Hi LilSis,
I have not been on in a quite a while- took me quite a while to read back. I stopped in today because yesterday everytime I turned a corner there was a Vibe. Was wondering if that meant you needed lots of prayers yesterday- guess so.

Hang in there. You are doing just grand. Boy, do I understand the need to vent. Even this far into recovery- Saturday was an awful day- in her town shopping- feeling constantly on edge- yuck.

I have not written one of those ow hate letters in a long time- reading it today - hmmmm maybe I need to again. Maybe I should mail it this time? Nah, that would not be a good thing.

Honestly, I think you are doing great. You are still in my prayers even if I don't check in much anymore. Take care

I was listening to Dr. Bill Harley today and when he referenced this I about fell out of my chair! (not because of the law, because it has not been utilized in 36 years) !



Hang in there LilSis!

Ah heck Lilsis --

I've got all kinds of rotten thoughts about RT, and I don't even know her!

I hate her too!

Just because I like you and think she's one of the most devious, ugly, manipulative, b-word we've ever talked about on this board.

She's 100% yucky.

Sis,

When I saw the OW one day at my work, I walked past her. She realized that I had no intention of stopping. I said, "Hello".

Inside, I had my own little vent and later on a meltdown.

So I decided what I would do for future possible sightings. Since I am the Queen of Sarcasm (I was officially coronated), I decided that I would use this specific talent in this regard and put it in my arsenal. I imagine myself saying to her (not that I ever would - but just thinking about it takes me out of the funk):

If I see her in Wal-Mart, I will call for "Clean up on Aisle 7. Please bring the Haz-Mat squad."

Maybe I will just look at her very studiously and say, "Hmmmm. So much crap, I guess they should have started a second pile."

What a crappaganza - did anyone remember to send invitations?

Gee, and here I am without my sl*t protector shield.

If she's driving her car, I can beat the dashboard and say, "I thought I programmed my GPS to alert me when I got close to any toxic waste sites!"

You can make up your own.

Just remember - she only has the power you relinquish to her. Don't give her as much as a crumb.

SB

God must be testing me or something this week.

The stress of the D and the constant negotiations, with a looming deadline of a trial on Monday.

Needing to defend my position that weekday overnights is not good for the boys.

Seeing RT.

And, my sister coming to visit on Saturday, staying here with three kids and my mom. My house is a wreck (I told my mom that it is a wreck, and they can all decide if they want to visit or not...but I don't have the time or energy to clean it to the usual standards or do the necessary grocery shopping. = Saying no!)

Then last night, the boys come home from their time with WH and annouced that the dog and cat that USED to be our family dog and cat are now living with RT...that WH took them over there to visit the cat and pick up the dog so they could go for a walk. RT wasn't there.

Further, they announced that WH is still looking at this house, and they saw pictures of it on the internet, and they've chosen their bedrooms.

Further, WH announced to the boys that Uncle K, Aunt M and their three kids (incl. twin 11 y-o boys) are coming this weekend and they could see them on Friday night or Saturday morning.

Huh? It's MY weekend. And my sister is coming from Montana with her kids (incl. a 11 yo boy). My sister's family has been living overseas, so we have not seen them in two years.

In addition, DS11's first middle school dance is on Friday night.

I was so defeated last night. I just bawled. I'm totally exhausted.

This morning I woke up and WH and the unbelieveablity of what he has done was the first thing I thought of.

So I prayed. Prayed that God would take this away. Prayed that God would work to erase (or at least lessen greatly) the feelings of hurt and betrayal.

I can be fairly sure that I am not the first thing that WH thinks of in the morning.

I have to keep remembering--KEEP REMEMBERING--that what was done to me is not a reflection on me, but a reflection on the person who did it.

I prayed that God would take away the unbelievability. That I would stop being stunned by it--in general and each time WH does something hurtful. Take away the confusion and my need to "understand." To make sense of it.

Take away my need to see him suffer for what he's done.

That he's take away the feelings of betrayal by the ILs, whom I have not heard from in months.

I think with all the stress that I am particularly vulnerable right now, and the ugly messages have an easier time getting through.

