I just got off the phone with my WW and confronted her about the email she sent for the OM. She started spewing out stuff like I don't trust you, I don't love you, You have continually lied to me, and you have broken any ounce of trust and love I had for you. She also said that I have no right going through her stuff and that she has not given me any reason until now not to trust her. I just sat their and said I'm sorry you feel that way...God she was hateful. I can't believe her attitude...I feel like throwing something. Obviously that wasn't my wife, but the alien...How can she tell me one day that she wants to do the right thing and be with me and get them out of her life, and then a couple of days later be so hateful. I am still working Plan A and didn't lash back at her. I just don't know what to do know. Please help...

What t/d: Leave her alone. She is a babbling WS who is toxic to you and your family.

Go read SAA & Love must be tough. You've got a lot of work and need t/d it soon.

L.

The more hateful and angry she behaves, the more convinced you can be you're on the right track regarding her affair.

I know this must be shocking for you, but believe us when we tell you it is quite typical WS script. She's right on queue.

Do not take any of it personal. Highly likely tomorrow she'll be someone entirely different. That's why its called a Rollercoaster.

Jo

I even gave her the option to just tell me the truth. I know that it is typical WS script, but why does it hurt so bad? All I was trying to do was to help her get through this and that hateful crap comes out. Why the more hateful and angry the better?

GHA,

She sees you as the enemy. Hard to hear, I know. But thats how it is. As the enemy, you are trying to get her to admit something that she hasn't even admitted to herself, that she is cheating. You're the last person she wants to confide in right now.

I would suggest you cease the relationship talks and concentrate on meeting her needs and eliminating all love busters. Right now, she sees you asking questions as interrogations (aka a love buster).

Unfair as it may be, thats the reality of it.

God Bless,
Jo

That is the first time in 3 weeks that I talked about the relationship. My pastor told me to ask her why when she promised him that she wouldn't talk to him anymore, why is she doing it anyway?? Did that make sense? I have omitted all love busters. Why is it that one day she wants to confide in me then she doesn't?? I don't understand this part of this deal? Isn't saying that you want to do the right thing by getting him and his mom out of your life and working on our marriage, admitting you are cheating? Wait, I just answered my own question I think...

She is cheating and reasoning with her is like trying to reason with a drunk or a heroin addict. I suggest you wait on these talks until you are back home. She is behaving like all of the waywards behave, and it is nothing new around here.

When do they finally wake up that it is cheating??? I mean I know there is no timetable for this stuff, but I guess I just want to know, WILL she wake up???

G_H_A,

RATS!! I had a nice long reply typed out for you and my computer ate it! I hate then that happens!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm going to refer you to one of my older posts: What To Do When WS Breaks NC. At the time, I wrote it for two other posters, but it is very applicable to your situation today, and I suspect it will help you to understand why she lies, speaks to you hatefully, etc.

Next, I'm going to refer you to one of Orchid's threads: WS Babble and How to Reverse Babble. This thread will give you a primer on the things that WS's usually say that are so hurtful, so you can not only RECOGNIZE when it's just WS crazy-talk...but also respond in a way that reverses their babbling back on them.

Finally, I have a little MB-etiquette suggestion for ya, G_H_A. Right now, you have like three or four threads going, and it's a little hard for us to know which one you want/need us to respond to. We have "I know the answer to NC being broken", this thread, and the tax thread that pio and MrW are doing. May I suggest that we consolidate onto ONE thread and call it something like: "G_H_A's Thread"? (Catchy title, huh??) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That way you could come onto that one thread and get all your info, responses, and updates in one place. Just an idea--whaddya think?

Your faithful friend,



CJ

Yea, I was beginning to think about the thread idea yesterday...