Hey, Sis

You can crash my Christmas Eve. I'm making cinnamon rolls to give to neighbors and finishing up some wooden animals to give as presents. Not very exciting, but homey.

Merry Christmas LilSis

Still

Just so you all don't think I'm too pathetic, I'm home wrapping presents, watching some cheesy movie on Lifetime, drinking wine, and eating cheese and crackers while the boys are gone.

This is the first Christmas Eve in 14 years that I haven't been with ILs.

I'm really kind of enjoying it...

No dirty dishes laying around from all the stuff I made to bring to the IL celebration, no wrapping Santa presents at midnight, no nutty hyped up kids threatening to tip over my wine glass, no crabby husband who acts like he doesn't want to be here.

Life is good. Not nearly what I imagined, but good.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Merry Christmas Sis!! This is my first one alone - EVER, and I'm OK. I actually had a great dinner at the DR table on my good china. I had sea bass, rice, and salad. Let the dog lick the plate. Hey, she needs to celebrate the holiday somehow. Licking the plate is a real treat for her.

Now, let's see, what can I do next? I'll watch TV for a while, go dowstairs to my "creative" space and create something, start reading The Secret (I know, I'm late getting it), and then probably break down later at my pity party. I hope that I'm too tired to do that, but I feel it coming on. Oh well, have to shed some tears over the season I guess.

Glad that you are doing well tonight. Keep up the good work. You're an inspiration to many of us here....

Well, I'm having a quiet night. I had friends over earlier for a nice lunch, and now I'm just relaxing and enjoying Christmas Eve.

LOL, Chai, sounds like a nice night - the dog licking the plate. There ARE some advantages to being by yourself.

For my pity parties, I always plan ahead. I like some wine in a crystal glass, candles, and sad, sad music. But I usually pick a day when I'm not expecting anyone, so I don't have to go to the door crying.

Yeah, I suggested as much to Chai on her thread. I try to have "regularly scheduled meltdowns." Put on the sweats, take out the contacts, get the wine and a box of kleenex, and let the waterworks begin. If not sad music, there's always a movie that can help get the tears flowing.

(Heck, remember those old Hallmark card commercials they used to run? I'd always tear up at those. They could sell a dvd of old Hallmark commercials and market it to broken hearted women. They could make a fortune.)

Then take a Benadryl and go to bed. I feel much better in the morning. Everything always, always looks better in the morning.

Merry Christmas, LS!

~ Marsh

What I especially like about the Christmas season is all the diamond commercials. Those really make my day.

On a happier note, a dvd of old beer commercials (remember Stroh's?) would sell better.

Merry Christmas, Sis!

You all are too funny. I love the idea of a scheduled Pity Party though. Believer, you outdid yourself on that one. An upscale, elegant Pity Party. Love it!! You may have just given me a new business idea. Think I could sell Pity Party kits for the newly (or not so newly) betrayed?

Merry Christmas LilSis,

Scheduled pity parties.... now there's an idea. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Still

Are you kidding? Do they seriously not make Stroh's anymore?? That was sort of like kleenex when I grew up in the UP...the brand name = the product.

Ahhh, Stroh's!!

My dad had a fridge FULL of it in the basement for about 3 years. My sister's slowly stole out of it and he NEVER noticed because he NEVER drank it. Dad rarely had a drink, but he'd bought a bunch of it for some of his buddy's he had over once. THEY obviously didn't drink it either.

Ever hear of Blatz?? Or the big standby in my area, Schlitz or Red/White and Blue?

I've never really been much of a beer drinker myself. I am TOTALLY a WINO!

Of course!!! Blatz, RW&B, Schlitz....all of the above.

My dad would have a beer maybe once every two weeks or so, and had no preference as far as I can recall, but my older sister's boyfriends and friends were a little more discriminating. (if you can believe that)

I remember my sister once getting her boyfriend a case of Stroh's as part of his Christmas present. I guess Stroh's was high end beer among this crowd.

This was all in the late 70s of course...when the fact that the drinking age had just gone up to 21 was pretty much a joke. I'll never forget the image of that boyfriend sitting on the couch drinking a beer watching Terry Bradshaw beat the Cowboys...he was a huge Pittsburgh fan.

I only like girly beer. My personal fav is Leinie's Berry Weiss, but alas it's only seasonal. I got all the poker girls hooked.

Girly Beer! That's funny! The few times I like a beer is in the summer time when it's really HOT and the beer is VERY cold. Always have to split a beer at the ball game because it gets too warm.

However, it's not girly beer for me. I like Killian's Red, Turbo Dog, or Guiness. "Regular" beer is too filling for me and gives me a tummy ache!

Now, give me a nice dry champagne and I'll drink a case of it!

How are ya Sis? A Merry Christmas, all things considered?

Yes, a very Merry Christmas, all things considered. My mom's was very nice, as usual. We are very festive and like to go all out...so much food you want to explode, and after all the presents are unwrapped it looks like a Hallmark store actually did explode.

