Good point...AND this "friend" who betrayed me was part of the same circle as CL.

In fact, the circle consisted primarily of RT, CL and I. (Turns out, WH was sleeping with two of us.) And RT and CL were the closest of the three.

As DS12 would say, "AWKward!"

You are wise to guard your heart. It is normal and healthy.

I dumped several "friends" after D-day. To me, friendship means a lot, and takes a lot of time, and I just decided to expend my time and energy on people who were better friends.

Morning, Sis! I was here to see if silentlucidity had checked in after surgery yet (she hasn't) and thought I would pop in and see how the discussion was going without me.

I think all the points made have validity. TA was much more clear in making the points I was beating around the bush to get to. Although sometimes beating around the bush allows the other person in the conversation to think harder and come up with their own conclusions. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope this discussion was helpful to you - I didn't want to drag it out longer than was really necessary and beat a dead horse. You're initial response to CL was just fine, IMO. Like I said, you did much better than I think I would have.

The discussion helped me quite a bit - understanding and getting a grip on the pendulum issue. Believer nailed me with that one.

I went from a certain amount of martyrdom to "well, if it isn't good for ME, than it isn't happening". There has to be a middle ground. No giving to excess and no taking in excess either.

You did fine and you continue to do just fine. I'm still learning right along with you and dissecting what happened with you for my own learning purposes - not to tell you what you should do.

I COMPLETELY understand the once bitten, twice shy feeling. Then I recognized that is FEAR. Still, completely undertandable.

CL may be someone that is not worthy of your friendship. Or maybe she is worthy but you just don't have room for her right now. That's okay, too.

It's all good, Sis. You're a gem. Thanks for sharing your sparkle with us.

Fox

I'm really glad you started the conversation, fox. It's been enlightening to me as well.

I'm still thinking about it, because I can learn from it. This wasn't the only relationship that took a beating, so I might as well use this as a motivator to help me examine where I want to be and the kind of person I want to be as all these layers are peeled away.

I can't cocoon myself forever, as much as I'd like to.

Lilsis and Mr W...thanks for the info. I just got this from the seller...does it seem right (is nice to be able to find a place where waterfront property is not priced ridiculously!)?

There is a blacktop driveway down to the river with a dock about 22 feet that has to be taken in for the winter. It is a very simple process. The water level varies so much year to year. This past summer was very low due to NO Rain, but right now I would say it is about 3 ft deep. The neighbor to the west had his 32 ft SeaRay on his dock until the end of June due to the lack of rain. I would say that if you are considering having anything deep bottom at the end of the dock would be difficult to plan. Across the river it is about 6-8 feet normally. You can navigate to the Gravel Pit (2 miles) and then buoyed all the way to Lake Michigan. The Gravel Pit, as it is known, is an awesome place to ski, tube, swim, etc. If you have any questions, please give us a call and if you are interested in the house, call me personally as we are selling by owner with a MLS listing

What's the draft of your boat?

I was always the passenger, so what I know of boating is just what I picked up from being along for the ride for about five years. But we did do the Spring Lake/Fruitport out to Grand Haven, and Grand Haven up the Grand River many times.

This year the water levels were at record lows. They have been very low for several years. If it were me, I wouldn't count on them going up any time soon. That's a pretty big risk, if it's a deal breaker for you.

It sounds as if your seller is about two miles (is that nautical?) from the marked/dredged portion of the river.

I am not familiar with a "gravel pit" anywhere along the Grand River that is NOT a slow no wake zone. There is a gravel mining area just beyond the Grand Haven channel, but that is slow no wake.

I just pulled out my Grand River chart, and don't see anything there that looks like a gravel pit. Most of the deeper water areas are called bayous, both on the chart and from local lingo (a very good friend of mine is selling a house on the navigable portion of the river...FYI...huge yard...Grand Haven schools...dock).

I don't know how you feel about it, but WH (who was a cautious boater) would never navigate in an area that was not marked. I guess if you are very comfortable and know the area well (as you would be if you lived there), then it would be okay, but the Grand River IS a river, and if it is not marked, you are taking your chances, IMO.

You just don't know what you are in for...and with the low water levels....

I'm sure WH would tell you everything you needed to know, because he was very familiar with the whole area, and he is ALWAYS Mr. Helpful....but.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

3 ft.

thanks Lilsis. that is helpful. I think it will be a deal breaker for me.

what nice towns would be a little closer to Lake Mich...I really want a property on the water with access to a big body of water like the Lake.

Grand Haven.
Spring Lake.
Fruitport.
Muskegon (which has Muskegon Lake)
Norton Shores.
Mona Shores.
Whitehall (White Lake).
Holland (Lake Macatawa)

My friend's place is right on the river....

Waterfront property with access to the big lake is going to cost you, even in this market.

When you say "big body of water," you do understand that Lake Michigan is a really, really big body of water? Too big, too rough, and too cold for a lot of watersports like skiing or tubing. People do it, but usually that's done inland.

What kind of boating do you want to do? Fish? Ski? Tube? Cruise? Prioritize these. Seems to me that's the place to start...and then maybe prioritize the other factors you want, because you can only boat about 4 months out of the year.

cruise.

