My FWH (I believe) just called and said he got an e-mail today from the OW. The e-mail read- I have had a series of calls from what she thinks is MY cell phone, as it was the number I used to call her in December. If I want to talk to her to leave a message. Okay- First of all- I called her the last day of Novemeber when I busted them. I NEVER called her again. What is her deal?? My husband swears there has been no conact between the two of them since November. Is she trying to worm her way back??? Do I need to worry about her? What should I do??? My heart sunk when he told me he got an email from her. I am having a hard time thinking straight.

Amy

yep....trying to re-establish contact with your husband, using you as the bad guy.

great news is that your husband let you know. Do you have access to his passwords?

OK...so check his phone records. Did he call her? Does he still have that same cell number that she seems to think the calls came from?

Did he immediately block her e-mail?
Mulan

No I do not have access to his cell records or work e-mail. He works for the federal government- therefore no way to get it. We do not have seperate emails at home- just a joint account.

I do randomly check his phone- to see the calls- of course he could delete any.

All I could do was to thank him over and over for sharing that she emailed. I need to get myself together before he gets home, I'm afraid if he sees that it upset me that he may not share in the future.

I did ask what he planned to do about the email. He said delete it, why do you want me to do somethng? I told him no. I asked what he felt her intention was by sending it, knowing that I had not contacted her, he said he did not know. UGH! I want this roller coaster to end.
Amy

Have you checked your phone bill? Any chance he used your cell phone to call her and then hang up?

mulan- I guess he did not block her account
lc- checking my cell on line now- never thought of that

Time to re-send the NO CONTACT letter. And if this is a MOW, then her husband gets cc:.

okay, when we do the no contact do we both sign it to show unity or would that look like I made him do it? She is divorced- no MOW!

Easy answer

WH writes a certified letter restating his no contact DEMAND and re stating how foolish both of them were to perpetrate what they did. How he loves you and is working hard on your M and that she should go find someone else to harass.

thank you all, I feel much calmer. My poor husband I just talked with him and asked if he was prepared to get a phone call from her, begging to talk and meet up etc. He asked why I thought she would do it, all I could say is I've been right so far about her and she seems desparate. BTW- he told me, without prompting he would tell her he chooses not to talk with her and to hang up. I pray I am wrong about her. I wish she'd just find someone else.

Well if your H maintains NC, she *will* find another sucker.

Props to him for telling you - IMO that's a very positive thing.

JinGA

No NC letter, get a new # and leave it alone. OW's want attention. Any contact letter feeds that need.

The scary piece is if the OW is psycho. Which means you and your H had best be protected. Document the call, keep it on record and if you want to report it to the police you can. The police may be willing to keep a record of it for later use.

IMHO,
L.

amartini, Orchid is correct that OWs keep trying to get attention. This was the case in my FWH's affair when she kept trying to make a point about her feelings, and H just felt he had to send one more email to try and calm her down, as he thought he had 'let her down too harshly'!! It was a bit complicated in our case, as they were involved in an ongoing project that still had a couple of months to run, so they did need to keep in contact on a professional basis, so I think he wanted to keep things on a pleasant level until it finished. Even when the project ended, though, he continued to receive the odd email over the next two or three months that appeared to be trying to elicit sympathy/apologies. This was when the line was drawn and the emails were not answered. A little while ago the university where H works cancelled his account, so now they will not be able to get through. He also ditched the affair-phone account, so she can't get that way either. I do hope that she can't find a way to get H's new details - I still have thoughts about what I would do if this happened. I have saved all the emails she sent, in case I need to take legal action, should she ever attempt to make contact again.

Cut off all avenues of contact, even if it means your H getting a new work email/phone number, if that's how she made contact. I did not settle until this was done, even though H said he would not reply to the emails, and he was showing the messages to me.

You can see her level of desperation, as I have posted her emails on my blog.

If changing his email address is not possible, from this point forward he should delete her messages unread if she happens to send any others. I'm curious as to why he even opened this email from her.

lc- I checked my cell bill on line- they only go back to Jan. and there were no calls. I pretty sure in Dec. I looked- as it was all very fresh and I went through everything with a fine tooth comb to see patterns. He is unable to get new phone / email, govt! He says his email system is like ours at home -outlook- where you can read without opening because it shows the email content. We discussed this in December- when she emailed him "hope you and the boys have a good christmas" I had the same question. I told him I will walk him through blocking her email address- says he doesnt know how to- whatever! Guess I will instruct him via the phone- then go have lunch and have him show me he did it!!!

BTW- husband says he never responds- I tend to believe him- he has told me about the two emails from her.

thanks

FWH had a bit of trouble getting Outlook to block emails. His is a university system and the techies could only suggest marking it as spam, which of course would still allow it to download. I wanted OW to actually get a bounce-back, so that she knew for sure that the emails were not being received, despite them not getting a reply. Apparently, Outlook doesn't do this, as a measure to prevent constant looping - it assumes that the bounce-back would be to a bogus address, in which case the message would come back again, and so on. There does not appear to be a facility to block a single email address totally.

The only alternative I could think of was to wait for another email to come in, and then simply send back a bogus 'account not valid' message. You can set up a message rule with an autoresponder to bounce back a message, but it's one time only. If you want to do it again (to that address), you have to delete that rule and set up another one.

Anyway, in the end the university cancelled that address by mistake and he's been given a new identity, so now they bounce!

Thanks for the info. DH59.

I try to take the positive out of every situation, and I see this as a moment he drew a line with her and told me about it. He was honest with me, that helps me to trust him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

In my Outlook I have the option to set it up as "messages" or "messages with previews". I have it set simply as messages and only get a list w/o the content of an email displayed unless I click on it. Can he change his options to not have the preview? That way if she emails him he can delete any further messages from her w/o reading them.

I also agree he should ignore her and not send another NC letter.

LC