Hi Starpony,<P>I don't know how to do the hyperlinks to cards, and the Card fairie caught a bus to Vegas via Dallas, I think.....<P>So in her absence I am wishing you a very treasured anniversary from all your friends here at Marriage Builders.<P>You have made it to this mile marker which has been a real uphill battle this year, and YOU deserve a congratulations and an applause. <P>It's still an uphill climb, but I just want you to know that we celebrate your day of your marriage with you, with warm thoughts and lots of applause. <P>You are incredible, and I want you to know that.<P>M4B

Happy Anniversary, Starpony!<P>I hope you will take time today to remember over the years of your marriage with fondness. <P>You are a credit to your marriage, and your husband is a fool!

M4B and Ani -<BR>Thanks dear friends. It has been a happy one!! H gave me a beautiful jewelery box and an even more beautiful letter. While I still do not know if the OW thing is over, nor has he asked to move back in - I know his hope for the future is that we can rebuild our lives together. For now, I am just going to enjoy the day - as things progress (assuming they continue to) I need to know what he is willing to do to accomplish this. And what he expects me to do as well.<P>Thank you for your continued support and friendship. Both are priceless.

Hi Starpony -<P>Happy Belated Anniversary.....<P>Sorry, I didn't get here yesterday.<P>I am glad that it was acknowledged and for the gift and letter he gave you..that's wonderful.<P>Your answers will come in time!!<P>Enjoy these moments and they're needed to give the old brain a rest once in a while from all this!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>PS APPLAUSE and Ovation for all you have accomplished!!!!!

Starpony! What have I missed!? I've been gone so long, I find that in my absense, voila'! Has there been steps toward reconcilliation???? Oh rejoice! Bliss! <BR>I don't know why I am tearing up like this when I don't even have details, however, I want so much for you and all the others to have the recovery I am enjoying.<BR>I will be praying for you and your H. The fog is lifting. He is realizing that you are the best thing that ever happened to him and you are his Once in a Lifetime. Love catnip

Happy Be-lated Anniversary Starpony & your H. It's so nice to hear that you both spent it together and had a great time!

Happy Belated Anniversary from me, too!!<P>I'm so glad that your H seems to be turning around!!

Sheba - thanks - I graciously accept the applause. I try to just enjoy the ride - when it's possible. <P>Catnip - Please don't get too excited yet (I'm trying not to!) your words are always so touching and I can't mess up my mascara this early in the morning. But yes, these are definitely steps toward reconciliation. Thanks for your prayers.<P>No Trust and Sweetpea - Thanks - time will tell I guess.<P>OK - <BR>Here's a more in depth expose of the weekend. Would be interested in your thoughts:<P>Positive:<BR>H hopes we can reconcile. <BR>Has been missing me and the kids immensely.<BR>Talked about our moving away together when he gets a new job.<BR>Wondered what the dangers are of reconciling too quickly or too slowly.<BR>Stayed at the house the entire weekend.<BR>Realized and thanked me for always being there for him over the past year.<BR>Minimized the long-term unhappiness he had complained about in the marriage - said those things were there, but were nothing compared to the acute hurt he has inflicted on me with the affair.<BR>Said part of his leaving was his inability to imagine my forgiving him for this hurt.<BR>Asked me if I could ever trust him again - or love him in the same way (I said I don't want us to love each other in the same way - but in a better way, that fills both of our needs. I really didn't know how to answer the trust one - I ask myself this too).<P>Negative:<BR>Said he still sometimes feels trapped and restless.<BR>Worries that if we get back together I will never forgive him - or he will never forgive himself.<BR>Worries that the guilt he feels about hurting me will keep him from expressing his needs/wants - that he will try to make me happy at his own expense.<BR>Bottomline, I can sense he is not yet ready to take the plunge and commit. But he is getting closer.<P>We did not have most of this conversation until last night - the rest of the weekend was really low key and very enjoyable. And he was starting to feel tense and uptight, so we agreed to set it aside for a bit. Any thoughts on where this might be headed next? He seems to feel so good and able to enjoy himself one moment - then so awful and guilty the next. I really don't think we can ever really be together and love each other until he forgives himself - right now, I think he sees me as a reminder of his failure. What do you all think about staying separated and "dating" each other? Moving back in(remember he hasn't suggested this)? And, when should I/ how should I ask about OW status - interestingly, I am not obsessed about this like I was before the separation - but I know if he moved back in I would feel differently.<BR>Do I just sit back and see how this plays out? Help!?

