Suzet,

Thanks for the link. That really helped.

Sadmo,

You hit the nail on the head. We want them to ask for forgiveness and show that they really care, but I guess they are incapable at some point. What is your situation now???

KG-
Well, unfortunately, I decided to file for a D. I just could not stand the whole limbo thing any longer, plus that fact that I felt vindicated, which was not a good thing, that he really did NOT care about our M.

He used our separation as a time to become "single" again.

I just could not sit back and wait for him to come to his senses. I do not think that he ever would, nor do I even think that I would want him back anymore.

But now, as time has passed, I am actually VERY HAPPY, and it is not bad. Sure, at times it would be nice if he were around, but it is not worth it (the emotional toll) for me. I have to move on.

I hope that you get what you truly need and deserve, it will be revealed to you in time!

Bumping for hopesandfears.

Sadmo - I just read your last response again and now find myself in your same sitch. My WH just isn't putting the effort in, and continued violation of NC has left me with nothing else to give. Plan D is on the horizon.

What Mulan said is SO true:

"You have made the mistake that so many BS make.
He's not trying to choose "which one of you he wants to be with."
He wants BOTH of you.
BOTH of you
BOTH of you
and as long as you're willing to remain dangling on the string, that's exactly what he's got.
That's why HE will NEVER make a decision. If you're waiting for that, you'll be waiting for the rest of your natural life."

My WXH still hates me because I wouldn't let him keep me and OW. OW dumped him over 3 years ago, WH divorced me over 2 years ago, and he still hasn't defogged enough to express any remorse or regret... Guess he didn't love me after all but just figured why not have us both if he could?
I wanted to believe that he loved me, that he was having a hard time choosing between me and OW because I did mean something to him. He told me that no man would want me and that I was too old to date/marry. I wanted to believe that he said those awful things because he didn't want to lose me to another man... But maybe he said those things because that's really what he thought of me? He took me for granted. I was of no value to him because he felt entitled to me.

Meremortal,

I see that now and agree. If your WH's OW dumped him, why did he D you? How are things for you now??

Hope you are keeping a dark Plan B. That is essential. Now is the time to step back and breathe a sigh of relief, and let the OW attempt to meet all of your husband's needs.

He may keep attempting to contact you (see if you really mean he has to get rid of OW), or you may not hear anything for a month or two. Stay dark.

Knit, Read MM's last sentence or two in her last post. See sometimes these people, our spouses, just aren't who we cooked them up to be. Yea, they put on a good face sometimes for years but there is something inside them brewing, something they cannot explain themselves but its there pulling them towards something. Some call it a mid life crisis, some have emotional, childhood, other mental issues, some have been "good" as long as they can and can't do it any longer. They want something different, freedom, a loose lifestyle with no demands on their time, no one to be accountable to, another person who loves them 'for who they are' (i.e. - no accountablility, no judging, etc)

It's all a bunch of crap because most or all of them end up in the same place they were when they destroyed their marriage to seek out "who they are", or their soul mate.

Sometimes the person we loved, married and dreamed of a life with just may not really be the person we thought they were and may be showing their true colors in the midst of an affair or other crisis.