Last nite i found some spent Viagra packagings in WH'S computer bag, Again.
I wanted to question him about it this morning but he left very early and won't back till friday. I am now in an emotional mess!!! should I call him now to question or shall I wait till he comes back. How should I ask him without getting emotional and not to show weakness????

I cannot tolerate the indignity anymore. for the last3 months I have tried to work on Plan A. Frustrating and humiliating. He remained in contact with OW.
Should start Plan B now or throw in the towel?
Vets out there, I'd really appreciate your advise.

Had no contact been established? Was there a no contact letter?

I would be darned mad about seeing that too - but I'm not a long-timer so I'm not sure what the best way is to confront this - but I agree it needs to be confronted.

Sorry - no nuggets of wisdom from me, but you've got my empathy.

JinGA

You have not exposed his affair yet, right?

You need to find a way to expose the affair to OW's H, even if he does live in another country, you need to find the way to expose it to him.

You also need to expose it to his place of work. His OW is his subordinate, right? They may not work directly with each other now, but they did when the A started, right? I know you say you think his place of work knows about the A, and are just keeping quiet about it. But the workplace needs to know that you know and that you are asking them what they are going to do about it.

You also need to expose further to friends and family. It sounds like you exposed it to his sister with some positive effect, but you need to expose it further. Exposing it to a priest is not really exposure, it sounds like that was more like exposing it to a counselor.

Until you expose this A, he will continue down the A path and no amount of plan A on your part will save the M.

If he is still having sex with OW, you are right to explain to him that you cannot have sex with him now while he is involved in an A. You need to get yourself tested for STDs and you need to expose the A in order to stop the A.

He is telling you that you are a liar because you tried to break into his e-mail account? You need to stay calm when you talk to him, but he is the one who is being dishonest in the M. It is not a love buster to calmly point out reality regarding the affair. Tell him there is only room for two people in your M.
Lake

I would not ask him about it, rather I would TELL him that I KNOW exactly what is going on...Asking will only result in denial, plus you do not have to prove to him what he already KNOWS...

Has this affair been exposed?

Mrs. W

Jinga, Lake53, MrsWondering

Thanks very much.I appreciate your help. keep them coming.
I confronted him about the V tablets. You're right,it ended up with denials and big fight with him. of course me in tears. told his sister about it and she followed up with angry text message to him. He blew his top on me. He said I have placed a wedge between him and his closest sister and the M is now over and would formally leave in Nov.he announced that to his sister too.

It was painful, listening to all his grievances against me dating back to 20 years+ ago. More so, as it was our 20th Wedding anniversary. I could not even remember those events. He said he hated being in the shadow of my family. Yet, he seeks their help and favours when he needed them in the past.

Since our fight last week, he has been very cold to me.

anyway, i have exposed the A to his colleague, senior than him. So I am just waiting for another blow up.
He is away for anothr week. I am trying my best not to LB but its getting more difficult.
I am now preparing for an exam to qualify as an investment agent. Should the inevitable parting happen, I'll have some form of income. V daunting!! I have been a full time home maker for 5 years.
need more help on what to do next, pls.

SBNO,

When I read your first post I kept thinking why would he not throw away the packaging?? Why would he stick them in his computor case?

What was his excuse, may I ask?

""He said I have placed a wedge between him and his closest sister ""

Hope you reminded him that he is the one driving the wedge and not only between his sister and him, but between he and everyone he knows.

""need more help on what to do next, pls.""

The basic rule of thumb is after the exposure hunker down, hold on tight, and let the storm blow itself out.

Stay strong.

kirk

kirk,
I've wondered about that too.
My guess is that he does not want OW to know he is taking them and planned to get rid of them later but forgot. There were new pkts too. For info, he takes his computer evrywhere he goes and the bag also doubles as an overnite bag. convenient to have his suppplies with him all the time.
Well, aftr this, I do not expect see them anymore. he will just hide them somewhere else.

My brain gets too clouded when I am in such an emotional state.
I am trying my best to hang on but I miss the loving husband terribly. Called him last nite, just got one word answers.,
Thanks for the support.

He said, 'do something that will make me feel guilty leaving' .
I'm at my wits' end thinking what else can be done. I feel like a doormat already and have been whinny and needy lately. any hope here????

