Well that's it for birthdays til his in October. That's OK. I don't want to force things or rush things. In the meantime, he's got his 'vacation' (if it happens - he'll get the time off but we'll see if he does end up going out there or not <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) and then the kids get a week off in September (weird school calendar here). I made him aware of that so if he wants to do something with the kids, he can.

He also mentioned yesterday, that he will be taking a business trip sometime in the near future. The company he works for was based here, but merged with another with the new head office being out of state. He is the only Level 3 engineer that hasn't gone to the head office yet. He doesn't know when he's going but he'll have about a week's notice when he does. I'm wondering if it will conflict with his vacation? He seemed to indicate it was imminent because it came up when we were discussing an issue involving a client that he'll have to do an out-call for sometime after next Tuesday. His vacation is in just under 3 weeks... wouldn't that be something if it conflicted?! Oh well - not my issue to be concerned with at this point, except where his absence will affect the business.

It was *so* nice all of us here. Very comfortable, very familiar. I mean home is home to me - I love being at home with my kids. Before, when I was troubled, I used to stay at work extra hours - just because. Now, home is my sanctuary, and I can't wait to leave work and come home - my kids and I sit and talk for ages, we watch TV together, home is comfort, home is safe. It was all that and more last night.

I wish Pepperband was still here. When I started this thread, right after I had "the talk" with XH (a month ago now), she said it was good - that this created a state of conflict and drew him out of withdrawal. I keep thinking of her words and I hope that this good time over the weekend, last night in particular, creates *more* conflict for him.

On one hand, he knows how I feel - I want him home, I want him, WE want him - all 3 of us. Then he's got the GF that moved away from him but won't quite let go. She's got her kids, her issues, her kids' issues. When she called last night I didn't hear much of the conversation but the tone of his voice sounded like she was either complaining to him about something or expressing concern or whatever, and he offered up this or that, then he "got rid" of her pretty quickly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So he's got home which was warm and inviting, familiar and comfortable, and GF's natterings. Not much of a choice, IMO but matters of the heart are seldom that simple.

I'm hoping that he's thinking of these things alone in his apartment... contemplating. I know I'm not supposed to be focused so much on what he is or isn't doing, and I'm not going to sit here and dwell on it (DS and I are likely going out geocaching in a bit), but I do wonder if he *is* at all conflicted.

I'm just going to sit back for a bit and see what, if anything, happens next. Of course if he *wants* more time with us, all he needs to do is ask... and I think he knows this if I was clear enough last month when we talked.

Another funny thing happened today. Before work I dropped DD off at school to leave for 5 days of band camp. Her first time away from us for 5 days without being with a family member... I was a bit emotional about that but I didn't cry or anything. Well shortly after I got to work my friend called - she couldn't go out but her DD forgot her change purse with her pin money in it - so I asked XH if it was OK if I ran the errand. Turns out I missed the bus' departure by 5 minutes. That's OK my DD had lots of snacks and some extra pin money so she'll share <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyway when I found I'd missed the bus I called my friend to tell her and reassure her that my DD will take care of hers (they are best friends and rooming together at camp). I was still on the phone with her when I returned to work, and XH came into the room while I was describing how things were at the Harry Potter event on Friday night (her DD was with us)... I was complimenting the store on how well-run the event was etc., XH had heard me tell him the same story yesterday. Anyway, while I was on the phone, he came up to me and asked, "Who are you on the phone with?"

I told him ... but I wondered why he's so curious? Could it be that little jealousy thing again? He wasn't hostile when he asked - just nosey <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He makes phone calls all the time - I never ask him who he's on the phone with (I'm doing a 180...)... and furthermore it's really none of my business.

I just found it interesting that he was so curious suddenly about who I was speaking with. Maybe he's worried that somebody "else" may be lurking on the horizon? There isn't - but if he thought there was I wonder if he'd speak up, or back away again?

I halfway thought of fibbing and telling him some random male name... but I don't like games and I hate lies worse than anything, and I wasn't going to tell him to mind his own business... I just thought it interesting. My friend that I was speaking with, did too.

