Dang, just had another brown-out here. That's tough on my life-support systems here (for fish, not people!)... only minor spillage - half the power was off, half was on and that made things interesting.

It all came back up about half an hour ago. Then my receipt printer wouldn't work... but I fiddled with that and got it fixed.

5 years in this location and have never had anything really happen like this - the odd storm/power failure but that's to be expected - this brown-out stuff is messing with me because you don't know what's going to stay on and what is going to go off - and whether it will stay that way.

It has happened 3 times now in the last week! OY!

I did respond to "B"'s email and said that dinner tomorrow night would be nice... we'll see what happens. Stay tuned!

JinGA

Well "B" and I went out for dinner last night. We had a great time - he's very nice, and I love his traditional manners.

We talked at great length, and we enjoyed each other's company.

I definitely see him calling me for a second date <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

And so begins more conflict.......

Maybe it's time for another new thread... I need to do some thinking. While I still feel what I feel for XH, I have to admit it was extremely nice to be taken out and treated like a lady, and enjoy the company of someone who seems genuinely interested in more than just himself. It's been a long time.

Taking things one day at a time - it's all I can do. But I certainly have some thinking to do.

JinGA

Glad to hear that you had a nice time Jin! It sounds like this experience might help you to put your feelings for XH into a different perspective. At least an additional one...

Sounds awesome! When's the wedding? Picked a caterer yet?

Ok, I'm being silly. I think it's great to get out and it is a big confidence booster.

Give us details! What did you talk about? Is he old fashioned? What did you eat?

Well we've had a second date now too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes, it's prompting me to rethink a lot of things - but it's way too soon to make up my mind about anything and set it in stone.

Friday night he had suggested a seafood restaurant. I'm not big on seafood (I have allergies to most seafood except plain old fish)... but IME most seafood places have "other" stuff. I had Chicken Alfredo and it was excellent.

He chose the restaurant for several reasons - of course he likes seafood (and hoped I would)... he's a contractor and he helped build the place... and it has a large aquarium in the lobby and since that's what I do for a living, he thought I might appreciate that. I did. While we waited to be seated we looked at the tank and he asked me questions about it. (I'd actually wanted to bid on that job when the place was being built!).

We arrived at the restaurant at the same time, he opened the door for me (the last man I was involved with would hold it open while HE walked in first - that bugged me!)... we had a nice dinner and talked about anything and everything. We were the last ones out of the restaurant, talking long after the dishes were cleared. Then we stood talking in the lot for a long while - we were the last to leave the lot!

When I get nervous I tend to become a motor mouth... I was worried that I'd do that and even confessed that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> He said he was the same. We talked, but neither of us went overboard - we just had a lot to say to get to know each other a bit better. We share quite a few common interests, but we're from somewhat different worlds. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

I was a LOT nervous about "good night"... I'm pretty conservative and old-fashioned and since I haven't dated since I was a teenager (and often young men expect some sort of 'payoff' after spending money on dinner!!!!!!!) I wasn't sure what was appropriate, but he gave me a nice hug, and we said good night. Whew... no pressure.

The next morning I was going to drop him an email to thank him for the lovely evening but I was very busy very early at work. Before I got a chance to peck out a few lines, he emailed me to thank me for the nice evening <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (Woohoo points!). I replied in kind.

He phoned me Saturday evening and we talked for a while - my kids started razzing me about not applying the same rules to myself as I apply to them vis a vis the phone *g*.

He invited all of us to cook out in a park by the lake last night. Now normally I wouldn't even consider introducing my kids to someone I would date (hypothetically since I haven't really dated - but it was something I decided to do that way) - but they'd already met him at the group geocache event a few weeks before.

So last night after I finished work, we met at the picnic area about 10 minutes from home. He brought everything - food, grill, drinks, dessert... Other than help carry the items from his truck to the picnic table, I didn't have to lift a finger - he took care of everything.

We all talked, the kids walked down to the shore and skipped stones, we sat and talked (and talked)... we've had scorching hot weather here for the last month, and yesterday was a bit overcast so it was cooler, and quite pleasant to be outdoors in. I worried about rain, but he had that covered too - the picnic area has covered tables, so we'd have been fine even if it had rained.

The sunset was beautiful and we all watched it, the kids explored around nearby, "B" and I talked, and when it was time to go, we all picked up his things to bring back to his truck. He hugged me again and we said good night.

When I got home I sent him another note, thanking him for such a nice time. I've lived here 7 years, and I've never gone to the lake for a cookout - that's the type of thing I used to do back home - and that was nice. If not for geocaching (there are 2 geocaches that are in that park)... I'd have never known about most of the parks around here.

