I could go pages describing how I got to the point I'm at now but I'll try to condense it down and hit the important points.

We were both young (me 20, her 22) and had pre-marital sex, each other's first, which is a big no for Mormons. We could either break it off or wait a year and make it right. If we were normal people we would've gotten it out of our systems and moved on.

So we wait the year, get married and sex is a disaster because it turned into something dirty in her mind. I wait patiently for 7 years sexually unsatisfied trying everything I can think of. I'm a model husband, do everything she asks, help with the housework, cook, keep a steady job, and eventually help with the kids when we decide to have them. We have an ok relationship but it doesn't feel as intimate as it could be, physically and otherwise.

I'm also an underachiever at this time and stay stuck at the same job for 8 years with only two raises in that time period and no promotions. This frustrates my wife to no end but I'm comfortable and see no reason to move out of that zone.

We leave the mormon church and suddenly our black and white world turns to colors. We have a sort of second honeymoon and the sex is great and 3 or 4 times a week like it should be, and it's fun. It feels like we're getting closer and talk about things we'd never shared before. About this time she also has gastric bypass surgery and looks better than she ever has.

We participate in a little flirting and making out at a few parties with other people but neither of us feels threatened because we feel like our relationship is secure, we hardly fight, we're best friends and like the same types of things.

Then she meets a particular guy that she clicks with and we discuss polyamory. Again, because I feel like things are better than ever, I agree with the idea but also because I'm curious about experiencing others myself. I read up on everything I can find on how to cope and make it a positive experience. This all starts in November 2006. It's hard but I'm allowed to email and chat with the third in our relationship and I'm feeling ok with things.

She starts to get guarded and says she wants to keep the relationships separate and doesn't want to talk about it with me anymore. The other guy calls her on her behavior and she comes clean the week after Christmas and gives me the ILYBINILWY speech, says that she isn't physically aroused by me, though she keeps hammering that I'm the type of guy women dream are out there but don't believe really exist, as well as physically complimenting me.

This guy has unlocked some aspect of her sexual being that she's never been able to express before and she has no interest in pursuing it with me any longer.

I beg, plead, and after being separated in and out of our house I attempt suicide in March 2007 and am put in a psyche hospital because I just can't believe this is really happening. She says she's seen it a long time coming, I counter that the last two years have been the best and this completely blindsided me.

She has her own minor breakdown after I find a girlfriend for a couple weeks and we attempt reconciliation. She says there are feelings but she's not ready to stop being a party girl and dating around, things she feels like she missed out on.

Which brings us to now. After our last attempt to work it out I was thrown into a funk again that I'm barely starting to get out of. I can clearly see she has different goals in life than me and wants an older man already on his way up the corporate ladder. I turn 30 in a couple weeks and I'm just now finding my true passion in life (art and graphic design). I understand we're a bad match even though there aspects of our relationship I'll always miss.

Selling our house gave us enough equity to pay off all our debts so I'm basically starting with a clean slate. She wants the divorce to be amicable as possible and we've both gotten everything we wanted, equal shares of what was left of the equity and 50/50 custody of our daughters.

Sounds like a dream compared to some of the situations I read about here. But for some reason I still find myself in disbelief that this is all happening, that my previous views of how my life was going to go are completely gone.

I've done a lot of growing up in the past 6 months but I still feel like I have so far to go. I go nuts every time I hear about her new guy or the latest party she attended. Women seem to be avoiding me like the plague but I wonder if it's something I should even pursue.

While I was in the relationship with this other girl I found myself less concerned about my STBXW and what she was up to, though I also had a lot less free time than I wanted.

My entire sense of self was tied to my ex and I'm just now working out what life is like with only myself as company. I like myself but I'm also driving myself crazy thinking about her all the time.

None of you have ever felt like that, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes, that's a been there-done that for many of us.

Welcome. Sorry you have to be here, but here's a good place.

And yes, it is too soon for you to date. If you date now, you would be using the woman as a bandaid to stop the pain and keep you from thinking about your STBX. That's not fair.

Also, if you date too early, you tend to pick bad ones.

It's better to stay busy doing other stuff. Like design work. Are you doing freelance stuff? Do you have a specialty? I know there's a lot of call for good Flash designers that know design as well as the programming.

If you want to be worth your weight in gold, start reading up on the lost art of typography. Too many of today's designers don't understand type. Good typography is transparent. The reader doesn't notice it. But the type and the setting welcomes the eye, invites the reader in and makes it easy going.

LOL. An arcane passion of mine.

"My entire sense of self was tied to my ex and I'm just now working out what life is like with only myself as company. I like myself but I'm also driving myself crazy thinking about her all the time." I know how you feel. My x fiance just called me up 2 weeks ago when his soon to be bride got pissed off with him and left. I had made decent progress in dealing with the emotions from the breakup until he tries to get back up with me. Now I'm struggling again just like it was day one again. I'm depressed more of the time than I can handle and still stay functional. It has made life a living ****** again.
Since the breakup I've only dated a total of 5 times. And I let all of them know that friends is all I can handle right now. I know I'm not ready. It had only been 3mos when my x called me up.
I feel for you, but like the others said- wait on dating "picking" anyone new. It's true that you tend to pick worse ones to start with, maybe because you feel so bad yourself. That seems to have been my problem in the past.
Good Luck in the future. Remember, no one is worth dying over. I've tried that in the past myself, but I finally realized I'm worth more than that. Just keep on trying, time, truth, and the love of friends will heal old wounds!!