Ok, Ok, I got busted.... YES, I took the bus to Vegas, and you guys ran off & left me there <P>Starpony,<BR>I'm sorry this is late..... but you know we all love you!<P> <A HREF="http://www1.bluemountain.com/cards/box6953c/imw6xjszjbtgwr.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www1.bluemountain.com/cards/box6953c/imw6xjszjbtgwr.htm</A> <P>Better late than never Hugs & Kisses,<BR>TCF<P>------------------<BR>If you have a special occasion, or see someone here who could use a card... please e-mail me at card_fairie@hotmail.com. <BR>Hugs & Kisses,<BR>TCF

Hi Starpony: You're incredible. I love how you seem to be handling this. As I am forever the optimist, when I am disappointed, I am devastated. But that rarely seems to happen. I don't know why except perhaps I project positive and the rest somehow falls into place. It's also very incredible how all my prayers have been answered. Sometimes I think God has answered my prayers just to get me off His back because when I pray, I PRAY. And when I pray, I pray for myself and for all of us on this forum. Storming the heavens.<BR>What to expect next seems to be fairly standard from what I have been reading. It seemed to be right on target with my situation. My H was ambivalent about returning home. He wanted to come home but was sure it wouldn't work. He didn't think I could ever forgive him (I could and did), he didn't think things would ever be the same (they aren't but in some ways better), he didn't think it would last more than a few months. Well, the jury is still out on that one. It's been ten months and we survived the five month withdrawal which was as painful as the fling itself. Since mid-June, somehow we have gone back in time to our beginnings and it's been very romantic and very intense. He's very passionate and remorseful and connected and involved with me. It is just like it was before he began drinking. We still have many obstacles to overcome i.e. the OW's baby, financials, but most of all my new found depression. I don't let on how deeply sad I am and how broken hearted I am because he's doing so well and I don't want to regress into withdrawal or worse. I come on this board to vent and let go of my pain, my hope etc. His withdrawal was so hard to go through because one minute he was wonderful, the next moment it was the "I don't think this is going to work" complete with the cold, distant stares and even hostility towards me. He believed too much damage had been done for us to reconnect, even though he wanted it. I remember telling him in late May after a particularily nasty evening of rejection, coldness and hostile behavior and negative comments about the survival of the marriage that I thought (Major LB coming)he was a coward for not fighting for our marriage and helping us get through this and that he didn't have any faith or any gratitude that we had found our way back to eachother, and how could this be after all we had been to each other for so long, blah, blah, blah. It didn't make him leave, it made him think. It didn't change anything until mid-June when someone on the MB forum suggested I print out one of my posts "My Once in a Lifetime", so I did. I left it on the dining room table and took off up north to the woods for a couple days. While I was gone he called my cell phone a half a dozen times looking for me but being in the woods with the bears, there was no service. When I got closer to the city, my cell service kicked in and I retreived my messages. He left me messages telling me how READING what was in my heart impacted him completely...the power of the written word...that seeing how I felt in print made such a difference. This way I could say exactly what was in my heart without sobbing and he could process, re-read and think about what I was saying without interruptions. I am sorry for getting so long winded (again!) but it's my style <BR>What I really want you to know that when your H comes home (and it does look like he will) there will be several months of back and forth, push you away, pull you back, warmth, coldness, involvement, rejection and it will be a rollercoaster. But it won't always be like that. They do eventually come out of it. Somedays you'll feel that it just isn't worth it and you'll be sorry you even considered letting him come home because, after all, why are you being put through so much BS again, after all HE did all this, not you. Then he'll snap out of it again and you'll be blissed out and grateful that you stayed in and that your family is going to be OK again. You'll love those special moments of reconnecting that will be so warm and loving and remember all the history you've shared. But you do get through it and it does stabilize if you both work at it. He has to stay grateful that he was lucky enough to be able to come home where he has a woman like you who stayed the course and didn't throw away the marriage after all he had done. It's a lot of back and forth for a while and it will be rocky at times. Just ride the tide and stay strong and keep posting to keep your balance and to keep you from doing too much LB. I'll be storming the heavens for you. Love catnip <BR>PS Waterproof mascara works well however, you need paint remover to get it off

Catnip - Somehow I missed your post and didn't see it until today. Thank you for your heartfelt words. You know, just this weekend my H mentioned that he wished I had written him more letters. I felt so clueless all of a sudden - of course!! he always expresses his deepest feelings in letters to me - why didn't I recognize this "love language" and reciprocate more often.<P>I had already decided to express myself to him in this way more often. Your post just further reinforced this for me.<P>I remain so happy for you and your H - you are incredible too!<BR>thanks,<BR>Starpony