I feel that this weekend *was* a step closer for him. A step closer to our kids, a step closer to me. I'm glad there's a huge contrast between GF and me. Listen to her complain - or spend a nice time with his family, in his HOME. Conflict. I hope there's lots and lots of conflict. That's the surest path back to intimacy.

They say, "Always leave them wanting more." I hopefully accomplished that.

Oh and one other thing that made my weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday, clients noticed that I've lost weight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I've only lost a few lbs, but it must show. XH wasn't in earshot when both people mentioned it to me, but I've had a bunch of such compliments lately. Last week I called on a client to pick up a check - she hasn't seen me in a while and she noticed too. Wish the scale had "nicer" numbers, but they are a bit nicer than they had been - only a handful of pounds, but if people are noticing, that's nice for my ego!

I'm trying to dress a bit nicer. During work I have company-issue golf shirts and tees but on weekends sometimes I wear a nice sleeveless blouse- a bit dressier. And I'm wearing capris (where I come from/my age) we called them pedal pushers - instead of walking shorts. Maybe the 'lost weight' is just because I'm dressing a bit nicer. I work in a very casual environment but stepping it up just a bit makes me feel good!

So that's where I'm at today. We meet the business broker tomorrow afternoon. The shop is closed and the meeting coincides with XH being on his way home from work. I have a good feeling about all that, and hopefully things will start moving forward in that regard.

It's funny - when I had "the talk" with XH I'd talked about how for too long we both spent too much time at work and not enough time with each other and family, and that if/when the business was sold, that would change. One thing that GF had "over" me was that she was home 24/7 (opposite extreme IMO). Maybe I'll be a bit more appealing to him too when I'm not chained to the shop so much.

I'm content with the weekend. I'm glad that DD had all that she wanted and more for her b'day. I'm glad we all had a good time, and a good meal together. If it be God's will, perhaps we'll have more times like that at some future point.

JinGA

This morning I emailed XH a few pictures from the weekend, including one of DD's departure for band camp (I dropped her off, he wasn't there).

I also sent them to his parents, and thanked them for the card they sent to DD and explained that she is gone to camp so we celebrated a bit early.

XH looks so relaxed sitting at our table at home *sigh*.

JinGA

He will realize what he's lost when it isn't so readily available to him. I'm sure that spending time with the GF will give him the contrast he needs to see. I don't understand why he doesn't wake up, but I hope he does.

Good luck to you. I wish I got along with my ex this way, but it's pure poison right now.

Well that's why I've been playing it cool. DD's b'day was a good "taste" of what he is missing, just like DS's was 3 months ago. However 3 months ago, GF had only left a week or so prior, so the reality of that hadn't set in for him yet. Now more time has passed, and it's close enough to his vacation that it should still be somewhat fresh in his mind if/when he goes out there in a couple of weeks or so.

He knows he can come to me if he wants "more" - he knows the ball is in his court. I'm just going to let that sit for a while - let it go and carry on doing what I've been doing.

I thought it funny that he was so curious as to whom I was talking to on the phone yesterday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> If he doesn't 'care', why ask?

I am comfortable right now - feeling that I am right where I need to be. A friend sent me a St. Terese prayer this morning - I'm Catholic and St. Terese holds a lot of significance for me. I forwarded the prayer to several others - including XH. Normally I don't forward prayers to him - he isn't Catholic but attended Church with us for many years and he knows her significance to me. I don't know why I was moved to send him that prayer this morning, but I did. He may just delete it without reading it - that's OK. I know that sometimes I pray for "signs" to guide me - maybe if he's looking for a sign, God moved me to send him one, without being overt about it. If not, no harm can come from offering a prayer for somebody.

If he wants more - he can ask. If he doesn't - well life goes forward, doesn't it?

JinGA

Jin,

How about a thank you note to XH? He fixed things he didn't have to...I'm sure you verbalized your thanks...just wondered since you acknowledged the in-laws card, why not XH's gifts of repair, presence...appreciation thereof?

