could be right around the corner or it could be months away), then it will be an option for me. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.


I am sticking to my plan, and I know not to have any expectations right now - but it does help to hear positive reinforcement from you. I keep thinking about "rocks in the river". I can't see any of the rocks yet...but I know they are down there.


I know there's no cookie cutter answer for how much time - that depends on many things. Any suggestions on changing it up? I feel like I'm doing all that I can at this point, and even that can be overwhelming at times.


You did not reconcile? I understand about not wanting to take a chance again - it's scary... but for me it's something I think I need to do. I've put it out there - if he doesn't reciprocate I just have to let it go at some point. I should let it go now - but I'm stuck, like I said.


I know I'll be OK. That's the one thing I've always known, and thus far I've been through some stuff, but I'm still standing. I knew from the beginning of the end of our M that I would be the one that would be more OK at the end of it than he is - and I've been true to that. Not an easy road that's for sure. And I am doing things for me, and for the kids... and sometimes it is just going through the motions, but more often than not, it is moving on.

I'll get there - just the road is a bumpy one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the lift - I needed that.

JinGA

That's just it - my H became a putz and that's why we divorced. I own my junk too - I was also a putz, but his illicit behaviors and refusal to address them were the last straw for me.

Since then he's changed. Given up those bad behaviors, got help that worked for his depression and he returned to being the attractive man I married. If he hadn't I wouldn't be having this conversation.

He's seen my changes - and acknowledged them.

If he were a complete stranger and I met him today, I'd be attracted to him. He's physically attractive to me (always has been) and we share a lot in common. We're well matched intellectually, and we share a lot of common interests. If he were a stranger and I wasn't so hung up on my Ex, I'd go for him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's what also makes it hard.

I *think* that he'd find me intriguing too if I were a stranger... for the same reasons. I don't know if I'm still physically attractive to him - but I used to be, even when my weight ballooned to something horrible. I've lost weight, kept it off. I'm not slim by anybody's definition but I keep myself well and I'm healthy looking. Another man was attracted enough to me to have a relationship with me, so I'm "good enough" and still working to improve.

We've actually been emailing today - I sent him an email about a client issue and it turns out he was going to take his vacation or whatnot... well that *also* conflicts with DD's b'day - so I think he's working on changing his dates (again!)... to accommodate for that. I'm glad he's willing to rearrange for DD - she deserves time with us all for her birthday. And I am kind of glad about the timing too - a little together time as a family for our kids' sake is a good place to make some love bank deposits.

JinGA

Realistically it's not an option right now because we both have to be active in the business. I'm doing all I can to get the business situation dealt with. Once that happens, then I will be in a position to choose to keep on with Plan A (albeit with much less contact, if any) or just go dark into Plan B.

I'm placing my trust in God to guide me here. I know the choices are mine to make but I need God's hand in where to go and how to get there. The business stuff could have been resolved months ago - if the prospective buyer had moved more quickly. I've got 3 calls in to him now, and meanwhile my business attorney is preparing a list of brokers to send me, and I plan to start shopping for a sale broker on Monday if I don't hear back from the other guy first.

It's go or get off the pot time. It could still take months to sell the business but I think as summer draws down it might be a good time to sell, and if we have to slug through the winter God willing, maybe in the spring - although fall is the busiest season here, it would be best to find a buyer now - for many reasons.

The good thing about keeping the business for the moment is that it gives XH and I time together, he's here for 12 hours on the weekends and anywhere from an hour to several hours during the week. During that time he does his thing and I do mine, but it gives us chances to talk about stuff - both business related and not business related. Gives me Plan A time with him. Once that is out of the picture, that restricts my reasons to be around him - and that will either cause him to miss me, or forget about it and move on.

Everything happens for a reason. I've been primed to sell the business for 6 months but didn't seek a broker because I thought I had a viable buyer at the ready - and I still might - but if he doesn't come forward with an offer soon, I'm going to write him off and look elsewhere. I still think this guy is interested, just the timing is frustrating.

I had that same problem selling my house when we moved here - I posted about that earlier in this thread... I know I just have to be patient and keep working at it and it will come in its time. Doing nothing is not an option - but I am doing what I can and God will take care of the rest.

That applies with everything in life - do my best and let God handle the rest... I just have to keep reminding myself of this.

JinGA

I didn't have MB back then, didn't have one single person in my life that knew anything at all about affairs. I went through so much crap when I was pregnant, even his affair partner calling me up to tell me she was making a baby quilt for his new baby. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Even my dad said "you don't get to pick and choose what days you will be an arshole, and what days you won't be. you either are or you are not" He didn't know about the mothership. What he said really stuck with me and I decided I could do a lot better without him making me hurt so bad all the time. Of course I was the typical BS, screaming, yelling or doing the opposite, or kicking him out every other month. IT was pure h*ll. One of the reasons I am so sure the MB way is the way to go.

He is very loyal, loving a great father now with his new wife and their two babies, so it wasn't a character thing with him. Thank God for my little girls sake.

Well it's nice to know that you have a good friendship with him now. That's so important for the kids.

Sorry things didn't work out for you though - this place is a Godsend.

I did come here years ago when things started going wrong - but I don't think I was ready to hear the advice given. That is my fault. I should have stuck with it, although the marriage wasn't ending because an affair. I've learned here that mental illness and addiction put a crimp in the Plans so perhaps at the time they may not have worked anyway. I didn't stick around long enough to let the good stuff here sink in - that's my fault.

I'm glad I did come back though - and the people here have been warm and welcoming and supportive - this place has helped me through some rough stuff the last few months.

JinGA