When I think of all the people who have gone "poof," it is easier for the messages to get through: There must have been something wrong with me.

At least I am aware of how and why these messages are getting through...it makes it easier to defend against them.

LilSis,

(((hugs))).

I wish i had something useful and inspirational to say. Struggling myself lately.

Keep praying....and know that all your cyber friends are also praying for you.

Still

Thanks, still. You will be in my prayers as well.

You don't know how helpful it was to unload all of that this morning. All this stuff sort of bottled up, and then releasing it all first thing in the morning was really cleansing, and gave me some energy.

I also told DS11 (who came down for breakfast as I was typing) that for me, writing is a really helpful way to get out some of those emotions, and maybe he'd want to try it...or drawing, or talking.

I see no emotion or reaction from him about what is going on, and it frightens me that it could all be bottled up. That he inherited the denial/stomp down any emotion gene from his dad's side of the family.

I'd like to teach him more effective and healthy ways of coping. I try to get him to talk, but he doesn't seem to be very skilled at verbalizing his emotions....or he doesn't want to talk to me. I'm going to set them both up for counseling...now that everything is going to hit the fan, they will need it.

Anyway...it was so cathartic to unload all of that stuff that I accomplished quite a bit afterwards:

I cleaned out the refrigerator and took care of some bulky stuff that needed to go out to the curb for garbage day...stuff I kept forgetting to haul out there.

I called my sister and made arrangements for the gang to come on Saturday...as long as they were clear that the house might not be perfect and they have to bring the groceries.

I arranged for my sister to call WH and tell him that the boys can visit on Saturday morning until noon, and to give him the "what for" about talking to the boys about visiting with his side of the family on MY weekend without clearing it with me first.

My sister and I made plans for her to come on Monday AM for the trial, assuming it's a go.

I called and left a message with my attorney, to find out if he's heard anything from WH's attorney regarding my alternative offer to avoid the weekday overnights.

And while I was gulping down my Wheaties, I picked a random day in the book...it was about not being a victim.

God answering a prayer, maybe?

Sounds just like DD19. Sometimes I worry there is a volcano brewing in her.

Have a good day Sis.

My DS is very vocal, about everything, any pain, physical or mental.

I would just keep them talking as much as you can.

Chris, when I read your thread regarding DD19 and visit with WZ, and how she didn't want to talk about it at the bar, I can see that stuffing going on. DD19 is sarcastic, sure, which is a way of speaking your mind, but then it sounds like she shuts down when it's time to REALLY discuss. It WILL all come out one day, I would just fear for the person standing in front of her.

Talked to my A.

WH will not budge on the weekday overnights. Evidently since it was the ONLY thing the judge gave him, he wanted to pursue it regardless of whether or not it would really work either for he or the kids.

My attorney quoted WH's attorney, "You kicked my a$$ on four of the five things we asked for, so we are taking the fifth thing."

It's not about the kids, it's about winning.

Actually, that helps me a great deal. Now I know that we can give this a shot, but when it doesn't pan out exactly how WH envisioned, or when it becomes a pain in the a$$ to haul crap back and forth on school nights, or when it snows on his overnight and he doesn't have a spare set of boots...

when this isn't FUN for him anymore, then I can offer to have the kids at home, and he'll be fine with it.

Because legally, he got his WIN.

Whateva...

So everything is going to be drawn up, we go before the judge on Monday with the general settlement stuff, the final papers get drafted, and the judge will sign them...probably will take a week, maybe less.

I'm breathing just fine.

(((((((LisSis)))))))

WH is living in fantasy lala land. It takes a lot of energy to hold up a house of cards, and eventually it all does come crashing down.

You, on the other hand, are firmly in grounded in reality. I can't believe how well you are doing! I have inner strength, and have had to use it many times in my life, but I do not think I could have grown as far and as fast as you have, given your circumstances.

Be proud of YOU - you deserve it!

SHOL

Chrisner the Attorneys response:

"Well…….Yeah dude. My client is the only surviving parent left for these boys. Your client is a selfish, entitled hormone driven thoughtless teenager rutting with an ugly hash slinging pig. So it's time to kick your [censored] some more."