And I'm wondering...about him coming to the dinner in a nice shirt...why not believe him that he was out of clean laundry? He worked on a grill in a nice shirt. Did you admire how he looked aloud to him? Rather than, "why the dress up?" or whatever...admiration...that part of Plan A you're mixing with the 180?

You appreciate others sharing their admiration, acknowledgment (like how you look slimmer, that they like your look)...are you doing this, also, with XH? Simply stated...sharing your opinion, awareness...acknowledgment...not judgment?

I like how you understand how much you contrast YGF...be wary of this choice, though. She is nothing compared to you, 'k? Please remember that. You are real. You remain real. Know this in yourself. You were his wife, are the mother of his children. I love how you related how much your family desires to be intact again...really got that wholeness desire, from your heart. That radiates, Jin. Please know that, as well.

Sounds to me like you felt good about your choices, your ideas and your awareness over the weekend. Solid recognition there, too. This is just me, pointing out the balance...both ways. And appreciating your updates, your posts...your journey.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

I thought about that... I have sent him thank-yous before and yes I verbalized it but not in writing. I suppose I missed a chance to do that when I sent him the pictures... would doing so now be awkward or seem forced? Maybe - maybe not - but I think I will send him a short note of thanks. He loves appreciation but he isn't good at accepting it, but that's OK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> No response from him is required.


When I noticed the shirt a few minutes after he arrived, I told him, "You look nice." So yes - admiration. He responded to that with the bit about no clean laundry. Again - he thrives on appreciation (he has told me many times in the past how he never felt appreciated, even though I was aware and tried very hard to always express appreciation)... he may love appreciation but he is not gracious about accepting it. I took the comment about no clean laundry as "typical" for him. To me, it would be better just to say, "Thank you" and be gracious - but I have to admit myself that it took me a long time to be able to learn to accept praise or compliments. Now I *do* say thank you if somebody gives me a kind comment. I think he appreciated the comment, just doesn't quite know how to say thanks and leave it at that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I didn't ask him why he dressed up. I simply told him he looked nice. (And he did.... is it warm in here?!)


Yep, sure am! See my previous comments on grace.


Darned skippy, LA! She's not even in the same league as me, and I've known that from day 1. Yeah I've had my bouts of insecurity when I have wondered *why* he'd choose her over me and our family - but I also know that's *his* problem, not mine! Call it fog, call it whatever - but anyone who knows us can see it, and I sure can. Maybe I sound a bit conceited - but I'm a catch <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I actually felt good about everyone's choices, not just my own. I was very pleased that XH opted to come to the house instead of the 'public' place that DD had suggested with all sensitivity to her father perhaps not wanting to be here - but *he* chose, and I was very happy to accommodate. When XH expressed concern about the pool being packed, I told DD that we could still go to the pool if we wanted, but if she wanted to consider the movie plan as a backup, we could do that - and we all chose to agree to that, and it went really well I think.

Yep, it's a journey alright - but I think I'm slowly starting to 'get it'. That last 10% may be tough, but I think it's starting to gel, and I *am* letting things go so that they can progress as they will, and carrying on with my kids in the meanwhile.

JinGA

I did just send him an email of thanks:


Maybe that will give him a reason to just smile. I don't expect a response - none is needed.

JinGA

Just came home from our meeting with the brokers we will likely hire to sell our business.

They are still crunching numbers, so I don't know what selling price they will come up with, but it will likely be a far cry from what our CPA felt it was worth.

Now, I thought the CPA was a bit, umm "optimistic" about what he thought the business was worth, but I think the broker(s) is/are perhaps a bit pessimistic. If I don't like what they come up with, I may interview another broker or two.