He sent me a reply late last night saying he enjoyed the company of my kids and me, and looks forward to doing it again soon.

He brought his gold-panning equipment (there's lots of gold in waterways around here, and prospecting is one of his other hobbies)... my kids have previously expressed an interest in trying this activity. Unfortunately we ran out of daylight before we could give that a go, but we'll do that next time. B said there's a better park for that anyway, but they don't have as nice a picnic area.

So yes - he's a gentleman, very old-fashioned, which is just right for me. It's nice to spend time with somebody who listens as well as talks, and who seems genuinely interested in what I have to say.

I've been 'one of the guys' for so long - I'd forgotten what it was like to be treated like a lady - and that's exactly what he's done.

In my M, and my other R, I was always the doer - the initiator... that B arranged this picnic and all I had to bring was myself and my kids, was such a refreshing change. Not to say I wouldn't want to arrange something to do for us myself - it's just nice that he took initiative to do something and looked after the details.

I've surmised that recreational companionship is something that is very important to him. It is to me too - so there's a good thing. He told me he thought it would be nice to have somebody to hang out with for geocaching (this is the common hobby that had us meet).

He's into some more strenuous sports than I am - he kayaks and stuff - I'm not quite that active (not to mention I don't have that much time off), but I'm sure there are other activities that I might enjoy participating in.

I used to love picnics and cookouts and camping - but I haven't done that in years, until the picnic last night.

I'm being very cautious - I'm mainly afraid of "me" and my baggage...

After I got home last night I sent him a note thanking him for the lovely evening, and he replied a while later, with a little joke that's geocaching related (I'd repeat it here but unless you're into caching, it wouldn't make any sense).

So....... that's where I'm at. Who'd have thunk that? I wasn't 'looking' to move on and date... and I was even unsure if I should when I was asked... but my friends urged me to go, and people here said I should - and so far it has been most pleasant. Go figure!

JinGA

Hi Jinga,

I've lurked on your thread from time to time but never posted to you on it. You are an inspiration in how you're surviving and still sharing your thoughts and feelings on MB despite what some might not expect after a Plan D.


It might be good to start another new thread so others in your shoes don't get so discouraged that they leave MB at a time when they are most vulnerable. You've inspired me and I'm in recovery. But I didn't read your thread for a long time because the title solicits help from the veteran posters and I'm not one.

Glad things are looking up for you. Your experiences could inspire many more and your 'journaling' has been insightful to share.

Anyways, thanks for staying around.

Ace

I think you're right, Ace. My journey is still very much in its infancy (I guess I travel slowly)... but going forward I'll start a new thread - and we'll see where it leads me.

I've heard so many things - God has a plan. In God all things are possible. Don't fall to temptations as God may be testing...

And also...

When God closes a door, He opens another (or a window).

I'm not sure where I fit into those, but it's time to move forward, slowly, carefully, and try to figure that out.

JinGA

Fantastic! I'm glad to hear it. Look at it this way: If you have a few more dates and it doesn't lead anywhere, did you not have a good time? Would it have been better to spend that time as you would normally have done?

That's how I view dating. Would I rather be alone or out having a pleasant conversation with a nice woman? I'll take the woman and pleasant conversation 90% of the time!

I still enjoy some "me" time, but that's the exception, not the rule.

Told you it would be good!

Bet you a million bucks that your ex will get very curious if and when he finds out. This isn't a game, since there's someone with feelings involved, but the tables have turned some.

I bet the, "what's new?" or "where'd you go the other night? I tried calling." will be greeted with great surprise by, "Oh, I had a date."

It will probably be followed by, "Really? Anyone I know? How'd it go?"

And so it continues. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad to know things went well. No need to hear wedding bells in your head. Take it one date at a time. It may stay friendly. It may evolve. Who knows. Good luck.

Well I think it's time to retire this thread... I've been quiet here the last few days - I've got a lot going on inside, and it's causing me to look at things in a new way.

To conclude this chapter, which is just over 2 months long, XH returned from his vacation on Tuesday. He never called the kids at all while he was gone, nor when he returned. They didn't bother with him either and that saddens me, but there's nothing much I can do about that.

He did see them for a minute last night, because DD needed some poster board, and I was unable to get it, so I asked him to get some and run it by the house for her when he left the shop after his driveby last night, so he did.

He spent a little bit of time at the shop Tuesday and Wednesday nights - he told me about his camping trip a bit, but we haven't really had time to talk at all about anything else, when he has been there we've been busy.