So I need advice. I may have made a bad choice.

This morning was the beginning of WH's two days with the boys. Thus, I am planning to work these two days (duh). I'll take Friday off and a couple of days next week when the boys are with me.

Typically, on a non-school day that the boys are with WH, he would pick them up in the morning, or when WH was living with his parents, I would drop them off on my way in.

This morning, I planned to go in to work around 10. It's slow at the office, and I can stay a little later than ususal, and the boys were exhausted and slept in until 8:45. At 9, I had DS12 call his dad to tell him that he could pick them up at 10.

They talked for a while; I wasn't paying attention.

After they hang up, DS12 comes upstairs to tell me that WH hasn't gotten ready yet, and so he'd pick them up sometime around 11.

Grrrrr....

I don't want to leave the boys alone for that length of time and count on them to pay attention to the clock and be ready to leave all on their own. I got them guitar hero and they are totally engrossed in it.

So I had DS call WH back and tell him that I would drop them off at 10 when I left for work. Evidently that was okay, and that's what I did.

Is this okay? I hate to put the kids in the middle, and I made it clear to DS that next time he's talking to his dad and there's a change in plans from what I was expecting, he needs to check with me first.

So DS12 knew I was angry at the change in plans and how it was handled. I assured him I wasn't angry at him, but from his point of view, I'm sure he was trying to defend his dad.

This is hot on the heels of their return home on Sunday, in the midst of a pretty brutal snowstorm, and DS9 returns without his snowpants, boots, hat or mittens. He had worn them to school on Friday, and WH got them after school.

Monday, with eight inches of new snow on the ground, I had DS9 call his dad and ask him to bring the outerwear. I know that WH was working, so I don't know how he managed it, but he dropped the stuff of an hour or so later.

I am concerned that WH is just being difficult to force me to communicate with him. In terms of kid stuff being left here or there, I figure the kids have some responsibility for that as well, so they can make their own arrangements with him to get whatever it is they left behind. Same with the Christmas present. You do your thing, I'll do mine.
I'm not going to bite.

But today...this is exactly why I wanted specific drop off times/arrangements specified in the agreement. I'm not interested in having to negotiate every time it's a non-school day. I'm not interested in accommodating HIM on HIS day, when I have things I need to do.

I know...I am making a huge deal out of nothing. I just feel a bit like he's trying to push my buttons lately, and I don't know why. I haven't done anything differently. I haven't asked him for anything. I've been accommodating when it works for me.

I think he's trying to use my darkness as a way to manipulate me; as if he can do what he wants because he knows I won't respond.

I don't want to bring in the intermediary. I think he would be delighted to know that he got to me, and that I'm still such a wus that I have to go to the intermediary to do my talking for me.

I think a non-response is the best response, and that's been my strategy all along. If what he wants is no skin off my nose, I just go along with it, even if it was annoying. But in a case like today, what HE wanted wasn't going to work for ME.

Is it okay, or is it unfair, to have the boys call and make new arrangements?

Hi LilSis -

Why couldn't they stay home alone and maybe WH could have called them when he was leaving his house, or once he's waiting in the driveway?

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that he got to you.

I could have done that, and perhaps I should have. I'm trying to figure out how much of it was my emotional reaction, and how much of it is truly justified.

I'm not really crazy about the idea of leaving them alone prior to being gone for two days. If it had been for only 15 minutes or so, fine. But this wishy-washy....sometime around 11 crap...I want to know when I leave for work that they are settled, attended to, or will be so in short order.

Then there is that other piece about not wanting him to just call the shots however he likes it. Today was HIS day. HE'S supposed to be responsible for them today. Not being able to pick them up for two hours because he "hasn't gotten ready yet" is pretty lame.

I planned to go in to work with the understanding that it was HIS day, and precedent is that they go with him around 9:00.

I don't want to set a new precedent, whereby WH picks up and drops off according to his whim. He can leave them to their own devices when they are at his house, but not at mine.

Am I off base and reacting emotionally, or is this a legitimate concern?

I think it's a little bit of both, but I don't think you're totally off base. Maybe he *is* trying to push your buttons. Trust your gut, you know him best.

Try to let this one go with a big ol' whatever and see if it happens again.

These games will stop eventually. Especially if you don't bite. It's not fun unless he can get a rise out of you.

I think it possible if not probable that he's not actually trying to push your buttons. It could just be behavioris guyus.

Either way, I think not responding is the best course of action. What would you hope to accomplish? If he makes a habit out of it, sure, but the schedule is all messed up because of the holidays, right?

I have several ideas, but I'm not sure which is best. The SCQ and I send text-messages to handle schedule stuff like this. These are pretty safe for me--short and to the point. On the other hand, you're trying to stay totally dark. I don't know what to tell you other than that I agree communicating through the boys isn't best.

Let this one go. Next time there's going to be schedule ambiguity, work it all out in advance and have an intermediary communicate it?