I have been around here for a long while. Mostly lurking out of morbid curiosity. I have now had situation arise where in I would like an opinion. It is a little complicated:

We have been good friends with Bob and Mary for many years and have seen their children grow to adults. One child, Sally got married to John a few years ago and had a child soon there after. Bob and Mary are well to do and Sally and John are not, as with most couples starting out. Bob and Mary take in a new friend, Bill, who is going through a rough divorce. Bill is at Bob and Mary’s house a lot. We notice that Sally spends a lot of time Bob and Mary’s house and in particular with Bill. Our friends, Bob and Mary, tell us that things are not working out between Sally and John and they are getting a divorce and Sally is moving in with them. It appears that Sally is spending more and more time with Bill. So from outside observation, it looks like Bob and Mary (and Sally) have decided that Bill would be a better husband than John and are facilitating the switch.

There is no abuse, no substance abuse, no infidelity on John’s part identified as a problem. Only that the marriage has never been good (revisionist). These people are our friends and we do a lot with them. We are neighbors so we see them often. They are of the same faith, and we have the assignment to watch over them. They (Bob and Mary) have asked for our council.

What the heck do I do? The easiest thing would be to just stand clear and watch and I don’t want to be a busy body. Any suggestions?

I have to think on this one, Bob. But in the meantime, what type engineer?

Jo

you tell John. Integrity is non negotiable. John has a right to know what is happening in his life and you have a right to NOT be friends with anyone that would help, hide or facilitate adultery.

I agree. She's having an affair. Duh.

Send her here!

Hey E_B,

Long time no see. My suggestion is to tell John, but to have a long heart to heart with your friends about how this looks and what you know about marriages, affairs, and the slippery slope they have encouraged their daughter to be on.

I am reminded of the honor code my school had "Never lie, cheat, steal, nor tolerate those that do." The reason this reminds me of that honor code is that one of the first things all freshman ask is "do you expect me to turn in my friends?" The answer if they put you in this position they are not your friend, and you WILL be thrown out if it is found you knew of their offenses.

My thinking is therefore colored by my education. You will NOT be much of a friend if you don't come forward and address what you feel is something wrong. If they cease to be your friends, then it is very likely they were not before. A true friend does the hard things for their friends, even if they don't like it at the time.

My recommendation is step up for you friends and their daughters marriage.

God Bless,

JL

Resiliant: Mech Eng.



Thanks all for the input. I guess I will speak with John. I am surprised how a group of folks can travel down a path that clearly has such a bad end.

Thanks again,

Bob