Sad, it is time to work on yourself. You need to stop being clingy and whiny. Start doing things for yourself. Go and get your hair done and splurge a bit. Go shopping for yourself, new clothes, shoes, whatever. Go join a gym. Exercise is great for relieving the stress you are going through and it will help you tone up as well. If you aren't going out with girl friends, go out with them.

You can use this opportunity to sit and be miserable, or you can get a grasp on your own reality. The stronger you become, the faster you will make his head snap right back around... In addition, when you take control of your own life, you cease becoming their doormat...

Xetta,
thanks. Appreciate you advise. here's an update.
WH was back home for the weekend. I am proud of myself this weekend. I could say no LBs. WH even helped clean the house. He looked surprised when I said 'Thank you for cleaning up' We're in the midst of renovating our house, by the way.

I was also busy with some church activities. Coincidently themed 'Family Day'. WH did attend the event with the children and even bought me dinner and we ate together at the stall I was helping out.
I passed the investment exams and I intend to succeed in this and regain my financial independence.

WH suggested that the children and I take trip to the city (2 hrs drive) this Saturday to meet me and later for Japanese Dinner. I agreed but not to stay the night at the apt where OW stayed. Although I didn't say this to him. just said we preferred to drive back with. he agreed
Looking forward to this family outing. hopefully it will strike a cord in WH's heart and grey matter. Is there hope here???
He called up yesterday to say he'll be travelling to OW's country next week for work.I didn't comment on this just said OK. Last week, I found a newspaper cutting of job advertisement in his computer bag. Job is to be based in OW's country. Saw him emailing a copy of his university cert too.. Seems he is planning his Move. This has been wrecking me up day and nite.##**!! HELP guys, any advise? Really need it fast.

Mix the V stuff with his coffee. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Let's see, most OWs from another country want $$. Drain the WS of his $$ make him look broke and then see if the OW still wants him.

Can you do a background check on the OW?

L.

This is not exposure, Sad, why would he care if his work colleague knows? It is just a little drizzle that he can easily explain away. Exposure at work needs to be done to the Director of Human Resources, the VP and their bosses via a letter. [you can even email them all] Exposure needs to be done strategically so it hits like a TSUNAMI. Make up a list of folks to target, such as:

1. OW's Husband
2. Director of Human Resources and the VP, and your H and the OW's bosses
3. his family members
4. your family members
5. your pastor, if any
6. the OW's parents

Do this TODAY before your H gets wind of your intentions and pre-empts you these ppl and warns the OW.

Do it all in the same day to have the maximum effect. If you just do a little here and a little there, it is easy to write you off as a nutjob.

And secondly, stop ASKING him if he is screwing around. TELL HIM that you know. You don't need his admission to know the truth.

Ok, maybe V in coffee and draining all his $$ c/b a bit drastic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Still go do the background check on the OW.

L.

Does anyone have a sample of good exposure letter to HR Dept?

What I am afraid is, he might use the exposure letter to his work place as a legal weapon to avoid a hefty maintence payment should we end up in D. He had threaten me that he will fight me hard and dirty( his exact words sent via SMS) in court. Hence he is protecting his A well.
I am really through with snoooping , it hurts.

Hii guys,

been busy lately. for past 3 weeks I have done my best not to LB and kept my patience with WH. I have written to his HR, told my side of family about the A but they has been no outburst from WH. wondering what's he up to. From his cell call list and some SMSes he is still very much in contact with OW. He is very careful with his SMSes these days. he deletes them quickly!!
Anyway he has been home a lot this last 2 weeks. He took the kids and I out of town last weekend and had a great time as a family. just like old days. he even got to relate to DS events of our college days together. I thought for a while its was nice to hear him reminice.
I asked him about his job application. He said the job appealed to him as it was what he was trained for, even though he left this line 12years ago. He said he had the 1st interview on friday . Anyway, I asked him if he is actually looking at the job challenge or he just want to go work away from this country. he did not reply. Instead he said as his wife, I should be supportive.
I told him if circumstances were different I would be and I don't think can I go through the pressure. He said living in another country would be exciting for US.
He seem to be looking forward to it. and been asking me of
my approval or agreement I suppose. I just said to him we'll see when you get the job offer.
I am happy that he would find something he's passionate about and leaving his present firm where OW also works but this would mean he will be physically closer to OW, if he takes on the new job.
This has been long, I HOPE you all can help and advise on this.
I don't know what to say without us ending in a fight and me emotionally messed up again should I bring up the OW's name. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />