Been too damn long since I posted an update here. We were (are?) in recovery. Affair was in 2005.

Wife is away with son visiting inlaws for the next three weeks. I was there for a while, but came back earlier than them so that I could work.

Was putting some of my wife's clothes away that she sent back with me. A diary was sitting hidden in her closet. It's written in her native language, spanish, and is written with that same 'romantic' type of phrases that my wife and the OM used to use when communicating.

It talks about this beautiful May day in the past when she was enjoying the wind (blah blah). Then she heard a voice and the owner of the voice was a person she had an instant connection with. Her life changed forever that day, and the wind was no longer in the air, but in her heart, surrounding the beats of her heart.

She never mentions a man, nor the other man.

Needless to say I am fairly certain this is referring to the OM. Am I being to certain? Could it be about some lost love from before our marriage? I'm doubtful. We've been married 8 years, and I doubt she'd write so lovingly about something from way back.

How am I supposed to feel about this? I feel betrayed, but how do I digest this?

I doubt I can wait three weeks to discuss it with her. I feel sick. To know her thoughts are still 'over there' instead of here with me and her son...

Looking for a bit of advice.

How does this piece of information affect anything? If you hadn't seen the diary, would your M be in jeopardy? Women are romantic. Who knows why? Her heart is her heart. How do you know she doesn't feel that way about you? Or won't in the future?

How is the M going? Are you making progress?

confront this now....you deserve to be with someone that is not longing for another
absent a good explanation...I would be hard pressed to stay with her.

Sorry but I don't see how that passage says she wants to leave Sundog and be with OM.

Women are just strange. It's what made Jacquelyn Suzanne rich.

I'm not particularly in love with my wife right now. I may never be again. Should I leave her?

I would tuck that diary away, never mention it and then bust my butt every day to try to make WW imagine me in that scene.

But that's just me.

if you ever know you won't love her again...yes, you should leave IMO.
But there is a difference here...you are and he is the BS. Many BS lower their standards to allow them to continue with someone that they shouldn't be with. If your spouse is in love with someone else, I say get her gone after two years in recovery. I personally think that this lowering of standards is for the birds.
Your excusing this as a "women are strange" argument makes no sense to me. Jac Suz was writing books... this is real life and NO H or wife should have to settle for this crapp.

I appreciate the replies. I have to say I don't agree with your view Piojitos, but I respect your opinion.

I simply cannot be in a relationship where the person I'm with is romantically longing for another.

The only time she writes such things about me is when I am at the verge of leaving her. When we are ok, I am just the guy in the house that doesn't get enough affection.

I have made many of the changes you speak of Pio, but she is the type that will always long for those memories of him, because of the addiction, because of the way memories like that seem more romantic than a mortgage and daily routine with a hubby...

Im so calm that I almost scare myself at the moment. I went through a year of the affair pain, I think I'm somewhat resistant to it now. I guess I'll have to talk to her about it, otherwise I'll end up tormenting myself for the next three weeks.

So what if instead of a diary he finds a Harlequin Romance with dog-eared pages?

What is this woman actually guilty of? And when did she write it?

I still remember my first GF. I have nothing but nice thoughts about her when they come up.

The punishment should fit the crime and I'm not sure there is a crime here and she certainly deserves the chance to defend herself. You've got Sundog packing of to divorce court. Over what?

Without giving away the boat, let your W know in your next communication that something in her closet smelled. Kinda raunchy....ask her if she had something smelly from another guy....let her know it stunk in a manly way. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

What will this do? Make the WS wonder. Tell you are not sure if it is dirty socks, dirty boxers or whatever but it isn't something from you. Nope....your side of the closet is clean.

She will wonder. Don't mention the diary. See what she says. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Gotta be patient.

WS' can't smell....it is distorted during the A..... and a bit afterwards. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

She chooses to be with you.

You have to decide who you will choose.

what punishment pio?

you are grandstanding here. I do not have him rushing off to divorce court. I have him having a conversation with his wife that may or may not lead there. I have him setting a personal boundary to not be with a woman that is so infatuated with another man that she previously screwed around with all the while betraying him.
You have him dismissing this as nothing more than a harlequin romance novel which I think is lousy advice.

The conversation which YOU suggested shouldn't happen... you advocated that he ignore this... will answer when this was written. What is she guilty of... well, she is a convicted adulterer. It would be like a pedophile being released from prison after rehab and using the internet to look at naked pictures of children.

PORH would require discussing this issue. To keep this lettle tidbit to himself is a cancer waiting to happen. Radical honesty... not just put it back in the closet and make references to something that gives clues. This is a M in recovery...it deserves honesty... doesn't it?

ummmmmmmmmmmm

just guessing here

perhaps your wife has an unmet EN for romance/poetry/fantasy

is it possible for you to use this diary/story discovery as a way to reach deeper into her soul?

could you be the guy in the story if you tried?

(I confess, this stuff is NOT my cup'o'tea, but it may be something that your wife wants YOU, her beloved husband, to provide ... romance and flowery words)

How about confronting her in such a way that the end result can be a win-win proposition?

[color:"blue"] "Sweetie, I came across this book with the romantic stories you've written ... Let's read them aloud together. Let's get all dressed up and go out to a romantic spot and read to each other, sipping wine, watching the sunset"[/color]

HEY .... this is the BEST idea on this thread ... so far ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What's the worst that could happen? She say's "NO, you cannot be the man in the stories." <~~~ but then, you'd know and would not be wondering what she is up to

I think it is just her cultural roots. I watch Mexican novelas, and YIKES they are sappy. Also if you listen to the music, it is romantic to the extreme, much more so than our love songs.

Sundog, do you do romantics things and court your wife?

When I met my roommate, he brought a rose, kissed it and gave it to me. It's a lot of BS, but quite satisfying for some women. (me included)

Sundog:


Go with Pep here.

Exploring dreams with your spouse?

What MB is all about.

LG

Sundog, I tend to think that we all have stray thoughts at times - fantasies, memories, whatever. You are unsure, as yet, who your wife was referring to and I'm guessing she won't be impressed to think you were reading her diary.

It's not an uncommon request for love letters from affairs to be destroyed. In this diary, are many of the other entries just day-to-day mundane stuff or do you think it is a 'tribute' to her feelings for the affair and OM? For me, if this was a one-off entry (perhaps it was a day you'd had a quarrel or she had PMS), then I would probably let it go. If the whole diary appears to be dedicated to the memory of the affair, then I would request it be destroyed.

Might be an idea to just calm down for a couple of days before you make any decision.

Sundog, was it your son who was seriously ill at one time or am I thinking of another poster. If it was your boy, I hope he is recovering well. If not, excuse me.

Good luck, TT

Sundog,

I'm not going to offer you any more opinions. I just hope you're doing okay.