Sounds like things are going better. I like the idea of the two of you discussing where to go together. It gives you both something to look forward to.

I forget where you live, but you can buy a SeaWorld pass for the whole year here that costs just a little more than a one day trip.

I did a similar thing. I'd ask my then-H which one he liked, and predictably I'd buy the one he didn't pick. It wasn't deliberate, honest. But I think it drove him a little crazy until ....

.... he started picking the opposite of what he liked. LOL

Yikes! I'm divulging proprietary wife intellectual property. I could be excommunicated.

Jo

Like, Ohhhh my God! Like, I found this totally cute outfit at the mall, and it was like, soooo cute! Jeez, here I go chiming in...

So how is everyone today...

Well I'm kind of tired. I was out spltting logs last night and then had to replace the head gasket on the Pinto. Man stuff. You know.

Need some advice here...This is about my MIL...As y'all know, my wife and I decided together to move across town closer to church, church friends, and away from any reminder of OM. My wife brought it up, but I was going to tell her anyway that I wanted to move, since OM has been in my house. Couldn't live there with constant reminder. So, WW told MIL that what we are going to do, and of course she didn't like it. As it stands now, my WW cares WAY too much about what her mom thinks. We live where we are now because it is CLOSER to her mom. We are about 30 min. from MIL. We would be moving about 1 hr. from MIL. Anyway, MIL started taking it personal by asking what happens if WW needs MIL, we need to find a new church, etc. (I call it witchcraft, but whatever). My WW told MIL that WE had decided to do this together to start fresh. Now here is where I get mad...My WW goes to the emergency room tonight with pain in her chest and numbness in her right arm. I called my WW cell (not knowing of course she was there) like I normally do twice a day. MIL answers and WOULD NOT LET ME TALK TO HER!!!!! Says that she walked to the ladies room with WW's purse and cell and said that she would have her call me. Can you believe this? Sounds like retaliation which really pi$$es me off. I have always said that MIL is one of WW's issues. I am not happy right now...Any advice?

MIL is not a hill to die on. Worry about your relationship with your wife first. Later (when you move an hour away!!), you can worry about MIL.

But this has to do with my relationship with my WW...This to me is a stepping stone in our recovery...My WW doing what WE agree as H and W, not W being pressured by MIL to change her mind...I can't deal with that up and above the A...

I let my anger for my MIL get in the way of comforting my wife when she was on the way home from the emergency room. We got in a fight about MIL and how my MIL thinks our pastor is too judgemental...i said that is funny coming from the same lady who stood in our front yard and called me lower than a piece of dirt. My WW said that I should have been comforting her instead of b*tching about MIL. I said I was sorry and that I let my anger get the better of me and I don't think she cared to hear it. I am so angry with myself that I let my anger get in the way of meeting her EN's. I am just frustrated because MIL is trying to make my WW feel guilty about our decision and will use any tactic to justify her selfishness...I had a chance to meet WW EN's and blew it....

Let me ask. Is MIL against the affair or for it? Or is she one of those whimpy-a$$ed moms who "just wants her daughter to be happy"?

She is "just want her to be happy" kind...

Then don't attack MIL while you are 10,000 miles away. Keep trying to fill WW's love bank. If you attack MIL, she will fight back. WW will be the battleground.

Once you get back home, then discuss what you are really going to do.

When you get home....."leave and cleave."

Until then, Plan A for yourself and focus solely on your relationship with your wife, not your mother-in-law. MIL's will NOT change, especially those who want to remain "in control" of their children. Stress the "We" and realize that your MIL is there and you are not, so be patient and bide your time.

God bless.

Last couple of days I have not mentioned MIL, and just trying to continue filling WW love bank. WW told me today that she talked to OM, and he is moving to California, and that she is glad because it takes some of the pressure off of her. She said that she is getting pressure from all sides, including me, but I'm not giving her any pressure at all..I wanted to say, "Oh, poooor baby!", but held my tongue and just said thank you for telling me, and she said that she didn't want to lie to me about it. I told her I appreciated that. Getting better at holding my tongue when she tells me about OM, but not when it comes to MIL...God still needs to work with me on that...

MIL is about No. 217 on your list of priorities right now. I'm also going to suggest that you don't try to fight a battle over this now or ever. There are other ways. I believe that if MIL thinks you are making WW happy, she will support you. But you do need to work on the distance. I think once you are back in the USA, WW will be less resistant to the idea than she is now. At the moment, she is looking for all the support she can get and, unfortunately, you aren't an option at the moment.

That post was not really about MIL, it was about OM...

WW talked to OM again, and she said that she told him sorry for lying to him about us getting a divorce. She said that he cried and that she started crying and doesn't understand why. She doesn't feel anything for him anymore, and can't bare to look at him...I'm thinking to myself, bull#hit!!! Why are you talking to him then? She says that she knows she doesn't owe him anything, and again, I'm thinking to myself, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM THEN??????? She asked me why I was being so quiet and told her that I was just listening. It feels like peeling off a scab that isn't ready yet. He asks her to see him again before he leaves for California, and she said she told him no. I said I thought that was a good idea. She said she doesn't trust herself with him. She said she has hurt so many people that she loves and just wants to do the right thing. She said that she knows God is rebuilding our marriage and our relationship, and that it is the right thing. I just want to say, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM THEN???? I want to throw up...When I told her I was just listening, she told me that she wasn't lying and that she was just being honest with me. She asked me if I was mad, and I said no...Was I supposed to say yes? It wouldn't have made anything better...

Don't tell her you are mad. Tell her you are hurt but you are thankful she is being honest with you. Nothing wrong with that.

OM's can cry on demand. They really are smooth.

I thought it was getting easier, but I guess I was wrong. I guess she doesn't understand, or care how bad it hurts me. She told me how sorry she was the other night, and now, I don't want to hear it...Does that make me a bad guy?

Well I know very early on I refused to listen to WW when she said she was sorry. The reason is that, at first, she was still in contact. If she were truly sorry, my thought is that she would stop the behavior she was sorry for. So I'm guessing that, until she stops this A once and for all, her apologies do you more harm than good.