Three years ago my husband came home and told me he didn't love me anymore after 13 years together. I was shocked but in a way relieved to know what had been wrong with him for months. He denied that there was anyone else involved. I asked him to leave and he went to his parents. A week later his phone bill arrived and I opened it and found out he'd been texting and phoning a woman constantly for a fornight. A further week later he visited and broke down. To cut a long story short I took him to the doctor who said that he was suffering from depression and was in the midst of a breakdown. He didn't work for 3 months. I felt that I had to take him back. When he was feeling better we discussed the OW. He said that it was just phone calls and a couple of meetings. He insisted that he didn't even kiss her and that his mind was all over the place. He told me that the way he was he wouldn't even have been capable of anything else with anyone. This helped because the I see the OW everyday, although I don't know her. Well it was difficult but after some counselling we decided to rebuild. We have both lurked in this website ever since, although me more than my husband. My husband was the model husband again, making every effort to reassure me and meet my emotional needs. Then three months ago I had to go to the doctor and he did some routine tests for STDs. I was stunned when one came back positive. (I have only ever slept with my husband in my life) My husband eventually admitted that he had had sex while we were separated and totally stunned me by informing me that it was a different woman altogether. He insists that as soon as sex started he realised it was a mistake and couldn't finish, he got dressed and left (I find this hard to believe) I feel that his illness may have accounted for his behaviour at the time but not the deceit that followed. we agreed on an honesty policy! He seems to think that since we have stayed together these past three years that it's water under the bridge. I asked him to leave again and I'm being accused of being the family wrecker!! I feel that the past three years work has been wasted and I have absolutely no trust left. I don't know if I can or should start working on my marriage all over again. Is it worth it? Sorry this is so long but I have no-one I can talk to. Help!

What STD did your H give you that laid dormant for 3 years?

He gave me chlamydia, my doctor says that this can remain undetected for years. In hindsight I did have some symptoms but it really never occurred to me that I could have an STD. How naive!

D93,

Welcome to MB. Sorry that this has happened to you. I, like many folks here feel that it really is the lies that affect us most deeply.

I'm sure that this has left you feeling that everything you believed in was unreal. My WH spent our entire relationship trolling for willing OW and finally ended up having an 8-month PA with a nutjob.

We made the mistake of thinking that we could recover on our own, just because the A was over and he had "learned" from the experience.

Well, I recently learned that he was once again contemplating the initiation of email correspondance with a divorced woman whom he went to high school with.

We are back to square one and I am really struggling to figure out whether or not I want to even try to recover our marriage.

We are counseling with Jennifer, but frankly, I'm not sure I really want a life with this man any more.

Sorry, this isn't very helpful....but I wanted you to know that you have lots of company here.

WHo