I was just checking to see if anyone know how nasty D can get? She was the one who tore my heart when she I wanted this to be as easy as possible, but WW is the one who left and wants all she can get! This is what’s going on..

Ok, we initially agreed on what we would split up, to which I said that’s fine. Now fast forward 4 months, she wants the other half of the dishes that we got for our wedding and half of my 401K. Which she initially said that she was not going to take half of the 401K. My L told me in the beginning that I was being very generous to her by letting her take what she wanted and not getting half of what I deserved.

Now that she wants the 401K, I will loose $2K of that and she will gain $2K. I never knew that she was so greedy, all of this just to get 2K I’m going to get half of her bonuses from her job, half of the marriage debt will get split in half (I was going to take my $12K of CC debt and let her have her $5K of CC debt). The bank accounts will be split down the middle, I was paying all the utility bill in the house including the mortgage, her student loans, her car payment and her car insurance. This is with her making $25K a year more that I was. So she said that she would put most of her money in savings for us and she took all of that when she left.

She also had some cosmetic surgery in 2004, boob job, tummy tuck and a thigh lift, that was $18K. She got a loan for $15K and took $3K of marital property to go and get that done. My L said that she have to pay me back for half of that. I know all this is fair by law buy do you guys think that my L is going too far with this?

Hmmm...

Have you looked into divorce mediation?

My XH and I came up with our own agreement - well my attorney did based on what I deemed fair (and I was more than fair with XH - attorney even said I was too kind) and XH agreed to it - although later he said it was screwing him - but he signed the papers without a gun to his head.

There are mediators that specialize in divorce. It's cheaper I think to go that route than to duke it out in court and let a judge decide. If you can come to an agreement, then the divorce hearing is simply the judge asking you if you both agree to the divorce, and the papers you file with it as the agreement to separate property and debt etc.

I think in a mediation situation, each spouse lists their wants/needs and then the mediator sifts through them and tries to come up with something that you both can agree upon. It would have to be a give and take situation - nobody can get all the marbles, as it were, but these folks are trained to deal with exactly this sort of thing.

Hope this helps,

JinGA

JinGA,

Thanks for the reply, we have a mediation scheduled for next month. I think she will try to fight tooth and nail not to give up the money that she ran away with!

My suggestion is to gather up all the paperwork you can to support your claims. If you have receipts or whatever for the medical procedures etc., the more proof on paper for this and that, the less it will be for her word against yours.

Document, document, document.

Glad you're going to mediation - be ready, but also remember that these folks are accustomed to dealing with parties that want to take all the marbles.

If mediation fails, then it would be put to a judge I suppose - I don't know, never been through the mediation process - but if you're paying a mediator (who hired the mediator? Dunno if that matters but if you hired them, I would think that's an advantage?), it would behove the mediator to .... mediate <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

If she will not be reasonable even though she is the one who is committing adultery, and ruining your marriage then I would go for her throat. Depending on what state you are in "fault matters". If you are fortunate enough to be in one of those states then you can get a mean azzed attorney and let her know you will be victimized no more!

Shes,

Let your lawyer do his thing. Your negotiation position should be tougher than a left turn into a shopping mall.

Regardless of the stance you take, you will second guess yourself either way.

Demand more than you want so you can settle for what you deserve.

I have all sorts of recipts and document, I got my stuff together!

hope, I live in a "no fault state" but she's not going to get away with the marriage property that she took. I'm not sure if there was an A going on or not, but you just don't leave someone for no reason and try to put all the blame on me.

Every state has something that they use to divide up assets and if she has taken more than her fair share then she will either have to bring it back or pay you for it.

Some states are "no fault" for divorces, but fault does matter in alimony. So keep that in mind. You can get that stuff in through the back door...

Thanks for the advice guys.

Hola SG,

I went thru a divorce but luckily emerged nearly unscathed financially. My ex was consumed with massive guilt so he requested very little. However, once the OW stepped in and was at the helm, lawyers started talking about ME paying child support for the OC as his step-mother ... I kid you not. Talking about FOG. LOL

Long story short, my attorney did his job.

I suggest you post this over on the Divorce/Divorcing board. Those folks over there have BTDT and have valuable tribal knowledge they can share with you.

Please take good care.
Jo

My XH didn't ask for anything either - same reasons I think - felt guilty. I asked for a fair settlement and got it. My atty thinks I was "too nice"... but fair is fair. M didn't end over an A - my XH was sick and wouldn't get help within the M (he did after the fact, and I'm glad of that).

Of course his GF thought he got "screwed"... of course she did, because there was less for her to take <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> He got plenty "screwed" in that relationship, and I'm not talking about SF either!

JinGA