I know what it takes to start a business such as mine, and if their "suggested" price of a 5-years established business is equal to or less than the typical startup cost for the same, I'm going to go elsewhere. Why should we sell 5 years of blood, sweat and tears for no return? We have debt, we need to cover that but after 5 years of work it should be reasonable to expect some money left over after the debts are paid - particularly when the debts are about equal to what a startup would cost. We've got 5 years' of customers, customer database, online presence... sheesh it *has* to be worth more than the startup budget for somebody starting cold.

When the brokers left, XH went to tend to something and as he did he called out, "Well *that* was discouraging." I took a moment to myself and when I came back to the room where he was, I said, "I liked the CPA's numbers better!"

XH didn't stay long after the brokers left - but as he left, he told me not to get discouraged.

*THAT* was huge. Bigger than huge. Gigantic, ginormous huge. You all have NO IDEA how huge. Those few words of encouragement... OMG.

The store was *our* dream together. It even remained so after we split. It stayed this way until he bowed to pressure a year ago (almost a year to the day actually) from GF to quit working in the business. He came back in January because I needed the help, but even a couple of months after that he'd made it clear to me that he was ONLY here to get it disposed of (words said in anger, but he said them anyway). For the entire 5 years we've been in business I have been the one to bear the burden of managing the finances (I did so in our marriage too - he never wanted to know). He enjoys and did enjoy the work - but he never worried about all that pesky admin stuff and there were times when I think he thought I was "cooking the books" (right - my mattress is filled with skimmed cash - NOT!).

Anyway - today, when he said those words of encouragement, this is the FIRST TIME in a very, very long time, that I feel like we are in this *together*. I'm a bit discouraged, but I'm not alone. He and I will get this done together.

For a long time I felt like he was resentful of the business - like it was all "my fault" that we'd made this venture - but we did in fact make it *together*, and together we need to make it sink or swim. Today those little words told me that he's *with* me in this, not against me.

I can't tell you how much better I feel about it.

Before he left, I reminded him of how long it took to sell our house back home - and that in the end it all became clear that God's timeline didn't jive with ours, but the reason became apparent at the end of it. Hopefully that encouraged him too. It will all turn out as it should and I'm placing my faith in God to take care of it, while *we* do our best to move it forward.

One other thing - the broker referred to me twice, when addressing XH, as "your wife". XH didn't correct him. Neither did I. It would have only made things awkward I suppose - I had told the other broker that we were divorced - she didn't correct her associate either, maybe she didn't remember.

Even if it was erroneous, it was kind of nice to be referred to as his wife again. It actually happens quite frequently but usually when he's not around. I half expected him to correct the broker - but he didn't on either occasion. He didn't seem rattled by it either.

Maybe that's a sign too.

It will all turn out as it should... it will all turn out as it should...

JinGA

One other thing I forgot to mention. When I was leaving, XH asked if DS and I had been out geocaching today. I said no, that we might go out this evening. I'd been in to work earlier in the day and didn't want to be late for the meeting so rather than rush around, I just spent a few quiet hours at home (I didn't go into great detail with XH about how I actually did spend the day.)

Is it a good thing that he's asking about what I'm doing? Previously he never asked, never seemed to care. I'd tell him about stuff the kids and I have done - but on the advice of some here, I haven't been as generous with info unless the situation arises that it's a good thing to talk about what I do and where I go.

Is his new found curiosity a good thing? Asking me yesterday who I was on the phone with, asking if I went out with DS today... could that mean he actually cares??

I could use some opinions there...

JinGA

Not a whole lot new to report today. I'm still waiting for a follow-up from the business broker. DS and I went out geocaching for a good part of the afternoon (today is my short day at work), after I had computer problems at the shop which necessitated me calling XH for assitance this morning. Got that sorted out, spent my free time out and about, came in to work about 2 hours ago.

XH stopped in for his usual evening "driveby" it was busy so he stayed for about 40 minutes to help out during the rush and left a short time ago.