I don't mind rivers...they are nice so long as they are not just navagable for twenty miles. I like to cruies/anchor & spend the weekend on the boat away from everything.

Well, Grand Haven/Grand River area doesn't quite qualify as "away from it all." It's busy...very busy...all boating season long.

I'm thinking if that's what you are looking for, you need to go north. Pentwater, Ludington, and Manistee are beautiful. Frankfort, Onekema, Petoksey, Harbor Springs...you take your pick.

They are more tourist-y towns. Quaint. Far away from anything urban. They can be "chi-chi." Some of the most beautiful places are inland lakes: Torch Lake, Elk Rapids, Crystal Lake (Beulah/Benzonia). These are big inland lakes.

Call a realtor. That's what you need to do, if you are serious about this.

I did Lilsis..but they are like sharks out there right now...plus they lie. I will check those towns, thanks.

Medc, if you want, I will do some digging for you. I live and work in the coast line of towns that LilSis listed. I am one week away from starting power squadron for the season and a group I meet with from the Coast Guard. My family are serious boaters of this entire area. I live one block off of Lake Michigan.

I have a house full of out of town company right now but I can give you some ideas in a couple of days.

The realors are a hungry group right now, for sure.

I would appreciate it. Thank you.

I like the names Elk Rapids and Torch Lake.

LS:

I wanted to apologize.

I thought CL was a friend from church who you were friends with and who didn't get in contact with you after Dday, when you could have used a kind word or shoulder.

I didn't realize that you, RT and CL were like the three ......?

That changes everything about what I suggested earlier. I was not as fully informed about your prior R with CL.

She's can be considered toxic by you. Others in your life who were more "friends" of you and your family would be ones to extend an olive branch too.

If my post caused consternation, I'm sorry. That wasn't my intent.

LG

PS: MEDC, Do you have to be so obvious?

huh?

WOW, that's all sounds like some real fun...

perhaps I'll have to make my next trip in you all's direction! LOL

i'm a country girl you know...rough and tough, down in the dirt YET evening gown material! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

:she's got a Goddess heart now!: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

How are you doing SIS?

beautiful day in LA with my guys win last night! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sis,



What's up girl??????

Hey, Bugs. Thanks for checking. I hadn't realized it had been so long since I posted.

I do keep up with things. January just seems like a busy time. We quickly got back into the swing of things...good thing.

I got another big envelope in the mail yesterday from my attorney. A revised copy of the final papers to review. There's still one thing I want clarified: right of first refusal. WH's attorney stated it so that the trigger would be an overnight...I want it at four hours. I do not want there to EVER be an opportunity for RT to have them for a day.

WH's attorney also asked that we sign something to get the D final even though the pension papers haven't been drawn up yet. He wants to "get it done" before the end of the month.

I'm not in any rush; evidently WH is. I want to get a new pair of glasses (a back up to my contacts) before I lose my very generous/union-sponsored health care plan, and have to go to the HMO offered by my work. No vision coverage.

WH wants (not surprisingly) to file a joint tax return. Initially I said yes (through my attny), but after doing some research, I think I will go Head of Household. WH's only option will be to file Married/separately. Too bad for him. I think I'll end up in about the same place filing HoH as if I filed jointly and split it 50/50.

Keeping my fingers crossed; my estimate showed me getting a nice sum back from the feds.

I had my sister request to WH that I get the boys for my birthday weekend, which would ordinarily be WH's weekend. The boys have Fri. Mon. Tuesday off adjacent to the weekend, so we are planning to go to the UP to visit my sister. That will be fun. She pointed out that he will have them for spring break, when is planning a trip to AZ to see the ILs. He agreed.

I also had my sister request to WH that he take DS12 to CCD when he has the boys on Mondays. The boys have had no religious ed, so this is a first, and I just signed them up over Christmas. WH's response to my sister, "Yeah sure, I'll do that. I don't hate Catholics."

Huh? ....whatever. How odd.

I also started DS12 seeing a counselor. My sister informed WH of this as well, providing all the contact info for the counselor.

I got a nice card from BIL/SIL, saying they missed me at Christmas. I had been intending to call them anyway, so this gives me even more motivation.

That's my life in a nutshell. Pretty mundane. I signed up for an online diet thing to track my eating habits and caloric intake, and got a pilates reformer. My weight is not a problem, but I would like to lose about 8 pounds...and more important, get toned.

The poker girls are planning a trip to Ikea at the end of February. We had poker on Monday. Went out to lunch with LK yesterday. Spent the weekend with the boys and another friend from work and her kids.

I'm not Done, but I've pretty much Let Go, I think. Maybe not. I still think about it a LOT...but really only when I'm alone or it's very quiet.

I'm working very hard on just having faith; trusting God that things will work out. I have a really hard time NOT worrying about things that are not TODAY: will I be alone forever? how will that affect the boys? will the A ever end or are they 3%ers?

Stupid stuff. The good thing is that I recognize that it's stupid stuff, and not TODAY.

I am so, so, very, very grateful for the blessings I do have. This is what I try to turn my focus towards when my mind starts spinning in the wrong direction.