Background: WH began long distance A at end of Feb this year. Has not had contact with OW for two weeks. I'm doing plan A, he is in withdrawl.

Last week I opened a credit card bill and found a charge for Kay Jewelers for $124. The purchase was made on 5/11. Before bed I was honest with WH and told him that it upset me to see jewelry charges for OW on our credit card bill (still doing Plan A, but being honest about my emotions).

He got very defensive and upset that I would assume that the purchase was made for OW. He said that he tried to open a charge card there to get me something for my birthday but was denied the card (yes, I know dear, I opened the rejection letter that came in the mail!) so he decided to just buy me something small for now. Ok, nice way to try to save himself but....

1. I'm supposed to believe that the man who in 12 years of marriage has never once bought me a gift *before* the day of the event (birthday, mother's day, x-mas) went out and bought me jewelry 2 months before my birthday?

2. I don't wear jewelery. I have a gold wedding band and a diamond nose stud. Everything else I wear is made from hemp and beads. He has always said he liked this....

3. The purchase was made on 5/11. On 5/15 he had his last in-person encounter with OW. Coincidence?

So.....he insisted that he went and bought me this piece of jewelry for my birthday. I highly doubt it.

The long distance A has put us in a financial mess. There is NO extra cash for him to go buy a replacement piece to pretend that he had it all along and purchased it for me. He handed over all his credit cards to me as part of our financial agreement and I give him cash for his daily needs.

My birthday is July 7. Part of me wants to TOTALLY blow PLan A and be revengeful and vindictive, hinting around about the jewelry and playing games.

I won't do it though. I don't want to mess up Plan A and I've had enough games to last a lifetime. But gosh, its gonna be a difficult day. I'm planning not to mention it at all and just celebrate by helping the kids make a cake for me. But is it wrong to fantasize about the uncomfortable situations I could put him in about the "missing" piece of jewelry?? Gee, I sound pathetic!!

Connecting the dots, it sounds as though he may be lieing. If he is serious about recovery then he needs to come clean about everything and remain totally transparent to you.

If indeed he is lieing, seems its eminent he'll be busted since he doesn't have dinero to buy a similar piece of jewelry in time for your B-day.

I say lay low and wait to see what happens then.

Also, you could always go to the jewelers with receipt in hand and inquire as to what was purchased. They should have record of it.

Jo

I don't have the receipt, just the listing on the credit card statement and the credit card was only in his name. DO you think they would still give me information on what was purchased?

J4J

Your situation is so similar to mine it's scary. I have so much debt because of this too. Sorry, but I don't think the bracelet is for you, but I agree that you should hold on and see what happens. I know what you are going through, and it is terribly difficult to keep with Plan A. I finally went to Plan B today. I did A for 6 months and just can't do it anymore. For 5 months I thought that we were recovering, but found out 2 weeks ago that the A is still going on.
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One thing though, I now feel justified going to Plan B. I was getting to the point where I didn't want to recover anymore.

If you take the statement to the jeweler, they may tell you what was purchased.

It is a very simple answer in mu mind.

Simply say, 'WH, I am so amazed that you were so thoughtful to do that so far in advance of my bday! Wow!

You know I have been having such a difficult time lately! I could really use a pick me up right Now!

Please go get the gift and give it to me now. It would make my day!

Either he produces it or he can't.

Tough call. This is what I'd do: not mention it. Plan A... I'd make home and ME a safe place to be. Even though I'd die knowing that the jewelry wasn't for me. What's done is done.

Concentrate on recovery and reaching that goal. If you focus on the gift that you think won't appear, it will plant the seeds of doubt and distract you from your goal: your M.

Plan B: different story.