Last October my H and I divorced after almost 6 years of marriage because of his affair and many other reasons. He ended up in jail and has been out since April. I thought that I had moved on until he got out and started coming around again. We had a very bad marriage and I was glad to get out of it. But now he has cleaned up from the drug and alcohol abuse and seems to be a different person. He wants to try again and he seems to be willing to do anything to repair our family. My concern is that we have three children ages 6,3, and 2. I want to do what is best for them. The biggest factor is that the OW is still around his family. They never accepted me and welcomed her with open arms. Rachel (the OW) and I were pregnant at the same time and her child is only 2 months younger than our youngest. I am not sure I can deal with all of this and maintain the kind of married life that I long for. I do still love him and want our family back. But how do I deal with his familys acceptence of her and her child over me and my children. I could really use some third party advice about this. He is willing to move away from his family if we decide to try again. Should I take him up on this? He has also said that he is willing to give up the other child if I ask him to, but I don't feel that would be the right thing to do. Please help. What do I do?

Welcome. Hopefully some of the regular posters will be here soon. Just wanted to let you know you are being heard.

If he just got out in April, his changes are very new. I would not be in any hurry to make life changing decisions. Your marriage got in this mess over a period of years, and it will take many many months to turn things around. I would insist on some actions from him - especially counseling on how to deal with all of these issues.

Even without an OC, family acceptance (and rejection of you and your children) is a HUGE problem to overcome. Your husband's choices got you into this situation, and I would expect him to do the heavy lifting to recover.

Is his contact with the OW only about issues concerning the child? Has paternity been established by a DNA test?

Thank you for responding. Yes, his contact with the OW is only about their daughter (on his part). She texts him at least 5 times a day telling him how she misses him and everything. It is rediculous. He keeps changing cell numbers, but his mother keeps giving her the number. He has repeatedly told her (infront of me) that outside of contact with his daughter, he wants nothing to do with her. He pays her CS, but she is constantly asking for more money. It's always something. It isn't the OC that I don't feel I can deal with, its the OW who won't leave him alone. That is why I was wondering if moving would do any good. The OC I can accept, after all it isn't her fault. The OW has also admitted to getting pregnant on purpose to try to keep him. I don't hate the child, I just want the OW to leave us alone if we get back together, but I don't feel she will. I don't know what to do about it. And yes, paternity has been established.

LostAndUncertain,

Of all things, it his family that would worry me. You get hooked up with him again, and you will have to deal with them.

The OC, DNA, CS, long distance visitation issues can be resolved, but that family of his....... I hope he is REALLY worth it.

Good Luck to you,

TH

I hope so too. Thanks for responding.

lostanduncertain, welcome to MB. First I agree with Believer that you should take any reconciliation very slowly. I also recommend you attend ala-non meetings. That should help tremendously in guiding you through the recovery process from the addictions.

I am LIVING that nightmare right now. I have little to nothing to do with my ILs and they do not see my children much. Their choice and their loss. One step at a time and let HIM do the work and prove to you he is worthy of you.

I'd have to agree with TroubledH...getting over the hurt caused by your H for being with the OW, and now having an OC is one thing...but the family (in-laws) situation you are thinking of returning to is another.

Are you sure you want to raise your children in an environment like that? You may want to give your H time to get used to being his new "substance-free" self before you make any final decisions. His family, however, may never change the way they see you (for whatever reasons they have, no matter what you do)...are you prepared for a lifetime of that?

Stand strong, and be firm. It's your life, too.