Something is "different". It's nothing I can really put my finger on - but it's different. More relaxed (him)... more... dare I say - INTIMATE. We've always been able to share inside jokes, "regional" jokes (stuff from back home)... stuff like that. But today he seemed to stand a bit closer, make a bit more eye contact... I don't know exactly, just stuff like that. Maybe it's just me wishful thinking but he seems more at ease, more relaxed. He was standing behind the counter trying to ring up a client while I helped another outside with some stuff and he tapped on the window for me to hurry because he's out of his element behind the register. When I came in to take his place there, he didn't move away right away. I gently touched his back as I squeezed behind him - he kind of jumped a bit <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I've touched his back before recently when I come up behind him to do something and I want him to be aware that I'm there (and not back into me or whatever). I've read that touching can be a good thing. As long as I don't overdo it, I'm sort of returning to old habits that way. It's not inappropriate touching - but it's something that I avoided doing in the past - now I'm just not worrying about it, if that makes any sense.

Like I said - it's just a bit "different" with him right now - and I can't quite figure out why I am thinking that it is. He mentioned to me tonight that he thinks he may be becoming lactose intolerant. He's mentioned this to me before, when he eats ice cream he gets a stomach ache. I acknowledged what he said and also that he'd mentioned it before. Then I asked him if his stomach was upset after being at my place and having ice cream the other night. He said no, perhaps it has more to do with the *quantity* of ice cream he eats alone (LOL!) and we laughed a bit about that. I guess he had a good chow-down on ice cream at home alone last night and overnight and today he's "paying" for it - but he wasn't grumpy or miserable - just kind of matter-of-fact about it.

We didn't talk a whole lot about anything else - it was too busy. A veterinarian client of ours was in and did overhear us talking about some strange parasites we found on a fish - the one I mentioned a week or so ago when we were communing over the microscope trying to figure out what they were. We joked with the vet - "we're not doctors and we don't play them on TV" - the client got a chuckle out of that but he was interested in our findings so we talked "technical" about that a bit.

I've got 2 more hours to work and about 3 hours' worth of work - typical <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Tomorrow and Thursday are my long days at work so I'll pace myself tonight and I'll have lots of time tomorrow to get the grunt work done.

I may be imagining things, but I *think* he's slowly beginning to move a bit closer to me. One thing I do know - if.. *IF* he did ever come to a point where he was open to reconciling, it would not be an instant thing. VERY slowly... perhaps he's testing the waters a bit, or letting himself feel a little bit to see how he likes it. Whatever is going on, I'm going with the flow. Smiles, eye contact, a gentle touch if/when appropriate, knowing laughs... all that good stuff. Heck - it *feels* good!

JinGA

Well last night after work DS and I ran out to find a new geocache that had just been placed, and we missed being first to find by about an hour - darned work! Oh well we weren't "first" but the hunt is always fun. We'd been out earlier in the day and had only been 3/5, so we ended up 4/6 for the day.

Today is one of my long days at work. It's slow... so slow. I'll be glad when the kids are back in school because that's typically when business picks up again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Just waiting on the delivery truck to arrive, and 2 more hours til I can go home.

It's "pizza night" - we trade services with a guy who owns a pizza place - so in lieu of cash payment, we get pizza/calzones. XH came in for about an hour - he was puttering at some work but "waiting" for his pizza. He decided to go home, and I'll call him when his food arrives.

He said he's tired - didn't get to sleep til late last night. He looks tired today. He seemed a bit subdued today, he hasn't been like that for a while, but he just chalked it up to being tired (I inquired but didn't pry).

If the food arrives near closing time, perhaps I'll offer to deliver it - he can meet me at the gate to his apartment complex. If it's here sooner, he can come and get it I suppose. I know I'd rather not have to schlep out again if I didn't have to.

We did chat a bit - I told him of our "caching adventure" last night and how we were "robbed" of the first-to-find bragging rights. He laughed. I don't know if it's "in plan" to be telling him about my activities - but I figure it at least lets him know that *I* am out having a life. He wasn't overly talkative tonight so I didn't push.

