In November 2006 I found out my WH and an OW. I was told that they had been seeing each other a few weeks, but that he was ending it with her. We relived that same situation multiple times of course. Several times with him telling me it was over, several times me finding out, etc. You all know this script.
During all of this I did read a little on the MB website about Plan A and I TRIED to follow it, not completely perfectly. I wish I had known about this board so I could have gotten support.
I have been where you are. Mine was in October 2006 & I caught them in bed in our camper. I walked out without ever knowing who she was. I found out several weeks later. They did work together & she had pretended to be my friend when I turned to her for help because I knew her WH had done the same to her. I also found MB site & tried like you did. Now I am here to really learn what I need to do to get my marriage back on track. She was moved to another facility across town after Corporate found out about the A.
Also, we have not been having sex. He says that he feels dirty around me and doesn't deserve me, he also says that he feels like he has ruined us so badly that he doesn't know if it's fixable. I have read this site enough to know how to respond to the second thing-- what about sex? Should I try to, um, prove to him that I still want to? Or is just not into me any more?
Same thing I heard from mine. Now we do have sex when I ask for it but I'm not doing it to keep him with me, just to get my needs filled. He wants it to be in a hurry & makes sure to tell me afterward that it was just sex.
One minute he's sweet and loving and the next, everything I say or do is annoying him. He tells me he loves me, though he doesn't show it much.
I get a lot of "why do you still want me after all I've done," "I don't deserve you," etc. I guess I shouldn't respond with, "No, you don't deserve me." But that's what I want to say.
Also get the same from my WH. But I hang on to the belief that if he really didn't love me & didn't want me, that if leaving me was beyond a shadow of a doubt the right thing to do, he would have divorced me before Christmas. He is still here & even after a blow up Tuesday, says he will stay in our camper in the back yard until the divorce is final & he don't give a s*** what I think about it. Right now he is mad & does the opposite of what he says he will when he cools down. I am going to step up my Plan A & see what happens.
But in my case, OW has gone "fatal attraction" on him, he won't NC because he is afraid she will kill herself & he carries the guilt of her W/BH suicide in March. He doesn't want another one on his conscience. My MIL has offered me superglue so I won't react back at him with my big mouth (she has the same problem, LOL) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I'm just hanging in there, getting & using advice from the good people here & praying every day for recovery.