You have been a rock for your boys Sis. I am very proud to know you.

Their a$$es were kicked 4 times....who says it can't be kicked a fifth? Just because he is going to fight does not mean he will win.

Thinking of ya, Sis. Glad you are holding your own. Your thoughts about how it will probably turn out if he does win are most likely right on.

Fox

Sneaking in to let you know that I'm thinking about you and I'm soooo sorry that all of this stuff's going on...

I'm sure that it will work out to your benefit!

Sending warm fuzzies your way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nope, no more a$$ kicking here.

I'm crying uncle, but I'm okay with it. WH can have his fifth thing (and place it right next to where his head has been firmly planted for the last three years, if there's room anyway). We'll see how long he keeps it up before he tires of the arrangement. Meanwhile, I'll do everything I can to make it as smooth as possible for the boys.

BTW...my attorney's response was something similar, chris, only the phrase he used was "wh0ring around."

My attorney advised me not to take it to trial, even though he agreed the arrangement and the attorney's attitude was utter bull$hit. The judge has already indicated which way she'd go on the overnights, and WH's attorney would bring in ALL the settlement stuff--bringing all the financial stuff into play--if we went to trial. We'd likely lose on the overnights anyway, and why take the chance on losing anything else?

I can ALWAYS go back and have the visitation schedule revisited, but the financial settlement is forever.

I'm already planning a party for the 28th. I just sent out the email a few minutes ago, and have 3 yeses.

Hi Again! Like I said above I'm sure that it will work out the way it needs to be...

You'll be great!

Sis,

Giving the "appearance" of losing in order to win is a very long tradition in my line of work. Great tactic and I am so proud that you can see the benefit of it.

I have no doubt that you are right about it working out exactly as you envision. Nice to know that a fellow Angel kicked a little A$$!

Have a great weekend!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Kickin @ss...our speciality!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The things we do to take care of ourselves!!!

I know that there's alot of emotions with that but you know that you will be fine...just look at all of this wonderful support...

I can't wait to see what God has in store for you, me, BUGS...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sis ~ keep making good choices, keep making the high road choices. there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Btw, I recently got my daughter a Pembroke Welsh Corgi - the best decision I ever made - what a lovely little breed of dogs!!!! My daughter is scared of the dark and has nightmares...or did. The puppy is scared of the dark too - LOL - but when we put them to bed together, no fear, no nightmares from either!

I think kids going through rough times need a safe pal that offers unconditional love and comfort. Send your kids to counseling, but give them something untainted by RT to love on at night when the lonliness and the hurts kick in.

My boys became very close to their dogs when we were going through so much crap - I think for boys especially - they are not wired or conditioned to do well at sharing feelings, and a dog is VERY therapeutic.

Thanks, everyone. I'm still hanging in there, and making lots of plans to keep myself busy for the next couple of weeks. The support here is really invaluable.

I assume will have to put pen to paper on SOMETHING on Monday when the settlement is entered before the judge. That will be a very difficult moment, but I will do it. It will be the first document I've signed related to the D. I own that, too.

My main concern now...now that it appears the legal wranglings are mostly over...is for the boys, and the changes that THEY will face, now that they will be thrust into the reality of Turdville without me to protect them.

I will give them whatever tools I can, and encourage them to talk, talk, talk. Let them know that they can always talk to me, and try not to worry about hurting my feelings or telling me something that might hurt me.

One day at a time. Do what I can do today, and let God take care of the rest.

BR, you are SO right about the dog (I like Corgis, too; a guy down the street has one named Charlie). After finding out the other day that our former dog is now part of RT's family, I am so VERY relieved that we now have D, the black lab/chow mutt I got from the Humane Society. She is PURE affection. Nothing but love, love, love from that girl.

D sleeps with DS11, and the 14-yo cat sleeps with DS9. And when the boys are away, D is right by my side (not in my bed, though) all day long. Everyone is very happy with the arrangement.

I agree...best decision I made in a long time.

I'm sure having D lessens the blow to the boys that "their" dog is lost to RT and her kids, just like their dad.