After my date last Friday night, I've started to rethink where I am and where I'm going. I need to decide whether to keep carrying a torch for someone who still seems indifferent, or explore new possibilities, and quite honestly, the new possibilities are much more attractive at this point in time. The *gentleman* who asked me out reminded me how it feels to be respected and valued, and that's very intoxicating. We both have agreed to take things slowly, and it's nice to know that I'm not pressured to move too quickly, but at the same time, he's genuinely interested in me, and I have to admit, I'm genuinely interested in him, and we've spent some more time together this week.

I wasn't out there looking for this - and many people had said that someone would come along when I wasn't looking - and that is exactly what has happened.

XH does not know yet - I haven't had a chance to tell him.

I've got some inner conflict going on - however I was very honest and up-front with my new suitor, and he's very understanding. He's been on his own for over a year, never married, no kids, but he has had a couple of long-term relationships, and just from our talks, I think we've both come from places where we've been hurt, and neither of us is in a rush. I'm comfortable with that.

I think going forward I'm going to post on the After Divorce/Dating and Relationships board, since that seems to be the most appropriate at this point in time. After all, the divorce has been final for nearly 21 months, and XH moved out of our home 3 years ago this week.

I think I'm coming to a point where I can accept that XH simply does not want to come home now, and likely never will - and he did tell me that after all. I guess I was just hoping that at some point he'd change his mind.

I can close that door knowing that I did all that I could - more than once. I do still love him very much, and I likely always will. I just can't live indefinitely in limbo, waiting to see if he makes a choice that he may never make.

Kind of scary - but kind of liberating at the same time.

I have learned a tremendous amount about myself in this thread - and in the last few months that I've been posting here in this forum. I've learned a lot about ME. I've been prompted to think a lot about what makes me tick, what's important to me, about acting from beliefs, versus feelings, why I feel certain ways - and that information is priceless.

And I'm still learning. Now that I suddenly seem to be moving in another direction, I can still use what I'm learning here and apply it, and be better able to pursue a healthy relationship, and be the best partner that I can be, and be OK expecting the same in return.

And as for how I interact with XH, there's no reason for me to change anything. While my "goal" may no longer be to lure him back home again, there is a lot of good in our friendship as it exists now, so I'm not going to mess that up. I'd rather it be this way, than be hostile or whatever.

Time to move on....the rest of the way.

JinGA

Jin,

I'd hate to see you go. I think you could certainly keep posting here. There's little to no traffic in that other forum. I tried it, but this is where i get the inputs and encouragement.

I can relate to how you feel. I started dating and had similar feelings once I did so. They got even stronger as things deteriorated further with the ex.

Things can be better with someone else.

I had my second rejection of the week yesterday. I had a date setup for this weekend. We were going to an arcade together. She told me last night that she's been seeing someone else she met and that he's asked her to be exclusive and she agreed to that. Said I was a real sweetheart and a nice guy, but that the biggest thing against me was the unresolved drama with the ex.

I told her I understood and wasn't really surprised. My drama will likely be a turnoff for a while to come. I try not to share much about it, but it's sometimes evident in how I carry myself.

This is why I like how you get along with your ex. I wish I could get along as well with mine, at least for the kids.

Good luck to you and don't change forums!

Afterall, this is "General Questions II" so it's a bit of a catch all. We are, afterall, people still recovering from the aftermath of infidelity and divorce.

Take care

I'm not going anywhere, BD - I did post in the After Divorce forum - and perhaps I'll copy the post over here...

I made a concerted effort not to bring up much about XH with "B" - however I did tell him that we're still friends, have contact with the business. It's only fair and reasonable for anyone coming into my life to be aware of this - because I'm sure some folks might find it odd. I daresay once we sell the business I'll have less and less contact with XH - but he only lives a mile away, and of course with children - contact is inevitable.

I do expect some "bumps" with XH when he catches wind that I'm dating... and I've wanted to tell him - I just haven't had a chance (he's only been back 2 days). In fact, B dropped by the store on Tuesday night after work, and XH was there on his driveby, and I was going to introduce them, but XH was in a hurry to leave. I was on the phone with a technical support desk, and B was sitting on the couch by our big display. As XH told me (as I was sitting on hold on the phone) he was leaving, he indicated that I had one more "customer" seated on the couch. LOL! I guess it was just as well that XH opted not to "serve" the "customer" - I'd rather make the introductions properly myself. Score one for good luck on my part, score one against good customer service on XH's part!!!

