My story.Together 22 yrs,married 17. two sons(15 and10).Marriage great for 15 years, last two years are a car crash. Firstly I have looked at my self and can admit that I contributed towards a climate where we lost trust in each other. We stopped talking and caring for each other. I guess I wasn't confident that I was good enough in bed for her and I always strove to make sure she was satisfied whilst never really knowing what I wanted. I felt I was missing something and instead of talking to her I started to look at images of "normal" people not super bodies to see what normal people got up to. Big mistake. Huge mistake. My wife discovered these sites and obviously felt ugly and unwanted which is so far from the truth. she looked at these normal women and has told me she thought i wanted them not her.I never lusted after these images, i just got obsessed as to what others were doing. I now realise how painful this must have been for her and i regret it so much.
During this period my wife lost her mum to cancer and she suffered a relapse with her MS. All these things made her venerable. So that’s the background. Now the even harder stuff. During sept 05 to sept 06 I knew we were having problems but couldn’t seem to do anything about them. We didn’t really row we just seemed to exist. During this time a “friend” of the family took more interest in my wife than me, made her feel great and eventually started a physical affair sometime around August last year. D-Day was Oct 1st 06 when I confronted my wife who admitted the affair but refused to tell me who it was.
The next few months were intense and my wife agreed to end the relationship and try again. During this period we found each other again, lovemaking was better, closer more meaningful and she told me a couple of times that she loved me. I didn’t know about this site then so didn’t make the most of the opportunity. At some point she made contact with him again and has started calling him again. I now know who it is. She refuses to leave(I don’t want her to anyway) but refuses to stop contacting him. He has split from his wife and is living apart. I’m trying to be the loving husband but I don’t know how to break this fantasy she’s in. We sleep in the same bed, we hug and some days even appear normal. I have been to relate once and I am waiting to start counselling. Anti depressants have helped with the pain, but I seem to be in a dream state unable to bring her back or change the situation. What a mess. Help

I am sorry for your situation, mate, but this is a good place for you at this time. Theres a LOT you can do to affect your situation !

My first question is this : from what source do you know OM is separated from his wife ?

If its is YOUR WW, she is probably either lying, or passing on a lie from OM.

Exposing to someone in OMs life is the best way I know of to support no contact. Find out all you can independently of your WW.

You need to do some reading up, mate. Click Here for MB basic principles are a great place to start.

In case it helps, I assembled a set of great resources that helped ME in your situation Click here for BS toolkit . It might help.

Read up and apply plan A first. Its a way to remind your WW what a great spouse you can be, while also restoring your dignity.

Theres some homework ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Have faith, my own situation was really cacky, now we have a loving marriage. MB can work BRILLIANTLY.

All blessings.

The om wife was a friend of the family. She had been to our house some months ago to beg my wife not to steal her husband. I of course believed my wifes story that it wasn't him and i couldn't prove it. The om wife rang me up a few weeks back before i discovered the affair was back on to apologise for inferring that my wife was involved. she told me he had left but she knew her husband so well after being married for so long that she was convinced my wife was not invloved!!Seems like i'm not the only idiot.I havn't disclosed this to her yet as my son was doing important exams at school and i didn't want to screw them up for him.I am reading as much as i can and i really do appreciate the input. thanks

So i guess my next question is, how do i get her to stop seeing other man. Do i expose to everyone and risk massive LBer, do i call her Dad, call the OM's wife, just keep the warm loving husband plan going?? Do i ever wake up from this living nightmare? wow what a ride this is!!I love this woman so much and in many ways i'm looking forward to the rebuilding cos i think our lives will be so much better. If only she could see that.

Read up on plan A. Yes, you expose to everyone who can influence your wife and OM to end their affair. You also identify what your wife's EN's are, and work hard to meet those.

thanks Owl.Plan A ain't easy is it.whilst all is calm atm i feel i shouldn't rock the boat bacause that will bring the agro and pain. What a wimp!! 6ft 1 and 17 stone yet i couldn't stop crying for the first 4 weeks.And i can't face confrontation with the OM cos i'm scared what i will do.Best wishes to all others going through this cos this is crap!! Any clues on how to tell the OM's wife without it becoming a massive LBer?

UKB

Just tell OMs wife. No WS like exposure but it has killed more affairs than just about any other action I know of.

Read the stuff about exposure in the link I posted you earlier.

telling OMW is not a LB

That is the first lesson in Plan A figuring out what are LB's and what aren't

You telling OMW is protection for your family