Tomorrow DD comes home from band camp and XH will pick her up on his way home - her arrival back at school coincides with his commute time. I miss DD - I sent her with a cell phone but she hasn't called, and the phone is off otherwise - I'm sure she's too exhausted to call - or she might be spending her free time on the phone with her boyfriend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm eager to spend tomorrow night at home hearing *all* about her last 5 days at camp!

DS and I have had some good mom/son time together - geocaching, or just at home talking and watching TV. I really enjoy my kids - if there's one thing we did right, it was how we've raised our kids. In spite of all the crap in the past, our kids amaze me. They really are the light of my life.

That's about all of today's news. Still here - still hangin' in, still pushing forward.

JinGA

Well last night was kind of weird. The food arrived about 40 minutes before closing time. I called XH to come and get his - no answer. Waited 20 minutes, called again - again no answer.

I took his stuff home so I could put it in the fridge - I figured if he didn't get it last night it would spoil at the shop. About half an hour after I got home, he called. He'd fallen asleep and had just woken up. He came to the house and got his food - picked it up at the door.

Today DD comes home from band camp - I've missed my girl!

JinGA

Telling stories that make him laugh is very attractive.

I keep thinking you should throw some mystery into the mix, though. But then I am not sure as you had been involved with someone in the past.

What do you think?

I think so too - I'm just at a loss as to "how" to provide mystery. I did mention that the other player who found the hide before us is a man - his name is Brian. I've never actually met Brian, but we've missed each other a number of times while out playing the game. We've emailed a couple of times - about hides that one couldn't find but the other did - for hints and such. That's all it is - game-related stuff and I have no intention of carrying it any further. I've emailed with other players too - some I've met, some I haven't.

I do plan to go to a group event on Aug 4th, and I may ask to get off work a half hour or so early. If I can't leave early I'll still go, I'll just arrive a bit late. DS wants to go, not sure about DD yet - but if/when I ask XH if I can leave early (he'll have to cover for me) I probably won't be very specific about where I'm going.

On one hand I do want to be a bit mysterious - but on the other hand if he thinks I may be looking for someone or be interested in someone, I might shoot myself in the foot. He's not the type that would come forward at that point to pull me back to him - he's the sort that will admit defeat and walk away - and that's what he did before.

I don't want to repeat that and miss an opportunity. So I'm content right now, living each day, doing things I find fun, sharing a bit of that with him via anecdotes and continuing on. He can see I'm not sitting at home waiting for him to call - I'm getting on with life and I'm doing fun stuff that just *maybe* he'd like to be a part of.

I could be so bold to ask him if he wants to join us at the group event - and I might. And if I don't ask - it's not because I'm afraid he'll say no. I just don't know if I want to invite him just now. Call it being mysterious and doing my own thing. When I ask him for the time off - if he expresses an interest I may ask him - but I may just decide not to and leave him wishing I had *g*. Different motivation than "what if he says no?"... hope I'm clear on that. (LA if you're reading... hope you understand my meaning here).

I've also thought about asking him more about his hobby - ghost hunting. Since he bought that camcorder for that purpose, he's used it to take pictures at DD's birthday and of a client's setup, but I don't think he's gone out ghost hunting at all yet. He took DS with him out one night but it started storming before the got where they were going, so they abandoned that attempt.

I'd like to ask him questions about it, and express an interest in joining him on an expedition - but I don't want to push or "invite myself". So perhaps I'll just ask a few questions and somehow let him know I find it fascinating (although I'm more of a skeptic - but I still find the idea interesting)... and leave it there with him. Then he'll know that I would be interested in joining him if he decides to ask. After all he can't go with GF if she's not here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And I imagine such a hobby isn't very fun to do alone.

What do you think?

JinGA

Yes, probably best to leave that kind of mystery out of the picture then.

But there are other types of mystery.

Not being obvious about wanting to get back together is one.

Not jumping to take all his phone calls.

Being happy and whisling or humming for no reason.

Making the house look and smell beautiful. Planting fresh plants and flowers outside.

All the while not acting like you want so much to get back together, but still being very charming and attractive.

I think this is what you are doing, but wanted to give you a chance to keep talking it out here.