When he indicated that there was a 'customer' over there, I just said, "I know" - and he was out the door before I could say anything more - and like I said, I was on the phone waiting for technical assistance and that wouldn't have been a good way to make introductions, me with a phone stuck to my head.

I have to head out the door right now - but when I get back I'll probably copy my post from After Divorce and paste it here.

I really do appreciate all the help I get here - I've grown in leaps and bounds in the last few months.

And I've shrunk <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I saw a new low weight on the scale today, that I haven't seen since BC (before kids!)... I've still got more to lose (I wasn't skinny BC!), but things are moving in the right direction.

In fact, yesterday, a 20-something gentleman customer of mine came in - he'd seen me the day before but it was busy - before that it had probably been a couple of months since he'd been in. Yesterday there were fewer people around, and when he walked in, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Just how much weight have you lost?!" - I ran up, gave him a big hug, told him he'd made my day - and announced "23 pounds!"

Actually now since my heaviest weight I've lost 65 lbs. I lost a pile 8 years ago and have kept most of it off this whole time but couldn't seem to lose any more, and the same 10 lbs yo-yoed back and forth. In the last 4 months or so, my body has decided to allow some more to go, so I'm enjoying the 'ride down'! The 23 lbs have gone since about March. No gimmicks - just a slow, steady, natural loss - that's the kind that stays away!

I'm feeling good, I'm looking good (people are telling me that regularly!) - no wonder somebody noticed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well I suppose I should get to work before my ego won't let my head fit through the door!

JinGA

I've taken inspiration from the movie 300, as many men have as well. I started a workout inspired by the one that the actors did in the film and I'm sore!

But, if I can get to my goal, (to dress as a Spartan from the movie for Halloween next year) then I will hopefully get some ladies to notice as well!

I have to control what i put in my mouth first, however. Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets that the kids don't eat is not a good start!

How did you lose the weight? I'm trying to lift a lot of low to medium weight with high reps and a little aerobics mixed in. I'll tell you the progress in a month. I'm trying to make them short, but very intense workouts that workup a good sweat.

I am 5'8 and weight 210 ish. That's not good and it's only going to get harder as I get older. I carry it well. Most people can't believe I weight that much, but I'm a thick guy and have a decent muscle base. I just want to get rid of that spare tire.

So how did you do it? Your H is going to be very jealous. I'll bet you a million bucks on this.

Glad to hear things are going so well for you. Makes me think I should stop looking at all and hopefully Mrs. Right will just fall out of the sky!

LOL!

Well I told XH today and he took it just fine. Said, "Good for you!" and appeared to mean it. Of course I've heard that one before too - we'll see if he ends up making an @$$ of himself going forward.

As to my weight - I lost most of it doing the Carbohydrate Addicts Lifespan Program. I did the plan diligently for several years - and it's a way of eating (not a diet) that permits you to eat real food, all the time, and doesn't forbid anything - you just have to plan *when* you can eat those carby treats. It's not low carb (IMO Atkins was dangerous) - it's controlled carb. Sugar is my enemy.

After plateauing for a few years I kind of went off the 'plan' but I do watch what I eat and sort of have the plan in the back of my mind, even if I've blurred the edges of it somewhat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As to why I'm losing it now - I did cut back on junk, and with all the geocaching I've been doing, I'm literally out hiking through parks on a regular basis. If you put me in a park on a trail and told me to walk 3 miles I'd probably roll my eyes and tell you to get lost. Put a GPS in my hand and a 'mission' (to find what usually ends up being a tupperware box hidden in the woods with a log sheet and some McToys in it) - and I will walk the miles without even thinking about it.

My new-found gentleman friend took me hiking to 3 of his geocaches on Monday afternoon. It wouldn't surprise me if we walked 3-5 miles - but like I said the focus is on something other than the exercise so you don't really notice.

Whatever I'm "doing" right that is helping me now - I don't care - it's working.

My MD also put me on Vitamin B12 shots last October - I'm not a vegan or vegetarian, so I'm not entirely sure why I was deficient (but she wasn't alarmed about it) and that's also supposed to help a bit, but I never realized any weight loss til about March - nearly 6 months after I started the biweekly shots - so I don't give them any credit at all, unless it took that long to restore normal levels - who knows?

Carb Addicts works though - worked easily. It also explains *how* your body works and why you put on weight, and some of the other symptoms that go along with so-called carb addiction. Google for it - they have a website and a "quiz" to determine if you do have an issue with carbs - you might be surprised.

Now I'll expect photos of you in the Spartan uniform next Halloween <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW - I started Carb Addicts on October 29, 1999 - right when everyone is surrounded by candy!

JinGA