Wake Up. Glance at empty space on bed with impression of BS (who has already gone to work).
Look in mirror, fail to see guilt on face of betrayer.
Get dressed into clean, fresh smelling clothing provided lovingly by BS.
Drive to work.
Phone or be phoned by OP.
Talk to BS, act like everything is fine. What BS doesn't know can't hurt them right?
Drive Home to lovely home provided by BS. Sit down to dinner with wonderful meal prepared by BS.
Try to imagine what life with OP would be like vs. BS. Can't really do it, doesn't really look attractive at all.
Still, OP is so in love, needs me so much, thinks I am wonderful, and what BS doesn't know can't really hurt them right?
Get on plane for business trip. OP joins me. We have to be careful that no one I know sees us together. OP resents this secrecy, I lock away the shame of what I am doing in a dark place. By the end of the trip, I am relieved to be getting on the plane, away from OP.....going home to where there is comfort, and BS.
Repeat for about 4 months......
Wake up and wonder how did I ever get into this mess, and how am I going to escape.
Go to work. OP calls, I try to suggest ending the A, OP threatens suicide, threatens to expose to BS.
Reality sets in, BS is going to know, what is BS spouse going to do?
I have to keep OP happy so they don't tell. I am angry at myself, I am angry at BS, I am angry at OP. Why doesn't BS rescue me from this mess.
Continue for two more months.......
Oh God, OP has once again flown across the country to disrupt my life. Have to make up some excuse for a short notice weekend away from home or face having OP show up at my home.
Have to use best friend who doesn't approve of affair as excuse for trip. They don't like it, friendship is suffering.
Three more weeks.....
I end A. OP is pressing, calling my office, pestering my coworkers....why did I ever do this, it is going to destroy my life.....how am I going to tell BS the truth after all this time....what will BS do?
BS knows, I didn't have to tell, BS knows, BS called me at work. I am afraid to go home, afraid not to, yet I am relieved that I didn't have to tell BS, it is easier for ME this way.
I get home....I see the total devastation that used to be my strong, supportive, wonderful S. What? How could I have done this? What was I thinking? How can I go back and undo this terrible thing that I have done?
I can't, and I will relive the horror everytime I see pain in the eyes of my BS....because I will know that I was the one that put it there.