A lot of people attract their ex husbands back, or soon to be ex husbands, so if that is what you want it is possible. But you have to be happy regardless of whether it happens or not, so just have some fun with it.

That's my .02 for the day Jin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well aside from me telling him a month ago that I hoped that one day he'd want to come home again (so I was *clear* and unambigous before I left it in his court) - I haven't hung on the "I want to get back together" thing. I stated my case - he listened, that discussion is over unless he brings it up again, period.

As for the rest - that's pretty much what I'm doing. Humming along, doing my thing for me and for the kids... he's on the sidelines. He can join the game if he wishes - he knows that much is welcome but I'm not beating that drum at all anymore. I said what I had to say so he would be aware, and that was that. I told him then, that my life goes on one way or another - with or without him and that I'm good on my own - so he knows and sees that too.

What I've seen of him - he's stagnating. That's fine - that's his choice to make. I'm not sitting around <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There's a lot of living to be done, and I'm doing it.

As for phone calls etc., there really aren't calls without a specific purpose. If either of us calls the other it has to do with the business or the kids. We don't call each other just to talk. So not answering him if/when he calls would be a bad thing. We don't call each other very often. Most of our communicating outside of the shop is by email - for example he asked me to remind him today to pick up DD on his way home. I sent him a note to that effect, and in passing I asked how his pizza was - he replied that it was excellent. That's about it.

Yep, I'd love for him to want to get back together - coming home wouldn't be 'instant'...it would take working up to that point. I've sort of set myself a mental timeline that I'm willing to leave the door open for, and if that deadline passes, I'll close that door in my heart.

Meanwhile, I'm continuing on as I should - with or without him. I'm fine, the kids are fine. Life is good.

JinGA

OH MY GOSH...

I was just asked out on a DATE. And NO, not by XH. The new owner of the convenience store across the parking lot from my shop! And NO this is NOT a good thing... nevermind the fact that I'm not interested in dating anyone right now except XH if he so desired... this guy is totally not my type.

A few weeks ago he asked me for help with a betta fish that the last owner left - water in the fish bowl was yucky so I brought it over to my shop and took care of it for him. Now he displays the fish where all can see... he was so grateful he gave me whatever I was buying that day for free, even though I told him "you're welcome" and no payment was needed (5 minute job).

Well yesterday when I went in, he was sort of uber-friendly. I didn't think too much of it but he was stammering over his words. English isn't his first language. While I was there I ran into a lady I know and we chatted a bit and I took the opportunity to "escape" Mr. Tongue-tied convenience store owner.

Well I just went in and he's all smiles, gave me a compliment and I thanked him - he said I seemed like a generous person etc. THEN he said, "I would like to have some food with you." - I didn't catch his meaning at first then he went on, "Dinner or lunch, with you?"

I was so flabbergasted I didn't know what to say or do. I told him I couldn't do lunch because I work alone - so he offered to bring me lunch. I told him I'll think about it.

OMG - what to do? I'm 40 years old - I can't remember the last time somebody ever asked me out on a date! At least not somebody I was interested in, who was interested in me too - and usually I did the asking! Even the relationship I had post-M started off as a business acquaintance and progressed by just talking from there - never has anybody ever just asked me out, out of the blue.

I don't want to go out with this guy - I don't want to be unkind either. I guess if he asks again I'll tell him no thank you but appreciate the offer.

Yikes - I never saw *that* coming!

JinGA

This day just keeps on getting weirder.

I got a call from the business broker we met with Monday. She proposes we list the business for sale for the value of its assets. That's less than half than what a new startup from scratch would cost if somebody were to start a business like mine from zero.

No freaking way. If I want to close down and sell off the assets I can do that without a broker.

They didn't consider any of the intellectual property - 1500+ clients (repeat clients, I might add - ongoing clients), the service end of the business, the online presence... all they looked at was "numbers".

How can a 5-years established business be worth less than half of one that hasn't been built yet?

I'll be looking for another opinion tomorrow.

XH came in while I was on the phone with the broker. I was also doing some grunt work while on the phone and he asked me what I was doing... jokingly I asked, "what does it look like I'm doing?" - he wanted to know who I was on the phone with (again)... I was on my cell, not the store phone.

He overheard enough of my conversation to know who I was on the phone with. When I got off the phone, just based on my half of the conversation he said, "Screw that".

He told me again, not to get discouraged (these are very powerful words for me, coming from him) and *he* reminded *me* that "everything happens for a reason." I told him that I keep telling myself that. His words were comforting. Honestly we'd be better off sticking it out in the business and trying to pay down the debt like we've been doing but with sluggish summer sales I haven't gained any ground the last few months.

I'm certainly not going to sell for less than I have into the place. I can't believe that. At least he agrees with me.

Afterward, before he left, he mentioned that he was sleepless again last night. Said he was watching a show on ghost hunting so I took that opportunity to ask some questions and express an interest in "experiencing" that. I didn't come out and ask to join him - not up to me to invite myself. I asked if he'd been out yet (with his camera) and he said no he hadn't. Then I asked if he had ever called our trade broker about tickets that were available for 'ghost tours' across town and he said, "No, not yet."

When he talked about the show I listened attentively and asked questions, and listened carefully to his answers. He seemed to enjoy the attention (he always does).

He didn't stay but about half an hour - he said he needs to eat and get a good night's sleep - I joked and said, "You said that last night!" and he said, "Yeah, well..." Then we bid each other good night.

So goes another wacky day in my world.

JinGA

It's hard to tell you what to do. I feel as if the absence of your contact would make him see what he's missing. Being mysterious can simply mean not involving him in things and informing him of the little things in your life.

Part of me thinks your regular contact is good.

The other part of me says that going dark will get him back sooner rather than later.

I wish my ex and I got a long like you and him do. I don't want her back by any means. I just wish we could get along that way. It would be easier on the kids.

But that would mean she was rational as well and willing to let me see the kids whenever. Not so.

I did write her an "Olive Branch" email. I posted it here for input but haven't gotten any. I did send it, but took out some of the DJs in the email. I made it friendlier and emphasized how I hoped we could start over and just change our tone.

Your input on that is welcome.

Ghost hunting sounds interesting. I'm a skeptic as well, but do find it interesting even if it can be explained psychologically.

As far as your dating goes: Is he not your type because of looks? If he's not unattractive, I'd say give him a shot. If he's not your cup of tea, I would simply say thanks and that you're very flattered but that you're not interested. Might even say something like "My boyfriend would get jealous if I said yes."

Your call on which to use.

It does feel good to be asked out, though.

Tell or not tell - doesn't seem to make much difference. He's not opposed to asking - and I'm not into games so if I'm asked, I'm honest.


Me too, especially since contact with GF is limited to phone/online, and with his schedule and the time difference, that doesn't make for much of a 'life'.


Well at this point it's not an option... but sometimes I think yes, sometimes I think no. Like if I go dark he's just going to disappear. I don't know if that's true or not... but like I said, I can't even experiment with it right now because of the business.


Well I've been mad as heck at times, there were times when I never thought I'd ever want to get back together with him, but for the most part we've always been amicable. That makes it easier - but it also makes it harder. Still I'd prefer amicable over hostile any day.


It's wrong to use the kids as weapons - I'm sorry you're being put through that.


Send me a link and I'll give it a read <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Exactly. XH's attitude is somewhat similar. He's somewhat of a skeptic too - but he says you need to be in order to rule out everything *but* the paranormal if you film or experience something. It's not something I'd pick up on my own, but I'd be happy to go on a hunt just to try if he ever asked me.


Looks aren't all that to me - sure they're a factor but I don't think they are in my top 5. My biggest issue is that the man can barely speak English. If I can't have an intelligent conversation using words with more than 2 syllables, then forget it. If he asks again I will thank him for the compliment, but politely decline.


Yes in a way - but in another way I was mortified!

JinGA